新GRE之作文互改小组、批改点评合集（2012/07/01更新）

panmingming2008UID：2535351

没有改到的同学请参考我已改的几篇文章，从里面的内容、思想组织、语言方面的点评，你们再推倒重写。
不要怜惜那些累赘，meaningless的废话，删吧，废话、模糊话的容身之地是垃圾桶。

把大词收窄些再下笔，把句子写清楚！！！！
写完大声读一遍----
如果你觉得读不下去，放弃它，重写。你不会有任何损失。
不要低估读者（或者ETS阅卷人）的智商。自己读不下去的东东，正常情况下，别人也很难读下去。打个比方，老哥做的炒菜尝着难吃，也不要寄望我会硬咽下去，除非老哥用大棒胁迫--即使如此，我也会伺机早跑掉了：）


（我批改同学的稿子也会read aloud。当此时，我就会发现，许多句子不是正常人一口气能说出来且让别人明白的。）

12# ashtray_s
As critical thinking is increasingly emphasized in today’s highly competitive and highly complicated world, factual learning, which is often blamed as a drudgery issuing in a blind rule of thumb, is been condemned by some educators. They even argue that factual learning should be totally replaced by the learning of critical thinking ability, which puts more emphasis on the ideas, trends and concepts that facts illustrate. This is a superficial recommendation to say the least.


【BEN：作者有必要先要定义下ability to explain...是否等同于critical thinking。而题目中心论题（central issue）是要围绕应根据什么样的标准来assess students' learning。新GRE增加了instruction，是加强考查针对性回答题目及要求的技能。否则，off the topic，极低分是必定的。建议新手先别急着动笔，要先理解题目及要求再下手。加强（中心）论点句清晰表达的能力。例子方面再贴切些（relevant reason and/or example）就好，逐渐学会基本的文章结构。】

Facts make no sense without critical thinking. History is replete with examples of what were considered at one time to be facts , but later disproved as incorrect theories. From geocentric theory to heliocentric theory, from astrology to modern astronomy, old theories would give way to new ones at any time. What we inherit from our precedents, however, is not the facts themselves, but the ability to analyze and integrate facts into our own network of ideas, by which we humans virtually approach everything in experience as something that can be given meaning. For example, the boiling of water might have been no more than a way to produce hot water if it were not Watt who happened to realize the great energy produced in this process and thus invented steam engine, the revolutionary machine that pushed the whole world into industrial age. Similarly, the phenomenon that bat can detect things accurately made little sense until the reflection principal of wave was discovered and applied into radar to determine objects . It is such kind of power of mind that differentiates us from other creatures and that is exactly how we keep moving forward. On the contrary, a student who has been imparted with no more than bare facts to which（这里看不太懂） all he has done is memorize could be nothing but a follower. （就是一个定语从句，all he has done to the bare facts is memorize）How, if possible, could we count on someone without critical thinking to do any creative work or make any difference?

As is said by Aristotle, it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. The ultimate goal of education is to help students form their own way of thinking and judgment of value, that is, critical thinking ability, the only way by which they can utilize their knowledge effectively and solve new problems independently. Thus, it is absolutely the educators’ responsibility to help students grasp the ideas, trends and concepts beneath the facts.
貌似还是在写critical thinking。最后加一句与题目相关的语句。有点牵强。(这一段确实是在写critical thinking, 这两段都是，因为正如我首段里面提到的，critical thinking puts more emphasis on the ideas, trends and concepts that facts illustrate，这是我理解的这个ability的实质。你觉得呢？)The rote learning, however, is also indispensable. Becoming educated is a process. Some tools we need for acquiring and analyzing facts must be memorized(memory). How could we count on a 3-year child who doesn’t(does not) even memorize ABCs (to)understand the ideas of Aristotle? Likewise, only by acquiring large number of historical cases can historians integrate them and go beneath the surface, and further find the universal principal of our human race. The facts and rules that we memorize are the hooks in the cupboards on our minds where we hang new information.

Bare factual knowledge without critical thinking make little sense. While critical thinking skills are also meaningless without a broad base of factual knowledge. You cannot build a architecture out of nothing but a grandiose blueprint. Educators who claim that factual learning should be eliminated are throwing out the baby with the bath water.（这个，麻烦spin解释一下下，我不太懂这个类比）这是一个习语，在泼洗澡水的时候连孩子一起泼掉了，意思是在你扔掉不要的东西时把宝贵的东西都无意地一起扔掉了）It is therefore（thus 和therefore一起用？） my opinion that educators should base their assessment of students on both their grasp of facts and their critical thinking ability.

amber_cUID：3131341

It is suggested that whether a student performs well or not should be determined by if he or she possesses the ability to interpret the ideas, trends, and concepts that facts clarify, not to grasp mere facts. Admittedly(Naturally), since the very purpose of education is to free students’ thoughts and spirits, such a recommendation is rational in certain circumstances, while under others it requires a second thought.(it is recommendable to base assessment of students on more flexible learning ability.)
  Only by knowing the concepts and deep meanings of facts can students have an insight into those facts, think out the objective laws among facts, and apply them to finding answers to questions or solutions to problems. (By grasping the concepts and trends of facts can students have an insight into those facts, find out the objective laws and apply a theory to practice, furthermore sharpen skills for the future professional.)I strongly agree that if we learn only facts we learn rather little. As the old saying goes, ’to read without reflecting is like eating without digesting.’ Consider the discipline of management. A student who barely memorizes what is ‘SMART Principle’ but has no ideas how to meet the specific requirements as a manager, of course, will be a layman and fail to manage an enterprise. (Considerable though the principles in t students’ mind are, they cannot help students to be competent in their careers, for rote learning cannot equip students with ability to analyze issues in different circumstances. To meet the requirement of modern education, a vast number of education institutions have set up much more extracurricular activities, such as debates, athletics, dramas, and etc, to encourage students to participate, thus to activate their thinking. Instead of being required to blindly memorize doctrines and theories, students will learn how to think and how to apply to meet such an assessment criterion, which emphasizes ability of explaining concepts and trends. )

Since education is to set students’ thoughts and spirits free, it is of tremendous significance to lead critical and creative thinking. The men who innovate, create, or discover are usually those who concentrate on the ideas, trends, and notions of facts. History informs me that accepting on blind faith what we are taught we gain little, leaving brains lack of vitality. In the physical science, with in-depth study and vast curiosity of existing theories, people tend to challenge the experts and their doctrines by pointing out the flaws, putting forward new hypothesis, setting up experiments, and sometimes drawing opposite conclusions. If Galileo had not been skeptical with the theory of Aristotle, history would not have found a great experiment on the leaning tower of Pisa.( Likewise, it is hard for a student who just remember the steps of a chemical experiment , to design a new experiment to verify the same theory. Even in the arts, students should challenge, for creating new works, established styles and forms. However, a student without any acknowledge about concepts or trends of existing painting forms, has little possibility to make outstanding painting—let alone a breakthrough. Furthermore, without skepticism and creativity, our society would never evolve and thrive.)

If the education evaluation standard is how much and how firmly a student memorizes the facts, then our society would never evolve and thrive. Because we, regarded as the hope and driving force of society in the future, will lose our creativity and the ability to take what we learn from textbooks into effect.

Based on the above, from personal perspective, it is desirable to (evaluate students rather on the extent to which they can explain the ideas, trends and concepts of facts, than on how much they can remember.) To cultivate and ripen students’ ability, education institutions might be advised to offer different curriculums and various activities.

amber_cUID：3131341

老师，我修改了一下。红色的是自己觉得不妥的，蓝色的是修改过的。
后面一些废话我就直接删掉了，重新写
请老师指正！

panmingming2008UID：2535351

【致NINE小组，请你们坚持原先制定的规则，按原计划布置作业，互相批改。
把我的批改意见作为你们以后习作的参考。
不要因为我的进入而打乱你们的规则与计划，好吗？
我会抽时间思考，怎样批改与互动才能更好地协调你们的计划？】


因为日常教学与写作占用白天的大多部分时间，在此论坛的时间只能猫在晚上完成。不能一一满足大家的期待，见谅！

请各位同学先看前面的帖子，大部分会有答案。如果没有找到，可以在下面跟帖提问（要勇于提问，don't be afraid to ask dumb questions. ）

m7catsueUID：3040890

谢谢ben老师的指导！
刚刚看了老师的详细批改，确实很有启发。
的确是写AW时，经常自觉不自觉，为了写长句而写的感觉，却忽略了更重要的文章的结构和逻辑关系。
再次谢谢老师的批改~

panmingming2008UID：2535351

18# amber_c
进步好大。你修改后的句子清楚多了。
看来你的语言功底不错。只要按要求去修改、练习，4分是可以达到的。

对于新手而言，要先慢、慢、慢，后快。慢是夯实基础。不要求快，快是数个星期有效练习的自然结果。

对于这样的提问--“老师，我下周（或下月）就要考了，还没写几篇。怎么办？” 我的吐血建议是改期-- 给自己成长必要的时间！！！

晚安。

amber_cUID：3131341

18# amber_c
进步好大。你修改后的句子清楚多了。
看来你的语言功底不错。只要按要求去修改、练习，4分是可以达到的。

对于新手而言，要先慢、慢、慢，后快。慢是夯实基础。不要求快，快是数个星期有效练习的 ...
panmingming2008 发表于 2011-8-24 23:16

哇~得到老师的肯定，我忽然有通宵写作的冲动！
嘿嘿~一定会继续努力的！
谢谢老师！

m7catsueUID：3040890

ben老师你好，昨天经过你的批改，收获很大~~在AW起步阶段就碰到ben老师确实很幸运，在起步阶段就能有人指出这么多方向性的错问，还能详细的批改，避免了在错误的方向上越走越远。今天下午又把这个issue大改了一次，严格按照老师指导的方向~
对文章结构、句子表达都进行了 大量的修改~删掉了很多冗余的地方，也调整了举例。
希望老师能再看一看~老师的时间也很宝贵，也不用详细的批改；请老师再看一下这么改了之后还存在哪些方向性的问题，我好改正，以后避免~~
谢谢老师的指导~~

Comparedwith facts memorization and mechanical application, I consider the ability toexplain ideas, trends, and concepts which the facts illustrate being of moresignificance. And in accordance with my proposition, the assessment ofstudents’ learning should be based on these two indispensablesegments, the grasp of facts, and the comprehensive understanding of the basicsbehind these facts, both of which contribute to the individuals’ practicalability and the progress of society.

Itis dangerous if educators base their assessment of a student mainly on his/herability to memorize facts instead of comprehending the basics. Indeed in mostcircumstances, the mechanical application of the facts we memorized can be usedeffectively to solve the problems we confront. And most of us are contentedwith this easy solution.There seems to be no need for us to asses a student’s learning on whetherhe/she can fully comprehend the basics of the facts, since he/she only needsthe facts themselves to solve the problems, not the abstract basics behind. Bymemorizing the multiplicative table, one may easily know product of 7 and 9 is63. But if he/she has no idea of the basics of multiplication, it is likelythat he/she cannot calculate the product of 14 and 18. Equally, if studentsonly emphasize facts memorization and mechanical application because of the wayof the assessment given by the educators, they will definitely be discouragedfrom creative thinking and innovation which are also the goals of education.

Secondly,a comprehensive understanding of the basics behind the facts is beneficial toboth of memorization and application. With the ability to explain ideas,trends, and concepts which the facts illustrate, students will have a better comprehensionof the facts they memorized. For instance, memorizing a huge number of organicchemistry reaction formulas seems extremely painful for some students and evenif they can memorize theses formulas, it still remains questionable whetherthey can fully understand and apply them. However if they can comprehend thebasics of these reactions, they do not even need to memorize the complexformulas which are only the derivation of the basics of organic chemistry. Thereis no doubt that memorization and application will be much more efficient ifthe substantive matters of the facts are fully understood and only in this waycan students apply their knowledge flexibly.

Tosum up, both of the facts and the basics behind are the indispensable elementsof the evaluation of the students’ learning. If the educators neglect either ofthese two elements, students will be discouraged from creative thinking andflexible application.

ashtray_sUID：3008202

16# panmingming2008
谢谢老师的指点！我之前确实在审题上存在很大的偏差呀，把assessment和teaching搞混了···不过还好问题发现的早，我今天又把这篇文章的思路好好的理了一遍，也给我敲了个警钟，以后下笔之前一定要先理好思路，认真审题。看了老师的那个关于段落写作的，也觉得挺受用的，现在开始就要每天勤加练习了！
这个是我改过以后的文章，希望老师能再帮我看一下。辛苦老师了！！

I agree with the speaker’s broad assertion the ability to explain the ideas, trends and concepts that facts illustrate is a good index to assess students’ learning to the extent that it serves to the ultimate goal of education, that is, to help students form their own way of thinking and value system and solve new problems independently, thus preparing themselves for their future life, which is definitely the most important character of a good assessment of students’ learning. However, the speaker unnecessarily extends this broad assertion while ignoring certain compelling reasons why equal emphasis should be attached to assessing students’ grasp of facts.

I concede that the speaker is on the correct philosophical side of the issue for the reason that basing students’ learning on their ability to explain the ideas, trends, and concepts that facts illustrate would encourage students to go deep into the facts and develop their creativity. Let us get down to the fundamentals and agree that the ability to explain ideas, trends and concepts is actually the ability of extensive thinking and the ability to utilize their knowledge to solve new problems, which is indispensable for their future life. Basing students’ learning simply on their grasp of facts, however, would deter students and even their teachers from discussing further beneath the facts. For example, a history teacher is quite likely to just go over the textbook for the students and the students learn no more than the bare facts like a short guy called Napoleon led a revolution and was finally killed, while setting aside such issues as the personality of Napoleon, the reasons why he failed and what can we learn from his life—just because none of these would have any bearing on the assessment of their learning. How, if it possible, could we count on such students raise any new questions and form their own judgment and value system? Not to mention the critical thinking ability which is called for in any creative work.

Important as such ability is, the speaker's assertion is troubling in two aspects as well. On one hand, this argument flies in the face of those young children who are still receiving primary education. Becoming educated is a process. Some tools we need for acquiring and analyzing facts must be memorized. How could we count on a 3-year child who doesn’t even memorize ABCs to appreciate the essence of etymology? Thus, the assessment based on the ability to explain is meaningless for a young child who is still acquiring basic reading skills. The facts and rules that we memorize are the hooks in the cupboards on our minds where we hang new information and the assessment of our grasp of facts is the assessment of how solid our foundation is to build our own empire of knowledge, which is undoubtedly indispensable.

On the other hand, it is sometimes difficult to make a universal standard to assess students' learning based on their ability to explain the ideas, trends and concepts that the facts illustrate. There are thousand Hamlets in a thousand people's eyes. Based on different backgrounds and personalities, students would certainly have different explanations on the same fact and educators could hardly tell exactly whether they are right or wrong. Moreover, such assessment would even strangle students' creativity if not made properly. For example, Most Chinese students have learnt never to challenge the authority since they were a child because that's not the expected answer, otherwise they would be given low score. Such assessments, if I have to say, is even worse than basing students' learning on the grasp of fact for the reason that the latter one is just make students lazy to think, the previous one, however, is make them dare not think.

It is therefore my opinion that in order to fulfill the ultimate goal of education, the assessment of students’ learning should be based on both their grasp of facts and their ability to explain the ideas, trends and concepts these facts illustrate.

winterfineUID：3141531

老师，方便留下qq号吗？
或者，能麻烦加入我们的qq群166980556吗？
以方便更为直接的交流

panmingming2008UID：2535351

【格式改变了。我在下一楼跟帖上传了附件。（下载的同学可以见到我详细的批改格式。--BEN 26日02：50 AM补注】

ISSUE 92 原稿 [size=10.5000pt]

修改稿(BEN重估amber同学是否完成原稿点评意见指出的目标)[size=10.5000pt] 【[size=10.5000pt](方括号内的内容为BEN点评[size=10.5000pt]) [size=10.5000pt]】[size=10.5000pt]

It is suggested that whether a student performs well or not should be determined by if he or she possesses the ability to interpret the ideas, trends, and concepts that facts clarify, not to grasp mere facts. Admittedly, since the very purpose of education is to free students’ thoughts and spirits, such a recommendation is rational in certain circumstances, while under others it requires a second thought. 【BEN: 中心论点句要清楚、简洁。目的（purpose）是要让读者(audience)一目了然。】 [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] Only by knowing the concepts and deep meanings of facts can students have an insight into those facts, think out the objective laws among facts, and apply them to finding answers to questions or solutions to problems. I strongly agree that if we learn only facts we learn rather little. As the old saying goes, ’to read without reflecting is like eating without digesting.’ Consider the discipline of management. A student who just memorizes what is ‘SMART Principle’ but has no ideas how to meet the specific requirements as a manager, of course, will be a layman and fail to manage an enterprise. And another example involves politics. Without learning deeply about the interests between two opposite parties, one can never be a wise and savvy politician. Undoubtedly, comprehensive understanding of facts truly cultivates students’ ability to analysis critically what we encounter, which also sharpens our skills to adapt ourselves to the realistic society. [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] Since education is to set students’ thoughts and spirits free, it is of tremendous significance to lead critical and creative thinking. The men who innovate, create, or discover are usually those who concentrate on the ideas, trends, and notions of facts. History informs me that accepting on blind faith what we are taught we gain little, leaving brains lack of vitality. In the physical science, with in-depth study and vast curiosity of existing theories, people tend to challenge the experts and their opinions by pointing out the flaws, putting forward new hypothesis, setting up experiments, and sometimes drawing opposite conclusions. If Galileo had not been skeptical with the theory of Aristotle, history would not have found a great experiment on the leaning tower of Pisa. Even in the arts, students should challenge, for creating new works, established styles and forms. Claude Monet, one of the greatest impressionist painters, whose focus on light was far beyond objects, changed people’s impression on the structure of light and nature. In short, without skepticism and creativity, our society would never evolve and thrive. [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] Naturally, facts are the cornerstone of other stuff, without which the discussion above will amount to meaninglessness.In some fields, professionals require us to remember the simple facts, basic knowledge in other words. For example, it is quite unacceptable for a would-be surgeon to merely understand the concepts of surgery, however, hardly memorize steps and what deserves particular attention. Moreover, I even cannot imagine that an attorney, not familiar with laws, will win a lawsuit and credit. That is to say, under specific situations, such as those where rigorous theoretical knowledge is needed, facts are the premise of all to develop the following plots. Based on the above, from personal perspective, it is desirable to strike a balance between deep thinking and facts memories. To cultivate and ripen students’ ability, education institutions might be advised to offer different curriculums and various activities. [size=14.0000pt]

It is suggested that whether a student performs well or not should be determined by if he or she possesses the ability to interpret the ideas, trends, and concepts that facts clarify, not to grasp mere facts. Naturally, since the very purpose of education is to free students’ thoughts and spirits, it is recommendable to base assessment of students on more flexible learning ability. [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt]【[size=10.5000pt]“it is recommendable to base assessment of students on more flexible learning ability.”i is suggested that 是废话。More flexible ability 是什么意思？[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] 入门同学切记：把中心论点表达清楚是首要任务。（要求：与题目表达的中心问题-central issue建立联系， 不要说模糊的话，比如此例中的more flexible learning ability跟题目中的facts \ ability to explain...facts有何关系呢？）简明，简明，简明！[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] 其次，首句37words!!! 请实行计划生育--不超过20words. 修改重点任务，每个句子控制在14词内，特殊情况不得超过18词。[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] 新手同学容易在长句中把读者绕错。[size=10.5000pt]】[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] By grasping the concepts and trends of facts can students have an insight into those facts, find out the objective laws and apply a theory to practice, furthermore sharpen skills for the future professional.)[size=10.5000pt] 【本主题句比原稿要好。然而，34词！！！需要简化到20词内，留下必要的词即可。】[size=10.5000pt] I strongly agree that if we learn only facts we learn rather little. [size=10.5000pt]【首段表达中心论点可以用"I"， 下面的段落就是写作者的根据，不需赘述。[size=10.5000pt]】As the old saying goes, ’to read without reflecting is like eating without digesting.’ Consider the discipline of management. A student who barely memorizes what is ‘SMART Principle’ but has no ideas how to meet the specific requirements as a manager, of course, will be a layman and fail to manage an enterprise.【这个例子不错。不过要给点细节，学生身份若写成 a business students是不是更清楚？另外，这个例子最好分成2~3句来explain your point fully. 记住，例子是要support你的TOPIC SENTENCE的。主题句要简明，例子要提供充分信息。[size=10.5000pt]】 (Considerable though the principles in students’ mind are, they cannot help students to be competent in their careers, for rote learning cannot equip students with ability to analyze issues in different circumstances. 【32词！ 写长句就是耍流氓！你到底想说什么意思？把你的思想直接表达出来。】 To meet the requirement of modern education, a vast number of education institutions have set up much more extracurricular activities, such as debates, athletics, dramas, and etc, to encourage students to participate, thus to activate their thinking. Instead of being required to blindly memorize doctrines and theories, students will learn how to think and how to apply to meet such an assessment criterion, which emphasizes ability of explaining concepts and trends. ) [size=10.5000pt]【71词！！！！！把你想要表达的思想用14词表达出来。说不完，另写一句。否则一个超长句拖沓，意义不明。[size=10.5000pt]】[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] Since education is to set students’ thoughts and spirits free, it is of tremendous significance to lead critical and creative thinking. The men who innovate, create, or discover are usually those who concentrate on the ideas, trends, and notions of facts. History informs me that accepting on blind faith what we are taught we gain little, leaving brains lack of vitality. In the physical science, with in-depth study and vast curiosity of existing theories, people tend to challenge the experts and their doctrines by pointing out the flaws, putting forward new hypothesis, setting up experiments, and sometimes drawing opposite conclusions. If Galileo had not been skeptical with the theory of Aristotle, history would not have found a great experiment on the leaning tower of Pisa.( Likewise, it is hard for a student who just remember the steps of a chemical experiment , to design a new experiment to verify the same theory. Even in the arts, students should challenge, for creating new works, established styles and forms. However, a student without any acknowledge about concepts or trends of existing painting forms, has little possibility to make outstanding painting[size=10.5000pt]—let alone a breakthrough. Furthermore, without skepticism and creativity, our society would never evolve and thrive.) [size=10.5000pt] 【由于作者首段中心论点句不清楚：支持、反对，or平衡立场，造成分论点表述不清楚。 另外，本段加入creative thinking和skepticism，有如天外来客-- 这不该出现在本题目的讨论当中的。属于off the topic。[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] 此外的任务，把所有超过14个词的句子改写。Amber，你要用14个词把句子意思表达完整。有别的想法，再写一句。 [size=10.5000pt]】 If the education evaluation standard is how much and how firmly a student memorizes the facts, 【前半句是什么意思？】then our society would never evolve and thrive. Because we, regarded as the hope and driving force of society in the future, will lose our creativity and the ability to take what we learn from textbooks into effect. 【废话。删去！】[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] Based on the above, from personal perspective, it is desirable to (evaluate students rather on the extent to which they can explain the ideas, trends and concepts of facts, than on how much they can remember.) To cultivate and ripen students’ ability, education institutions might be advised to offer different curriculums and various activities. [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] 【你的结尾段是什么意思？与你首段的中心论点一致吗？改写。[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] 另外，查阅above all的用法。“Based on+ the above”是很古怪的搭配。 查阅ripen用法，其次查明ability一般与什么动词搭配？[size=10.5000pt]】[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] BEN-全文总评[size=10.5000pt] 1.把全文提纲列出来。再重写。（提交时把提纲及全文分开。）【提纲写法见后。】[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] 2.所有句子限制在14词内。14~20词的句子要三思。[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] 3. 清楚+简洁。即是，直说不绕，每句不超14词。[size=10.5000pt] [size=10.5000pt] 4. 为保证amber此次修改能达到以上要求，给你两天时间。27号晚饭后或28号午饭前跟帖即可。[size=10.5000pt]

panmingming2008UID：2535351

26# panmingming2008
格式改变了。我传个附件。

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谢谢BEN老师！感激不尽~
立马滚去修改了~

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I strongly endorse that the assessment on students should depend on their ability to interpret ideas, trends, and concepts of facts. As we all know, the very purpose of education is to free students’ thinking and spirits. Emphasis on the ability to grasp of ideas and trends that facts indicate, not of bare facts, can activate students’ thoughts and sharpen their skills for the future professionals.



By grasping the concepts and trends of facts students have an insight into those facts. They find out the objective laws, apply a theory to practice, and prepare for their professionals after graduates. If we learn only facts we learn rather little because rote learning drives students to unreflecting learning. As the old saying goes, ’to read without reflecting is like eating without digesting.’ Consider the discipline of management. A business student barely memorizing what is ‘SMART Principle’, but has no ideas how to meet the specific requirements as a manager, of course, will be a layman and fail to manage an enterprise. On the contrary, if the student pays attention, in the daily study, to comprehend the ideas and trends of managing principles and always think about how to apply them, he or she will undoubtedly be competent on the manager position.


The men who innovate, create, or discover are usually those who concentrate on the ideas, trends, and notions of facts. Laying stress on explaining trends and ideas of facts can leads to critical and creative thinking. History informs me that by accepting on blind faith what we are taught we gain little, leaving brains lack of vitality. In the physical science, with in-depth study and critical thinking of existing theories, people tend to challenge some doctrines. They point out the flaws, put forward new hypothesis, set up experiments, and sometimes draw opposite conclusions. It is hard for a student who just remembers the steps of physic experiment, to design a new experiment to verify the same theory, or to put forward a new one. Even in the arts, students should challenge, for creating new works, established styles and forms. An arts student ignorant of concepts or trends of existing painting forms, is little likely to make outstanding paintings—let alone a breakthrough.


To sum up, it is desirable to evaluate students on the extent to which they can explain the ideas, trends and concepts of facts, rather than on how much they can remember. To cultivate students ability and train students for profession, education institutions might be advised to provide more extracurricular activities. That can help a lot for students to meet the requirement of the education assessment.

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老师，有些句子实在不知道怎么删改才能变短了，不是故意耍流氓的~
请老师批评~