argue36第一篇习作

363452981UID: 3150796

10.23的新G，因为作文一直是自己的大弱项，所以现在才开始写作文，在论坛观摩众多大牛指导之后花了很长时间敲了第一篇习作，请大家拍~~~~~~~谢谢大家~~~

36.The following report appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid—a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil—as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

以下是作文，字数有点少·····o(╯□╰)o
In this newsletter,the author recommend people in West Meria using Ichthaid,a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil,to prevent cold and lower absenteeism.It may seem plausible but need much more specific evidence to strengh the suggestion.
In the argument,it refers that colds is the most frequently given reason for absences.Is colds the really reason for absences but not excuses for people's lasy or something else?How many absentors offer valid prooves from doctors to justify that their are really get in colds to the degree that prevent them from work or study?The author do not make specific evidence.So there may be such possibility that even though colds decreased,but workers and students still use it for a excuse for absence.
Despite the integrity of the West Meria resident,there still remains some other faulse in the argument.The author conclude a fallacy of causal oversimplification.Specific evidence is needed to authenticate the high fish consumption result in lower colds rate in East Meria.It may be other factors that contribute to EM's low colds rate such as most of the people in EW exercise everyday to keep health while the people in WM is too lasy to do some sports.Or maybe except for eating fish,people in EM also keep a balance diet and keep an eye on weather changing to prevent colds while people in WM do not pay any attention to these health life styles.The argument fails to offer any well-founded that eating fish is the only way to prevent colds.
Even though we admit that eating fish can prevent colds,why WM resident should definitely choose Ichthaid?Is there any specific evidence demonstrates the Ichthaid does also effective in preventing colds as well as eating fish?Although we know that it is derived from fish oil,what is the really preventible factors in fish?It may be fish skin or fish eyes that really prevent colds instead of fish oil.The author fails to tell us it is the fish oil that can prevent colds.Even if it is ture,why Ichthaid?Since eating fish can prevent colds,resident can just eating more fish than before.Unless there has specific evidence to prove that Ichthaid is the most health and efficient nutrirional supplement surpass fish and any other supplement which is derived from fish.
All in all,in order to reduce the colds rate and lower absenteeism,much more specific evidences are needed to authentic the authors recommend,we can not make a such hasty conclusion before scientific investigation,which may lead to some unsatisfied results.

我用中文写出自己的批判点吧~~~
1.感冒有可能只是一个缺勤的借口，在没有特别证据的证实下即使是感冒减少也不见得缺勤的情况可以改善。
2.吃鱼是否是减少感冒的原因？是否是唯一原因？两市的居民是否因为其他因素而导致得病几率不一样？
3.就算吃鱼可以减少感冒，为什么West Meria的居民一定要选择Ichthaid而不是别的？
我的文笔非常非常差，请大家严重拍！！！！！再次感谢！！！！！

363452981UID: 3150796

自己帮自己顶一下~~~

503978939UID: 3033535

楼主加我QQ吧？503978939

503978939UID: 3033535

我现在在用一个检查语法的软件叫 whitesmoke，有破解版的，就是必须上网才能用。好像还有个软件叫易改，也可以检查语法。

肖邦的眼泪1987UID: 3066646

楼主留下qq，咱们建立一个互改小组，我刚加了沙发

363452981UID: 3150796

5# 肖邦的眼泪1987
蒽蒽~~好的好的~~~谢谢 363452981~~~