wq1102 作文贴 欢迎批评指正

wq1102UID: 2962374

31# 宁夏zoe
谢谢

wq1102UID: 2962374

9.8 独立

heyxUID: 2943262

不好意思。
作文已经改好了，提了一些自己的意见，不一定都对，互相学习啊。

wq1102UID: 2962374

34# heyx
谢谢，辛苦了~

wencheng2961188UID: 2826634

9月8日 20100130NA Do you agree that the government should support the scientific research even there’s no practical use?

With the rapid development of our society, people benefit more and more from some practical researches such as the discovery of new drugs nowadays. Meanwhile, our governments are also investing in some researches which are not available in practice. Recently, some people stand out and reject the sponsors on (of) these useless studies, which results in a fierce controversy. Personally, I think it is crucial and valuable to carry out these exploitations, and I support the government assist (in (assist in doing) giving them)改成(them with)比较好 enough financial aid for the following reasons.

这段很像我在GRE ISSUE看到的一个模板。不知道楼主是自己写的还是套的模板。感觉没什么可改的。

Firstly, quite a lot of such researches are mainly focused on studying basic (去掉) fundamental subjects, such as astronomy and mathematics. As we know, these researches have inspired the exploration of unknown fields, and, to some extent, improved the quality of our life indirectly. Here, take the calculating (certification或study 验证G猜想不是计算) of Goldbach conjecture for example. It seems that there will be nothing bad for us if we do not study it and (and 去掉 两句分开吧。不然太长了。) for the majority of ordinary person (people), (they may not find the place to use this dull principle)改成
(this dull principle has no use) in their real life (lives). However, the time and money researchers spent on the work is valuable, (.) Through conquering these questions one by one, people become more intelligent than hundreds years ago or even ten years ago (这个例子感觉不太好。举例子前一句话说间接提高人们生活质量，例子说人们讨论哥德巴赫猜想等问题让人类变的比以前智慧。感觉没有直接的联系。举例前一句改成对人类有间接的好处能好一些). Accordingly, the sponsors on (of) these studies should not be decreased.

这段主题句不明显

In (on) the other hand, it is a chance for people to be familiar with the circumstance they lived in. Long time ago, people were curious about the magic things happened around them, (改破折号) (why there are (were) earthquakes)改(why did earthquakes occur）, why there are (were there) so many kinds of animals. Without adequate knowledge, they always ascribed them as （to） the order of god. Now, with the advancement of our science, researchers have found out the cause of earthquake, and generally been aware of the advantages of species diversity. Of course, more and more (increasingly 用的有点多) findings and details will show us the original (origin) of our university if people continue to study these unpractical topics, which ^will promote the harmony of the whole university in turn.(不懂为什么知道宇宙起源就促进宇宙和谐了。)

From what have been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that it is not wasteful to invest in unpractical researches and thus the government should maintain its support on them.

能力有限，只能改出这么多了。一起加油^_^

darlingruiruiUID: 2840976

20100312NA  
Agree or disagree? If children want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.

With the increasing development of our society, there are more and more attentions on children's education. The majority of parents want their child to do well in school and thus get a pass check to higher school (建议直接改成to pass a check to higher school)or university, which bring about a controversy whether fathers or mothers(直接就parents就好，我觉得这样的转换显得啰嗦了) should constrict the hours kids paid on watching television. Personally, I prefer not to limit the time used in watching TV programs or movies, and the reasons are as follows.

First and foremost, there is quite a lot of important basic knowledge which is vivid and interesting(我觉得这样直接说完这句话没什么意义，建议加上这个to learn from the TV). Compared with the things taught in class, kids may be fond of the information they learned in discovery channel. As we know, what teachers taught are something in principle, to digest(建议用absorb) these information, one can just take（建议用depend on） imagination. Nevertheless, if the knowledge is shown in a section of discovery, the kid can keep a clear memory and learn it deeply. Moreover, there are some very good movies teaching child to be more self-confident, which will not be taught in many Chinese class. Thus, the time spent in TV programs would（换成should吧） not be cut down.

On the other hand, watching televisions is a kind of method to relax from heavy study assignments. Supposing the teenagers are compelled to pay all day to learn and review what is taught in school, they may be tired and even worse, they may dislike to study, hate to go to school and eventually escape(=absent from) school. Take my brother Bob for example, his father holds extremely high hope on him and wants him to get into the top high school of our town, therefore, Bob was pushed to learn more and study harder. Then the time spent on TV or movies decreased dramatically from 1 hour a day to up to 2 hours a week. Of course, Bob was very angry and rejected to study hard, after an examination two weeks later, his range in class dropped from the first ten to nearly 20. From then on, my uncle loosed the restriction and thus Bob's grade increased quickly. (加一个then……，点明这段的观点)
Admittedly, there are still some disadvantages in TV shows such as the content of blood and sex.（加上child may get negative influence这一类的结果会更好） However, what parents should do is not simply limit the hours of watching television, but the crucial and more considerable question is how to conduct our children to the profitable shows.

From what have been discussed above, we can confidently draw the conclusion that watching TV or movies properly is acceptable, what the parents should think is how to make the time invested in television more valuable.
改完了，希望大家互改作文！

wq1102UID: 2962374

36# wencheng2961188
谢谢意见，第一段都是自己写的，习惯了这样开头，其实想缩减点第一段的，但总不知道从哪顺手就一直用了，呵呵，没想到是模板，今天看了你的作文，觉得开头写的很简洁明了，拿来学习了哦·

wq1102UID: 2962374

37# darlingruirui

??
darlingruirui同学和我分在同一组吗，怎么改的是我9.7的作文咧？

foreverendlessUID: 3134774

9.8 修改

darlingruiruiUID: 2840976

39# wq1102
额，不在吧。我不知道啊，怎么加入呢？我也想找人帮忙改改作文。我就看的你最近的一篇。我就改了。

wq1102UID: 2962374

41# darlingruirui
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1285161&highlight=
进这里吧，我们都在这里练作文的

wq1102UID: 2962374

9.9 独立，今天晚了点，见谅哈~

窝头拌咸菜UID: 3033645

43# wq1102
第一次改作文，不好的地方请指出！

wq1102UID: 2962374

44# 窝头拌咸菜

谢谢你的点评，呵呵。
关于你给我提出的例子的问题，第二段写了两个观点，后面的解释差不多了，也没想到什么好例子，就没有用。呵呵，里面engage 写错了，应该是enrage，确实会造成理解的偏差。