It is suggested that whether a student performs well or not should be determined by if he or she possesses the ability to interpret the ideas, trends, and concepts that facts clarify, not to grasp mere facts. Admittedly, since the very purpose of education is to free students’ thoughts and spirits, such a recommendation is rational in certain circumstances, while under others it requires a second thought. 【BEN: 中心论点句要清楚、简洁。目的(purpose)是要让读者(audience)一目了然。】
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
Only by knowing the concepts and deep meanings of facts can students have an insight into those facts, think out the objective laws among facts, and apply them to finding answers to questions or solutions to problems. I strongly agree that if we learn only facts we learn rather little. As the old saying goes, ’to read without reflecting is like eating without digesting.’ Consider the discipline of management. A student who just memorizes what is ‘SMART Principle’ but has no ideas how to meet the specific requirements as a manager, of course, will be a layman and fail to manage an enterprise. And another example involves politics. Without learning deeply about the interests between two opposite parties, one can never be a wise and savvy politician. Undoubtedly, comprehensive understanding of facts truly cultivates students’ ability to analysis critically what we encounter, which also sharpens our skills to adapt ourselves to the realistic society.
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
Since education is to set students’ thoughts and spirits free, it is of tremendous significance to lead critical and creative thinking. The men who innovate, create, or discover are usually those who concentrate on the ideas, trends, and notions of facts. History informs me that accepting on blind faith what we are taught we gain little, leaving brains lack of vitality. In the physical science, with in-depth study and vast curiosity of existing theories, people tend to challenge the experts and their opinions by pointing out the flaws, putting forward new hypothesis, setting up experiments, and sometimes drawing opposite conclusions. If Galileo had not been skeptical with the theory of Aristotle, history would not have found a great experiment on the leaning tower of Pisa. Even in the arts, students should challenge, for creating new works, established styles and forms. Claude Monet, one of the greatest impressionist painters, whose focus on light was far beyond objects, changed people’s impression on the structure of light and nature. In short, without skepticism and creativity, our society would never evolve and thrive.
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
Naturally, facts are the cornerstone of other stuff, without which the discussion above will amount to meaninglessness.In some fields, professionals require us to remember the simple facts, basic knowledge in other words. For example, it is quite unacceptable for a would-be surgeon to merely understand the concepts of surgery, however, hardly memorize steps and what deserves particular attention. Moreover, I even cannot imagine that an attorney, not familiar with laws, will win a lawsuit and credit. That is to say, under specific situations, such as those where rigorous theoretical knowledge is needed, facts are the premise of all to develop the following plots.
Based on the above, from personal perspective, it is desirable to strike a balance between deep thinking and facts memories. To cultivate and ripen students’ ability, education institutions might be advised to offer different curriculums and various activities.
[size=14.0000pt]
| It is suggested that whether a student performs well or not should be determined by if he or she possesses the ability to interpret the ideas, trends, and concepts that facts clarify, not to grasp mere facts.
Naturally, since the very purpose of education is to free students’ thoughts and spirits, it is recommendable to base assessment of students on more flexible learning ability.
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]【[size=10.5000pt]“it is recommendable to base assessment of students on more flexible learning ability.”i is suggested that 是废话。More flexible ability 是什么意思?[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
入门同学切记:把中心论点表达清楚是首要任务。(要求:与题目表达的中心问题-central issue建立联系, 不要说模糊的话,比如此例中的more flexible learning ability跟题目中的facts \ ability to explain...facts有何关系呢?)简明,简明,简明![size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
其次,首句37words!!! 请实行计划生育--不超过20words. 修改重点任务,每个句子控制在14词内,特殊情况不得超过18词。[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
新手同学容易在长句中把读者绕错。[size=10.5000pt]】[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
By grasping the concepts and trends of facts can
students have an insight into those facts, find out the objective laws and apply a theory to practice, furthermore sharpen skills for the future professional.)[size=10.5000pt]
【本主题句比原稿要好。然而,34词!!!需要简化到20词内,留下必要的词即可。】[size=10.5000pt]
I strongly agree that if we learn only facts we learn rather little. [size=10.5000pt]【首段表达中心论点可以用"I", 下面的段落就是写作者的根据,不需赘述。[size=10.5000pt]】As the old saying goes, ’to read without reflecting is like eating without digesting.’ Consider the discipline of management. A student who barely memorizes what is ‘SMART Principle’ but has no ideas how to meet the specific requirements as a manager, of course, will be a layman and fail to manage an enterprise.【这个例子不错。不过要给点细节,学生身份若写成 a business students是不是更清楚?另外,这个例子最好分成2~3句来explain your point fully. 记住,例子是要support你的TOPIC SENTENCE的。主题句要简明,例子要提供充分信息。[size=10.5000pt]】 (Considerable though the principles in students’ mind are, they cannot help students to be competent in their careers, for rote learning cannot equip students with ability to analyze issues in different circumstances.
【32词! 写长句就是耍流氓!你到底想说什么意思?把你的思想直接表达出来。】 To meet the requirement of modern education, a vast number of education institutions have set up much more extracurricular activities, such as debates, athletics, dramas, and etc, to encourage students to participate, thus to activate their thinking. Instead of being required to blindly memorize doctrines and theories, students will learn how to think and how to apply to meet such an assessment criterion, which emphasizes ability of explaining concepts and trends. )
[size=10.5000pt]【71词!!!!!把你想要表达的思想用14词表达出来。说不完,另写一句。否则一个超长句拖沓,意义不明。[size=10.5000pt]】[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
Since education is to set students’ thoughts and spirits free, it is of tremendous significance to lead critical and creative thinking. The men who innovate, create, or discover are usually those who concentrate on the ideas, trends, and notions of facts. History informs me that accepting on blind faith what we are taught we gain little, leaving brains lack of vitality. In the physical science, with in-depth study and vast curiosity of existing theories, people tend to challenge the experts and their doctrines by pointing out the flaws, putting forward new hypothesis, setting up experiments, and sometimes drawing opposite conclusions. If Galileo had not been skeptical with the theory of Aristotle, history would not have found a great experiment on the leaning tower of Pisa.( Likewise, it is hard for a student who just remember the steps of a chemical experiment , to design a new experiment to verify the same theory. Even in the arts, students should challenge, for creating new works, established styles and forms. However, a student without any acknowledge about concepts or trends of existing painting forms, has little possibility to make outstanding painting[size=10.5000pt]—let alone a breakthrough. Furthermore, without skepticism and creativity, our society would never evolve and thrive.)
[size=10.5000pt]
【由于作者首段中心论点句不清楚:支持、反对,or平衡立场,造成分论点表述不清楚。 另外,本段加入creative thinking和skepticism,有如天外来客-- 这不该出现在本题目的讨论当中的。属于off the topic。[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
此外的任务,把所有超过14个词的句子改写。Amber,你要用14个词把句子意思表达完整。有别的想法,再写一句。
[size=10.5000pt]】
If the education evaluation standard is how much and how firmly a student memorizes the facts, 【前半句是什么意思?】then our society would never evolve and thrive. Because we, regarded as the hope and driving force of society in the future, will lose our creativity and the ability to take what we learn from textbooks into effect.
【废话。删去!】[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
Based on the above, from personal perspective, it is desirable to (evaluate students rather on the extent to which they can explain the ideas, trends and concepts of facts, than on how much they can remember.) To cultivate and ripen students’ ability, education institutions might be advised to offer different curriculums and various activities.
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
【你的结尾段是什么意思?与你首段的中心论点一致吗?改写。[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
另外,查阅above all的用法。“Based on+ the above”是很古怪的搭配。 查阅ripen用法,其次查明ability一般与什么动词搭配?[size=10.5000pt]】[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
BEN-全文总评[size=10.5000pt]
1.把全文提纲列出来。再重写。(提交时把提纲及全文分开。)【提纲写法见后。】[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
2.所有句子限制在14词内。14~20词的句子要三思。[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
3. 清楚+简洁。即是,直说不绕,每句不超14词。[size=10.5000pt]
[size=10.5000pt]
4. 为保证amber此次修改能达到以上要求,给你两天时间。27号晚饭后或28号午饭前跟帖即可。[size=10.5000pt]
|