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[优秀习作] ISSUE20 [复制链接]

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发表于 2003-8-8 00:42:26 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
"National Goverment should devote more of their social programs and services to children than to adults."

Tens of thousands of million dollars poured into the pool of children programs, such as elementary schools, different kinds of new-published textbooks, or even some foreign language training tapes when children are still not given to birth? Then, we will consequently and inevitably live in a wonderful and happy society? Utopian Society, I suppose. And why? Just ask the government where the tax is collected. Adults' wallets. No doubt about it.

Let alone the quarreling and grumbling, the fact remains that it is the adults, and not their cute but poor children, are the main streams of this society. Imagine, a city (technically the same as a nation), say, Detroit, what will happen when the CEO of Ford, or GM on one miserable morning gloomily declare that they have to close ten plants and sack thousands of workers in Detroit owning to the bad days after the Tech bubble bursted? If you are just one of the unlucky ones, what is your first response? Driving your sweet children to the luxury and, absolutely, high-paid school and buying him some new-delivered expansive "Discovery" DVD? Of course no! The most emergent and critical thing he has to face is-job, finding a new job, as soon as possible. Some shrewd ones are even calculating how much he can save if driving less and taking more bus.

On the other hand, if many, say, 10% of the total (just as France now) adults have no work, no income, which means no money to pay the tax (luckily but ironically, they do not need to struggle themselves to evade it), where can government find enough money (only just for education, which is about 20% of the GDP in France) to do what they want to? Increasing taxes! Alas, this not seems to be a realistic and prudential option. Just like Reagan, the popular former American president and a not so popular actor when he is still in California, once said, when tax is too high, they choose not to work but hang up with buddies. So? If the government exert itself to supply more services to adults, for instance, more opportunity and entrance to work, or cut the tax to boost the economy (however, even all these efforts sometimes do not work), adults will have more sense of security and have more chance to do better for their children.

Admittedly, the young one in some respects has a more glorious future than the old one and it is essential or reasonable for any country, poor or rich, not to neglect their merits. But all this good dreams and real actions have to be based on a fact, which also should not be neglected, that the adults are playing the leading part in the society.

Simply put, if a country or a government does not want to see a lost in a coming election or even face a strike or even a revolt, it has to put the far-from-abundant money to the right and perfect place, but not to some white elephants. Any one who has an independent economic income knows this simple knowledge.
The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself
Hear this voice from deep inside
It’s the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The way out of the dark


Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star
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沙发
发表于 2003-8-8 09:20:59 |只看该作者
ding
The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself
Hear this voice from deep inside
It’s the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The way out of the dark


Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

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板凳
发表于 2003-8-8 15:22:54 |只看该作者

请帮忙看一下,不要怕刺激我的

谢谢谢谢
The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself
Hear this voice from deep inside
It’s the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The way out of the dark


Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

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寄托兑换店纪念章 梦舞槿樱 2015 US-applicant 寄托之心勋章 Libra天秤座 在任资深版主 Sub luck 读书种子 寄托16周年纪念勋章

地板
发表于 2003-8-8 16:20:55 |只看该作者
"National Goverment should devote more of their social programs and services to children than to adults."
Tens of thousands of million dollars poured into the pool of children programs, such as elementary schools, different kinds of new-published textbooks, or even some foreign language training tapes when children are still not given to birth? Then, we will consequently and inevitably live in a wonderful and happy society? Utopian Society,(请教一下是否一种特定说法表示空想) I suppose. And why? Just ask the government where the tax is collected. Adults' wallets. No doubt about it.(这样一个小句子放在这里感觉好怪)
Let alone the quarreling and grumbling, the fact remains that it is the adults, and(and是不是该删了 )not their cute but poor children, are the main streams of this society. Imagine(我也喜欢这样用呵呵), a city (technically the same as a nation), say, Detroit, what will happen when the CEO of Ford, or GM on one miserable morning gloomily declare that they have to close ten plants and sack thousands of workers in Detroit owning to the bad days after the Tech bubble bursted? If you are just one of the unlucky ones, what is your first response? Driving your sweet children to the luxury and, absolutely, high-paid school and buying him some new-delivered expansive "Discovery" DVD? Of course no! The most emergent and critical thing he has to face is-job, finding a new job, as soon as possible. Some shrewd ones are even calculating how much he can save if driving less and taking more bus.(不是很清楚你的例子和你的论点是什么关系)
On the other hand(前面没有on the one hand,这里用合适吗?纯属请教), if many, say, 10% of the total (just as France now) adults have no work, no income, which means no money to pay the tax (luckily but ironically, they do not need to struggle themselves to evade it), where can government find enough money (only just for education, which is about 20% of the GDP in France) to do what they want to? Increasing taxes! Alas, this not seems to be a realistic and prudential option. Just like Reagan, the popular former American president and a not so popular actor when he is still in California, once said, when tax is too high, they choose not to work but hang up with buddies. So?  If the government exert itself to supply more services to adults, for instance, more opportunity and entrance to work, or cut the tax to boost the economy (however, even all these efforts sometimes do not work), adults will have more sense of security and have more chance to do better for their children.

Admittedly, the young one in some respects has a more glorious future than the old one(换成the yound和the old是不是好些) and it is essential or reasonable for any country, poor or rich, (加上developing or developed  看见你前面的忽然想到的,呵呵)not to neglect their merits. But all this good dreams and real actions have to be based on a fact, which also should not be neglected, that the adults are playing the leading part in the society.
Simply put, if a country or a government does not want to see a lost in a coming election or even face a strike or even a revolt(好现实哦,感觉不爽), it has to put the far-from-abundant money to the right and perfect place, but not to some white elephants(请教这个说法). Any one who has an independent economic income knows this simple knowledge。
总体感觉对句子的使用很灵活,例子较多,思维比较好!佩服佩服!!

手艺不好,呵呵,没改过几次文章,还望见谅!

也说说我自己的想法吧:1,现在不论是家庭,社会都很重视孩子的教育培养等问题,这是理所当然的,他们代表着将来,
              2,(写成两段来说明)但事实上,成年人也很重要1)社会的主体,基础,和经济支柱,发展前提,                                      
                                                2)发展所谓的孩子的问题还要依靠这些成年人,所以就更不能够合适他们
           3.综合起来,平衡发展

可能比较缺乏深度,还希望指教!!


The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself
Hear this voice from deep inside
It’s the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The way out of the dark

Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star 很不错也
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发表于 2003-8-8 17:50:38 |只看该作者

呵呵,多谢多谢!~终于有人给斧正了~^_^

先说一下几个括号里的东东吧:
1。Utopian Society没问题,查了Webster:especially having impossibly idel conditons especially of social organization.
2。No doubt about it. 我觉得说了半天长句子是否该换一下,可能会觉得句子有力一些?
3。and应该没啥问题,NCE4里面一篇文章说CAM 和 OX时就是这么用的
4。那个例子我也觉得是否一点跑题?当时只是天马行空的写,觉得adults是社会主流,他们的失业和就业关系着整个家庭的安危。
5。On the other hand我觉得是否只要内容上前后不同就可以用了?似乎经常看到杂志上这么用。
6。the young one什么的纯属照搬NCE4里的用法,不过我觉得还是你的建议感觉更简洁
7。好现实??这个。。。我只是想戏谑一下。。
8。white elephants是指花了很多钱买来的没用的东西(中看不中用)

你的思路也很好啊。我觉得分论点好说,关键是如何在逻辑上过渡和衔接,这个有待进一步摸索。

哦,BTW,我的签名档源于The Scorpions的旷世之作:《Send Me an Angel》,歌词很棒,主唱的嗓子没治了。。。

再次感谢,多多交流!
The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself
Hear this voice from deep inside
It’s the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The way out of the dark


Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

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寄托兑换店纪念章 梦舞槿樱 2015 US-applicant 寄托之心勋章 Libra天秤座 在任资深版主 Sub luck 读书种子 寄托16周年纪念勋章

6
发表于 2003-8-8 22:01:28 |只看该作者
看来我看的东西太少了,惭愧啊!呵呵
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发表于 2003-8-8 22:16:59 |只看该作者
大家都是GREEN啦,切磋切磋而已嘛
The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself
Hear this voice from deep inside
It’s the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The way out of the dark


Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

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寄托兑换店纪念章 梦舞槿樱 2015 US-applicant 寄托之心勋章 Libra天秤座 在任资深版主 Sub luck 读书种子 寄托16周年纪念勋章

8
发表于 2003-8-8 23:46:34 |只看该作者
green 的程度可是有差异的也!哎!!郁闷
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发表于 2003-8-8 23:56:51 |只看该作者
genie05,光见你给别人改文章了,什么时候发表一下你的大作呀?^_^
The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself
Hear this voice from deep inside
It’s the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The way out of the dark


Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

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寄托兑换店纪念章 梦舞槿樱 2015 US-applicant 寄托之心勋章 Libra天秤座 在任资深版主 Sub luck 读书种子 寄托16周年纪念勋章

10
发表于 2003-8-9 00:06:56 |只看该作者
有一篇哈哈!没有看见吗?我找找
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发表于 2003-8-9 01:57:06 |只看该作者
看到一篇我认为不错的syllabus是这样的:
Adults, who make up the major working force of our society,are where the forturn and power of the nation lying,thus the premise of the social stability.
Far away from the superficial impression that national government has set enough social program and services to help adults,the fact is that,such help still can not meet the request and even worse is that some of are not adequately conducted to bear the assumed outcomes.
As we have to keep sufficient notice on adults affairs,we shall absolutely never fail to provide children a safe,clean and nice environment for them to grow happily and robustly.
the victory will not come to you unless you go to it!

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发表于 2003-8-9 08:50:46 |只看该作者
先说一下几个括号里的东东吧:
1。Utopian Society没问题,查了Webster:especially having impossibly idel conditons especially of social organization.
2。No doubt about it. 我觉得说了半天长句子是否该换一下,可能会觉得句子有力一些?(  good  enough)

you idea is insightful , yet , maybe somewhat narrow
\except  money , tax , are not anyting to woth saying?? such as mental stress, heallth problem , discrepancies, pressure and so on !!!!

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发表于 2003-8-9 08:55:54 |只看该作者
这位大虾 感觉你很牛 来帮忙鉴赏一下 我的着批

Important truths begin as outrageous , or at least uncomfortable , attacks upon the accepted wisdom of the time.

From free falling theory to relative theory , from evolution theory to that time and space are only relative concept , almost all truths begin as strange, uncomfortable even outrageous for so many reasons including objective ones as well as subjective ones. They attacks upon the accepted wisdom, neglected the popular authority .However , they ultimately were accepted .
On one hand , as far as the objective reasons are concerned , since they are truths , to some extent they are predict and anticipated , which surpass the normal persons' rang of understanding, therefore , it is reasonable that many people consider the truths as uncomfortable even outrageous. Especially when it comes to the pure science theory which is composed with some complex and puzzling formula which is a hot iron even for some specialists The relative theory is a fitting example : E equals m and square C.Although it seems easy and unimaginable , it is hard even impossible to improve it through the deduce or induce in mathematics and physics for some scientist except Einstein himself. Therefore it is no wonder that when Einstein put up his theory , almost all common scientists jeered and said he must be crazy. So taking into this consideration , we can safely conclude that it is not unreasonable at all that truths begin as strange even outrageous.
On the other hand , as far as the subjective reasons are concerned , it is human nature to remain their accustomed habits , views , ideology , therefore once someone wants to change them, it is inevitable to cause some opposite . Common senses tell us that we are so
emotional that even the contemporary can not evolve it .Hawking one of the greatest physicist of our time is a classical example. when he overcome every obstacle and put up his theory about black hole and then conclude the god is not existing at all. Being accustomed to her belief and still embrace by god , his wife Jane regarded him as uncomfortable. For this reason (of course including others) Jane divorced with Hawking. This example just illustrates that emotion is an important and sometime horrible factor when we are challenged to change ourselves and accept the new truths.
However the truths can survive even thrive from the bias and emotions of the people at that time , and ultimately were accepted and used . We can easily reach this conclusion without going to far. Free falling , relative theory , quantity theory and so on are accepted and popular. In fact as a new things to emergent , it has huge strength to break through the limitation and restraint of old things , which is a classical theory of philosophy about the key character of new things distinct from the old ones. Therefore , in the society level it is this supplement and replacement that spur the advance of the society.
In sum , due to the analysis and reasons mentioned above , which sometimes interwine to form an organic whole an thus become more persuasive than anyone of them , we can conclude that although at the beginning the truth would suffer the supplant however it will ultimately survive and thrive.


(这位大虾 感觉你很牛 来帮忙鉴赏一下  )

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发表于 2003-8-9 10:00:28 |只看该作者
最初由 mengliwang 发布
you idea is insightful , yet , maybe somewhat narrow
\except  money , tax , are not anyting to woth saying?? such as mental stress, heallth problem , discrepancies, pressure and so on !!!! [/B]


呵呵,或许是我看The Economist太多了,搞得跟个黄世仁一样^_^
The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself
Hear this voice from deep inside
It’s the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The way out of the dark


Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

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RE: ISSUE20 [修改]

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