【NINE小组】第九次作业——by wywcgs

wywcgsUID: 2565269

Nations should suspend government funding for the arts when significant numbers of their citizens are hungry or unemployed.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

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The problem that what government should and should not do when society is suffering from famine and unemployment is a controversial one. Someone claim that government should suspend funding for arts in order to improve people’s life. I partially agree with this statement, but I think the funding should only be decreased instead of being suspended.

Government should spend most of money to mitigate the famine and unemployment. Arts cannot substitute food and job hence cannot improve people’s life directly. If government spent too much money on the fields other than food or jobs, society would be in danger. Song hui-zong is a king who is well known as his favorite of painting in Chinese history. Neglecting the poor life of common people, he spent too much time in his arts, which made his kingdom weaker and weaker. Finally, his army was defeated and he was captured by invaders. It illustrates the importance of government’s focusing on the fields related to people’s life.

However, it doesn’t suggest that government should totally ignore arts. In fact, arts may invigorate people during the economic depression. When suffering from famine and unemployment, people may feel depressed and lacking of self-confidence. Arts can make people pallid and forget the unlucky things happened on them in a short time, which is good for their lives and for the reviving of society thriving. Michael Jackson became popular just during America economic depression. Although his success depends on his perfect performance and skill, we must admit the wish is also important that people want to find something which can make them happy. People enjoyed Michael Jackson’s performance and became optimistic, which was helpful for American to get rid of depression. Arts make its contribution in this process.

Moreover, some artists can create great works in the era of depression. In such era, artists could get a different feeling he cannot find in common life, which would inspire them to create significant works. Du fu, who is considered to be one of the greatest Chinese poets, is well known as his poems concerning the life of people in his era. The greatest element in his poems is that they vividly illustrated the hard life of people full of war, famine and instability. If the society were not so depressed, Du fu’s poems would not be so impressed and Chinese culture might lose many great treasures.

To sum up, arts is not essential during the time full of famine and unemployment, but it should not be ignored by government. The leader should use his wisdom to find a balance to maintain the relationship between them.

amber_cUID: 3131341

The problem that what government should and should not do when society is suffering from famine(题目是说社会上存在挨饿的人，而famine是饥荒的意思，有些严重) and unemployment is a controversial one. Someone claim（claims） that government should suspend funding for arts in order to improve people’s life. I partially agree with this statement, but I think the funding should only be decreased instead of being suspended.
观点明确。
Government should spend most of money to mitigate the famine and unemployment. Arts cannot substitute food and job hence（hence是副词，不是连词，所以不能接一个句子） cannot improve people’s life directly. If government spent too much money on the （arts）fields other than food or jobs, society would be in danger. Song hui-zong（Huizong不用-） is a king(君王最好用monarch) who is well known as his favorite of painting in Chinese history. Neglecting the poor life of common people, he spent too much time in his arts, which made his kingdom weaker and weaker.(too much time? Or fund)Finally, his army was defeated and he was captured by invaders. It illustrates the importance of government’s focusing(直接用focus就可以了) on the fields related to people’s life.
例子存在一些逻辑问题，花太多时间在艺术上怎么导致了国家变弱？军队被击败和人民挨饿失业又有什么关系？而且例子不能支持论点（本段一、二句）
However, it doesn’t suggest that government should totally ignore arts. In fact, arts may invigorate people during the economic depression. When suffering from famine and unemployment, people may feel depressed and lacking of （去掉of）self-confidence. Arts can make people pallid（苍白的，病态的？建议再查一下词义） and forget the unlucky things happened on them in a short time, which is good for their lives and for the reviving of society thriving. Michael Jackson became popular just during America economic depression. Although his success depends on his perfect performance and skill, we must admit the wish is also important that people want to find something which can make them happy.（这句话读起来怪怪的） People enjoyed Michael Jackson’s performance and became optimistic, which was helpful for American to get rid of depression. Arts make its contribution in this process.
Moreover, some artists can create great works in the era of depression.（这和题目好像没有联系）
In such era, artists could get a different feeling he cannot find in common life, which would inspire them to create significant works. Du fu, who is considered to be one of the greatest Chinese poets, is well known as his poems concerning the life of people in his era. The greatest element in his poems is that they vividly illustrated the hard life of people full of war, famine and instability. If the society were not so depressed, Du fu’s poems would not be so impressed and Chinese culture might lose many great treasures.
杜甫的例子是想说明家国不幸诗人幸？感觉这一段离题了。和政府资助艺术一点关系都没有。
To sum up, arts is not essential during the time full of famine and unemployment,（应该是不如其他社会问题重要，而不是不重要吧？） but it should not be ignored by government. The leader should use his wisdom to find a balance to maintain the relationship between them.

读到最后一句，发现和首段“I think the funding should only be decreased instead of being suspended”不相对应了。是不是写这篇I的时候思路不是很清晰，写得也不太顺畅？感觉段与段之间的联系都很弱，而且每一段和主论点也有些偏离。建议Mars再理一下思路，列个提纲，推敲一下，然后再修改。
纯属个人观点，不当之处，欢迎讨论~
BEN说的，lay a deep and solid foundation on rock not on sand. 我们把思路理顺，然后一段段写好，一定会进步的~一起加油！

wywcgsUID: 2565269

2# amber_c

说实话，我觉得这篇文章不是很好写。主要原因在于这个话题涉及到了三个对象：政府、社会危机、艺术。
想找到几个论点同时联系到这三个对象，很难。
所以我的做法就是主要联系两个对象，然后顺带分析下第三个。当然第三论点段应该顺便说明一下政府应该支持，这个是我忘了。
第一段说政府应该将主要精力放在缓解危机上，所以艺术不能成为重点（顺带提一下艺术）
第二段说艺术对社会危机有缓解作用，所以不能忽略。这段没提政府，因为我默认政府需要支持那些 有助于缓解危机的因素，我觉得这个不是大问题。
第三段说艺术在危机本身中也能得到发展——嗯，这段是应该顺带提下为啥政府要支持，是我疏忽了。

非要同时联系到三个对象的论点才不叫偏题么？这样的话……

FutureChaoUID: 2859515

感觉Song Huizong的例子关于统治者精力的问题而不是funding的问题

wywcgsUID: 2565269

Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic regions. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of the year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the purported decline in deer populations is the result of the deer's being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

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In the arguer’s paper, he claimed that the decline in deer populations is the result of deer's being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea. To support his conclusion, he quoted the hunters’ report about the deceasing of deer populations and claimed that the global warming which melted the ice was relevant to this phenomenon. Although it sounds reasonable at the first glance, he arguer failed to provide several essential evidences, which made his reasoning very weak.

Firstly, the arguer thought the report of local hunter could correctly reflect the real trends of deer populations, which is not so obvious. As we know, few people can observe all regions in these islands where deer live. Maybe that most of deer are living in the regions where the hunters cannot see, which made the reports about the declining of deer less convincing. It’s also possible that the hunters’ observing time is just the time when the deer’s activity is decreasing, so they cannot find as many deer as usual of course. There are so many reasons which may lead to the result of these reports, and the arguer didn’t provide any evidence to prove his suggestion.

Secondly, the deer's being unable to migration in the presence of the global warming trends suggests but cannot prove the causality between them. The reason why they don’t migration is vary. Perhaps the environment becomes too bad where they often migrated. For example, their favorite plants in this area may be too few to feed them hence they are not willing to migrate any more. The arguer should provide evidence about the situation of the environment they used to migrate if he wants to refute this possibility.

Even we have got enough evidence to support above two statements, the declining of deer populations, the arguer didn’t prove that the declining was caused by the deer's being unable to migration. Since we have known that there are local hunters, it’s possible that it is the hunters who killed too many deer. The evidence about the quantity of the deer killed by hunters is required to evaluate this possibility. The activity of animals which hunt deer for food is also an important factor. Of course the more activity these animals do, the less the number of deer is. So the research on the activity of these animals is also important. If the effect of hunters and animals is too significant to be ignored according to the evidence, the arguer’s conclusion will fail.

To sum up, the reason why the population of a kind of animal declined is complicated. It’s not as obvious as the arguer thought. To support his conclusion, he must provide more evidence to exclude other possibilities.

amber_cUID: 3131341

In the arguer’s paper, he（有点累赘） claimed（claims，用一般时就可以，后面相同错误都用红色标示） that the decline in deer populations is the result of deer's being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea. To support his conclusion, he quoted the hunters’ report about the deceasing of deer populations and claimed that the global warming which melted the ice was relevant to this phenomenon. Although it sounds reasonable at the first glance, he arguer
（直接用he 和she都不太恰当）failed to provide several essential evidences, which made his reasoning very weak.（从句的表达是符合语法的，不过weakens the reasoning会地道一些）

Firstly, the arguer thought the report of local hunter could correctly reflect the real trends of deer populations, which is not so obvious. As we know, few people can observe all regions in these islands where deer live. Maybe that most of deer are living in the regions where the hunters cannot see, which made the reports about the declining of deer less convincing. It’s （It is）also possible that the hunters’ observing time is just the time when the deer’s activity is decreasing(inactive也可以用在这里), so they cannot find as many deer as usual of course. There are so many reasons which may lead to the result of these reports, and the arguer didn’t provide any evidence to prove his suggestion.
hunters的reports缺乏可靠性。列举了几种可能，很合理。
Secondly, the deer's being unable to migration in the presence of the global warming trends suggests but cannot prove the causality between them. The reason why they don’t migration（是名字，这里需要动词） is vary（是动词，应用形容词）. Perhaps the environment becomes too bad where they often migrated. For example, their favorite plants in this area may be too few to feed them hence they are not willing to migrate any more.（食物变少了，以至于他们不愿意迁徙？） The arguer should provide evidence about the situation of the environment they used to migrate if he wants to refute this possibility.
不能迁徙不一定因为全球气候变暖。可能有多种原因。
Even we have got enough evidence to support above two statements, the declining of deer populations, the arguer didn’t prove that the declining was caused by the deer's being unable to migration. Since we have known that there are local hunters, it’s possible that it is the hunters who killed too many deer.（这句话可以简洁一些） The evidence about the quantity of the deer killed by hunters is required to evaluate this possibility. The activity of animals which hunt deer for food is also an important factor. Of course the more activity these animals do, the less the number of deer is. So the research on the activity of these animals is also important. If the effect of hunters and animals is too significant to be ignored according to the evidence, the arguer’s conclusion will fail.
鹿的减少不一定因为不能迁徙。可能是猎人或者其他动物的猎杀所致。
To sum up, the reason why the population of a kind of animal declined is complicated. It’s not as obvious as the arguer thought.（这句话可以去掉的） To support his conclusion, he must provide more evidence to exclude other possibilities.
末段可以再把需要的evidence重复一下，不然显得很空洞，感觉这样的总结可有可无。
文章的句式和词汇多变，值得我学习~