issue114

lubritiaUID: 141474

大家帮忙看看,还有希望得4分吗?
104"Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence, and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity."

Nobody will negate the convenience technology has taken to us, and it has change our condition a lot: it makes us using just several hours to get the country on the other side of the earth, it also makes us hear the voice of people who are millions of miles far from us. However, we should know the disadvantage of technology so that we can negate or reduce its negative effect.

The notion that overall condition of humanity is no better based on the fact, as mentioned in the statement, war, violence, and poverty are still with us is problematic. War, violence, poverty were always with us, but the frequency is much better than a century ago. As for the war, the device people use often protect people from being hurt, the device try to reduce the contact of persons, they often sit in a particular tank or sometime they often use the device without any person in it. So there is a sharp reduction in rate of wound and death. All that show the progress that technology takes to us. Unfortunately, technology does not often take positive effect to us, taking advantage of nuclear weapon in war may take us destructive effect.

As the development of technology, there are many other negative effects on our humanity appear in various way, which people did not expect. For example, many hack, with high technology mind, attack the computer of others, make the other's computer not able to run properly. Those people often have clear and cautious mind, so it is more difficult to catch them. Nowadays, after we make aware of the harm taken by the technology more and more clearly, we begin to think how to avoid or reduce the harm and take action accordingly. This is the progress of our mind, which will bring the actual progress of our life in the future.

In a word, technology is tool for us. If used properly, it will benefit us much, while if used in the false way, it will do harm to us, even take us to destruction. As for our human being, we certainly expect to live a better life rather than disappear in the world, so we surely need to take good advantage of the technology, and at the same time, try to avoid the negative effect the technology may take.

lubritiaUID: 141474

没人给意见,先自己顶一下吧,怕被淹了

木耳UID: 123036

Nobody will negate the convenience technology has taken to us, and it has change our condition a lot: it makes us using just several hours to get the country on the other side of the earth, it also makes us hear the voice of people who are millions of miles far from us.（这些论据最好放到后面） However, we should know the disadvantage of technology so that we can negate or reduce its negative effect.

The notion that overall condition of humanity is no better based on the fact, as mentioned in the statement, war, violence, and poverty are still with us is problematic. War, violence, poverty were always with us, but the frequency is much better than a century ago.（lower是不是更合适？） As for the war, the device people use often protect people from being hurt, the device try to reduce the contact of persons, they often sit in a particular tank or sometime they often use the device without any person in it. So there is a sharp reduction in rate of wound and death. All that (those)show the progress that technology takes to us. Unfortunately, technology does not often take positive effect to us, taking advantage of nuclear weapon in war may take us destructive effect.(这一段只是用武器 什么的做论据不是很充分)

As the development of technology, there are many other(other删掉) negative effects on our humanity appear in various way, which people did not expect. For example, many hack(hacker), with high technology mind(skills), attack the computer of others(computers), make the other's computer not able to run properly. Those people often have clear and cautious mind, so it is more difficult to catch them. Nowadays, after we make aware of the harm taken by the technology more and more clearly, we begin to think how to avoid or reduce the harm and take action accordingly. This is the progress of our mind, which will bring the actual progress of our life in the future(应就科技与人性做文章，而不是只谈科技的负面效应，整篇文章好像就没出现humanity这个词).

In a word, technology is tool for us. If used properly, it will benefit us much, while if used in the false way, it will do harm to us, even take us to destruction. As for our human being,(beings) we certainly expect to live a better life rather than disappear in the world(在这个世界消失？rather than destroy ourselves by our own technologies是不是更好一些？), so we surely need to take good advantage of the technology, and at the same time, try to avoid the negative effect the technology may take.
有些跑题。只说了科技，没说人性，更没说二者之间关系。应在提纲上多下功夫

木耳UID: 123036

我恰巧也写过这篇，看一下，或许有帮助
Contemporary society is sometimes portrayed as dominated by science and technology. In this technology advanced and information overloaded society, some people believe that technology has nearly taken place of humanity, which has little real progress over the past century or so. The speaker of the title statement, who says that the overall condition of humanity is no better and claims that technology can not change the condition of humanity, is one of these people. However, as far as I am concerned, the technology does not hinder the progress of humanity but has made really contribution to humanity. And I base my contention on three points.

First of all, the progress of humanity and development of technology are not mutually exclusive but in harmony. In fact, after careful investigation, one can find that in the past centuries, humanity and technology have both been developing. Human beings have entered the Age of Democracy as well as Information. My country China serves a good example. About 100 years ago, China was still a country of feudalism, in which mass had little human rights. What was worse, when many Europeans had finished their Industry Revolution, China had almost no factories. Hiving nearly 4 billion people, the big country, which and once was one of the most powerful empires, even could not produce a piece of match! But what surprises the whole world is, after about one hundred years of development, China now has found her confidence and stood up. It is true that China is still a developing country. But she has made dramatic progress in both technology and humanity. Her industrious products are sold all over the world and most people enjoy their happy lives.

What is more, although technology has developed rapidly during the past hundreds of years, it has not taken place of humanity but made great contribution to the progress of humanity. The Industry Revolution just illustrates this position. Before the Industry Revolution, the status of women was much lower then men. But after the revolution, the situation has changed. In the industry Revolution factories emerged rapidly in major cities. And the increase number of factories demanded more and more workers. However, as the number of male workers was limited, many factories had to employ females. Having a job increased the status of women in economy, which consequently caused the women’s demand in politics. Thereby, the Liberation of Women Movement began. Finally, women won their equal rights as men. Moreover, the Industry Revolution is the fundamental course of the thriving of public education. From then on, more and more common individuals could go to middle schools and colleges, in which, they would have a more profound understanding of humanity.

In addition, humanity set ethical and moral standards for science and technology. Nowadays, the research of clone technology on human beings is under strong critics, as it is against the basic ethical and moral standards in humanity. If one retrospects the history of the past hundreds of years, he would discover the fact that the technology and science are always under the guide of humanity.

It is admitted that War, violence and poverty are still with us; however, humanity and technology have never stop for a moment to find ways to solve the problems. Actually, more than 50 years, there is no big war likes the World War Two on the earth.

After all, humanity has made great progress in the past centuries. Technology has not hindered or replaced humanity but contributed to it a lot. What we can see in the future is both the development of humanity and technology together.

自我自在UID: 142339

木耳，你写得很不错嘛。except for very few grammer mistakes,which can be totally neglected at the early stage. However,you do make a great progress,both in the content and the strategy.:)

木耳UID: 123036

Hah? Are there some grammer mistakes?Could you help me correct them?
You will have my thanks.

glidingshUID: 110700

我还有4days考试
水平不必你好
加油

lubritiaUID: 141474

多谢你的修改和建议,真是一句话惊醒我梦中人………
才发现自己对humanity的理解有问题,真郁闷,在临考前还出这毛病,考试起不是麻烦了
我要加紧研究题库了.
First of all, the progress of humanity and development of technology are not mutually exclusive but in harmony.
Contemporary society is sometimes portrayed as dominated by science and technology. In this technology advanced and information overloaded society, some people believe that technology has nearly taken place of humanity, which has little real progress over the past century or so. The speaker of the title statement, who says that the overall condition of humanity is no better and claims that technology can not change the condition of humanity, is one of these people. However, as far as I am concerned, the technology does not hinder the progress of humanity but has made really contribution to humanity. And I base my contention on three points. (开头很好)

First of all, the progress of humanity and development of technology are not mutually exclusive but in harmony. (我觉得题目只是说,科技进步,而人性没进步,所以你在这里只说harmony,把mutually exclusive比较好)In fact, after careful investigation, one can find that in the past centuries, humanity and technology have both been developing. Human beings have entered the Age of Democracy as well as Information. My country China serves a good example. About 100 years ago, China was still a country of feudalism, in which mass had little human rights. What was worse, when many Europeans had finished their Industry Revolution, China had almost no factories. Hiving nearly 4 billion people, the big country, which and once was one of the most powerful empires, even could not produce a piece of match! But what surprises the whole world is, after about one hundred years of development, China now has found her confidence and stood up. It is true that China is still a developing country. But she has made dramatic progress in both technology and humanity. Her industrious products are sold all over the world and most people enjoy their happy lives. (觉得这一段对例子的分析中没有体现technology与humanity的共同进步,只是说了说中国的迅速发展,在最后两句提了提humanity)

What is more, although technology has developed rapidly during the past hundreds of years, it has not taken place of humanity but made great contribution to the progress of humanity. The Industry Revolution just illustrates this position. Before the Industry Revolution, the status of women was much lower then men. But after the revolution, the situation has changed. In the industry Revolution factories emerged rapidly in major cities. And the increase number of factories demanded more and more workers. However, as the number of male workers was limited, many factories had to employ females. Having a job increased the status of women in economy, which consequently caused the women’s demand in politics. Thereby, the Liberation of Women Movement began. Finally, women won their equal rights as men. Moreover, the Industry Revolution is the fundamental course of the thriving of public education. From then on, more and more common individuals could go to middle schools and colleges, in which, they would have a more profound understanding of humanity. (这段例子分析的很好,俺要好好学习)

In addition, humanity set ethical and moral standards for science and technology. Nowadays, the research of clone technology on human beings is under strong critics, as it is against the basic ethical and moral standards in humanity. If one retrospects the history of the past hundreds of years, he would discover the fact that the technology and science are always under the guide of humanity. (always太绝对了,technology也会失控吧,改称often会好些)

It is admitted that War, violence and poverty are still with us, however, humanity and technology have never stop for a moment to find ways to solve the problems. Actually, more than 50 years, there is no big war (likes) [like] the World War Two on the earth.

After all, humanity has made great progress in the past centuries. Technology has not hindered or replaced humanity but contributed to it a lot. What we can see in the future is both the development of humanity and technology together. (比起开头结尾似乎欠缺一些)
个人认为第五段分析不够透彻,第二段与第三段的意思重复.建议把第二段的意思加入第三段,或是直接删去,把第五段展开说.而且我们将来看到的肯定是人性与科技的和谐发展吗?我看我们要努力做到才对!

说的不对的地方,请批评!

lubritiaUID: 141474

最初由 glidingsh 发布
[B]我还有4days考试
水平不必你好
加油 [/B]

你也加油
小建议:
这些天好好总结一下前面的写过的文章,出现的错误
要注意模考的节奏
不要太紧张了,要调整好状态,有助于考场上发挥.

天外飞仙UID: 136821

but paragraph 1 of your discussion seems a little innane. I mean the example of our motherland's development can not support your paragraph topic well enough. It seems that you lay more emphasis on the technological development than on the develpment of humanity --- the latter is which you are supposed to emphasize.

Just my personal opinion.

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

关于楼主的“绝望”，大可不必。看了你的文章，我觉得还有救的。就是审题方面没把好关，要好好想想题目列出的名词之间的逻辑关系，然后联系实际，那么这样就不枉此“复”啦。