issue89 领导者的产生. 请多指教.

shmily619UID: 135222

把这个论坛放在收藏夹里面，一直上不来，以为出了什么问题呢，很久都没有来了。
这是我的第4篇文章，第一个问题是时间超时，第二个问题感觉分析不够彻，第三个就是没有好的例子。请各位高手多加指教！多谢！

89."Leaders are created primarily by the demands that are placed upon them."

提纲
1.        提出观点,时代要求和个人努力是形成领导的两个条件.
2.        时代要求在领导形成中的作用.
3.        个人努力也是必不可少的.
4.        形成是必然性和偶然性的结合.
5.        结论.缺一不行.

Whatever the era in which humans live, it should not be denied that leaders play a extraordinarily important role on the process of societal progress. Then a question appears: What is the main cause that helps to create a leader? And why is a certain people the leader? Some people hold that leaders are created primarily by the demands that are placed upon them. In my opinion, to create a leader, there should have two factors: the contemporary demands as well as the endeavor of oneself.

Primarily, the situation of the epoch servers as a necessary force to create a leader. There is a popular saying goes: the hero is created by the current situation. Which shows the great effect of age on the creating of leaders, because the leaders are generally considered as hero. First, when a regime can not meet the requirement of its citizens, can not follow the tendency of development, or even violate the final goals human beings pursue insistently, it need  be reformed  inevitably. Then the demands for leaders appear, which is one of the prerequisites that creates the leaders. Without leaders, though the citizens can not tolerant the slowly pace of development or the brutality of the government, they can not be solidified into an organic whole, thus the goal to reform become more difficult or even impossible. Second, if the society marches on smoothly, there also have the demands for leaders to make policies, laws and other strategies that can improve the well-being of the citizens. In result, the demands for leaders play a significant part on the creating of leaders.

Secondly, without the endeavor of the leaders themselves, it is not necessary for them to become leaders. Then comes the next question referred to above: why is he a leader not other people? As far as the era is considered, it is inevitably to create leaders to help fulfill the mission in the contemporary situation. However, if we consider the candidates of the leaders, their being selected is only by chance, just as opportunity. Because the opportunity for everyone is equal theoretically, whether you can be a leader, which is lie on yourself. You should practise yourself frequently, should have the charisma to direct others, should have highly capacity of organization, and so forth. Only when you have these indispensable qualities, can you have the chance to become leader. Otherwise, the demands mean nothing for you.

In fact, the creating of leaders is a process to combine inescapability and chanciness. The situation of era has the demand for leaders, but to select certain people rather than others is not necessary. For example, MaoZeDong, as a prominent leader, instituted the new China. Which meet the demand of era, but if Mao had not the quality do so, he would had not been selected. Then, another excellent person will superseded Mao as the leader to finish the mission. As a result, a leader must be provided with the two preconditions: the demands of era and the capacity of his own.

In conclusion, both the demands of era and the ability of ones own contribute to the creation of a leader. Without the former, lots of excellent people will have no opportunity to become leaders, at the same time, without their own endeavor, they can not grasp the opportunity too when it appears.

shmily619UID: 135222

re一下

shmily619UID: 135222

有人指教一下吗？谢谢了

blake_wangUID: 9871

1, There seems to be a good essay not in English but in Chinese.perhaps, it is quite difficult for you to translate them all into English.
2, I'd like to propose than topic sentence plus concrete examples is common to Egnlish readers, at least to GRE readers.
3,

paisleyUID: 64183

你这篇文章，类似的和相关的文章已经有许多前人写过，我们有过很深入的讨论了。你可以搜索一下，对照一下这些文章。 或参照置顶的帖子。

我本人不太喜欢两边都说重要的论点，没有明确立场。不过你这篇写得还不错，结合得不生硬，主要因为后面有一段综括性的话。

第二段在反面情形下对领导的要求这段论述的不错，正面情况下的还可以多花点笔墨。比如分类讨论，平稳状态下的国家一般demands什么呢？然后再一一对应相应要满足这些demands的领导们。如果有一两个例子更好。

语言上总体可以，但是细节上还有很多不够的，比如要加s处没有加，要to be的地方也没写。还有语言太随意了，就像大白话似的，不像正式的议论文。要注意炼字和句式的变化。

希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。尤其是提点结构上和想法上的建议。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦！