【NINE小组】第二次作文—by batman4000

batman4000UID: 3139168

85 Some people believe that in order to thrive, a society must put its own overall success before the well-being of its individual citizens. Others believe that the well-being of a society can only be measured by the general welfare of all its people.
有些人认为，为了保证社会繁荣，相比个体民众的安乐，社会整体的成功更为重要。也有人认为，一个社会的繁荣，只能通过社会民众的安乐来衡量。

The statement shows us two opposite points of view about society`s prosperity. That is, in some people`s eyes, the whole society`s own overall success is more important than the well-being of its individual citizens. While other insist that the latter counts more. My viewpoint is that both of them are partial, the whole society and its citizens determine prosperity together.
First, in order to thrive, a society needs its overall success. Society`s prosperity is a conception with a combination of lots of different aspects. That means, if a society`s process is called prosperity, at least its political situation should be stable, its economy needs to be growing rapidly and its culture will be really advanced. These fields` success is the prerequisites of the prosperity. What`s important is that a society`s steps are supposed to move forward as time goes by, which complies with the law of nature and that law of society. So, only gets the society its own overall success , it is able to thrive.
Meanwhile, the well-being of its individual citizens also can not be ignored definitely. No matter how highly has a society developed, it always consists of the fundamental element---human beings. Human`s congregation in order build up our society. So, the function of the society is to serve its people. Which means, if a society is going to thrive, its individual citizens are supposed to be living better. No one can deny that our everyday life has been more convenient and luxurious than before. For instance, modern technology has brought great changes into our lives. We can take in enough nutrition every day, we can travel to somewhere in a short time, we can entertain ourselves in more creative ways. These are all due to the development of our society. Because the quality of our life has been improved, we know that our society is thriving.

Furthermore, we can not separate those two aspects. The reason is that a society`s overall success has a rather close connection with the well-being of its individual citizens. How could it be possible if a society is highly developed while people `s living standard is just as before? Or a majority of people in our society live a happy life but the economy is in depression or the society is in unrest?
To conclude, I consider neither of them is more important. Actually, what we should do is to combine them together as a criterion of society`s prosperity. In order to thrive, a society must go forward both from the outside and inside. That is real prosperity. Emphasizing either of them is partial and one-sided.
第二次写作，深刻地感觉到自己还差得很远~但不管怎样，坚持就是胜利~加油~

ymxjtuUID: 2984484

修改Batman

The statement shows us two opposite points of view(去掉) about society`s （social） prosperity. That is,(去掉吧) in some people`s eyes, the whole society`s （social） own overall success is more important than the well-being of its individual citizens. While other (换others) insist that the latter counts more. My viewpoint is that both of them are partial, (and/ because) the whole society and its citizens determine prosperity together (不加and/because 语法就有问题呀, 两个独立的句子怎么直接放在一起呢).

First, in order to thrive, a society needs its overall success. Society`s （The social）prosperity is a conception with a combination of lots of different aspects. That means, if a society`s （social） process is called prosperity, at least its political situation should be stable, its economy needs to be growing rapidly (经济不快速增长，人民安居乐业也行啊，比如美国) and its culture will be really advanced（不一定文化先进呀，比如沙特阿拉伯，总的来说定义容易找到破绽）. These fields` success is the prerequisites of the prosperity . What`s important is that a society`s (social) steps are supposed to move forward as time goes by, which complies with the law of nature and that law of (加the) society. So, only gets the society its own overall success , it is able to thrive.
作者的观点是：社会为了能够繁荣，就必须保证它整体的成功。整个的论述比较不错，但是有个问题：整段论述题目中第一个观点是对的，那照作者这么说，我就可以完全为了社会整体的利益牺牲个人利益了？

Meanwhile, the well-being of its individual citizens also can not be ignored definitely. No matter how highly has （去掉） a society （加has）developed, it always consists of the fundamental element---human beings. Human`s congregation in order build up our society.（实在没看懂这句呀） So, the function of the society is to serve its people. Which means,（which开头的话就是从句了，建议去掉） if a society is going to thrive, its individual citizens are supposed （supposed 假定的，信以为真的意思，作者想表达的是“应当”，建议换个词吧） to be living better. （这两句的衔接很奇怪呀，我看了前句，看后句，不知道作者想干嘛呢）No one can deny that our everyday life has been more convenient and luxurious than before. For instance, modern technology has brought great changes into our lives. We can take in enough nutrition every day, we can travel to somewhere in a short time, we can entertain ourselves in more creative ways. These are all due to the development of our society. Because the quality of our life has been improved, we know that our society is thriving. （如果这句是观点，建议放在很奇怪的两句的中间做衔接，但是应该适当做修改）

Furthermore, we can not separate those two aspects. The reason is that a society`s overall success has a rather close connection with the well-being of its individual citizens. How could it be possible if （换that） a society is highly developed while people `s living standard is just as before？（，or）Or a majority of people in our society live a happy life but the economy is in depression or the society is in unrest?

To conclude, I consider neither of them is more important. Actually, what we should do is to combine them together as a criterion of society`s （social） prosperity. In order to thrive, a society must go forward both from the outside and inside （加factors）. That is （加the）real prosperity. Emphasizing either of them is partial and one-sided.

总结，就文章的两个观点，分别论述说这两个观点都有理，是因为他们所说的都很重要，但是他两个不是孤立的两个方面，对社会的进步而言是很重要的，总的来说我觉得说到了重点是，特别是最后两段，但是前面两段的论述太多削弱了作者最后的观点，作者是不是应该重点说说最后的观点呢。