saturn2011的作文贴

saturn2011UID: 3071229

2.22独立 综合   by鸡蛋壳
多谢大家指点，请有错尽管调啊~语法呀用词啦~

陶太郎UID: 3066263

16# saturn2011

楼主的综合写的是tpo 12的喽？

saturn2011UID: 3071229

17# 陶太郎 恩是的啊

saturn2011UID: 3071229

请附你的作文链接，我没找到
17# 陶太郎

xiaogalayyUID: 3256066

101030NA Do you agree or disagree with thefollowing statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

Education, normally seen as an easy source of knowledge, can also become the focuson controversy. Indeed, people's views can be poles apart as whether educationnowadays has easier access or not than in thepast. In my view, I think(我觉得in myview 和I think略有些重复呢) education nowadaysis easier to obtain for the following reasons.

To begin with, it is the parental expectation that their children couldhave great success, with which children will glory their family and earnthemselves a better living. Because education is suppose to be the mostefficient and effective way of success in today's utilitarian society, childrenare expected to be educated, rather than staying at home or going to work asmost children did in the past.（这句话很好，也很关键，因为它是联系教育和成功的。略有不足的是，这句话似乎太长了，有40个词吧，可以尝试着稍微改短一些呢，不然我读着感觉有些要喘气的感觉啦。我试着改下哦：Education is supposed to be the most efficient and effective way ofsuccess in today's utilitarian society. As a result, children are expected tobe educated, rather than staying at home or going to work as most children didin the past. 其实只有一些小变化，但似乎读起来更舒畅些~） Due to its potential benefit, education ischosen by most parents as a way to allow their children to become success. Eventhe poorest parents choose to send their child to school, not to mention themore wealthy ones.

What's more, this new era creates moreopportunities for those who want to be educated. Thegrowing number of educational facilities and libraries also contributes to theeasier access to education. If a person wants tobe educated nowadays, he has varieties ofchoices of educational institutions such as public schools, private schools andhe can even get self trained from books or on-line classes. Countlessadvertisements such as a farmer taught himself through the private training coursesand finally become a professor can be seeneverywhere. These examples, in some case, indicate that more possibilities arehappening in our new generation in education.

There are broader lessons to draw from LiWan, especially to do with the abundantfinancial support that is available. (其实，后半句的意思我没有看明白) Due to government'sfinancial assistance and charity by local association, educational institutionsare now available of more facilities, books and other up-to date resources.What's more, government even cut off the schoolfees for some poor students who are excellent in the scores. Therefore,students, capable of paying the school fee or not, can get easier access toeducation than in the past, when the whole society are in a low level ofeconomic condition and education is only the dream for the rich ones..


Admittedly, there are some disadvantagesthat of (好像还没有写完，很期待你的文字呢~不过我很好奇你想写的disadvantage是什么啊 ~)

总结：我觉得你写的还是很有思路的，逻辑还是很清晰的。因而，我修改的部分主要是一些打字打错的地方。只是There are broader lessons to。。。的这一段，我不太明白什么意思，Li Wan是谁啊，他是提供了教育方面的财务支持吗？感觉没有写的很明白。你这段似乎是要说政府的减免学费或不收学费会使得easier access to education，对吧？但是该段开头句，我还是觉得有些小小的莫名呐~以上为我的拙见，仅供参考呢，加油。


revised by xiaogalayy

saturn2011UID: 3071229

2.23 独立
Can two people be good friends if one people has more money than the other



Friends, normally seen as a very pure notion, can also become the focus of controversy. Indeed, people's views can be poles apart as the fundamental bases that hold two people's relationship, whether on money or on relations. In my view, everyone, should give priority to relations rather than financial issues, because true friendship is the most valuable thing in the world and can be bought with no money. I strongly agree that two people can be good friends even one of them has more money.

To begin with, it's general expectation that two friends can be mutually benefited in their relationship, both mentally and meterially. In this case, the rich one, who are the expert in earning money, can often give precise guidance to the poor in his/her earning of more income; whereas the poor , who has more time to develop his/her self interest, can provide up-to-date informations in other fields such as health caring and house decorating. Because it's commonly believe that everyone can shape his/her target field more or less if they actually devote to it, money is only a matter of time. Thus, friendships are expected to be built on a more stable base ,such as one's inner part, rather than money that may be easily gained or lost .Bo Ya and Zi Qi, for instance, were one of the most well-known friends in China's history. Bo Ya is a poor farmer in Wudai dinersty while Zi Qi is a noble.But they become friends finally and both of them likes playing Zheng, an ancient music instument.


There are broader lessons we can draw from Bo Ya and Zi Qi's story, especially to do with another fundamental feature of building an friendship, that is to say, interests in common, which will not change or loss with one's financial conditions. Currently, the number of marriage is gradually increased of which the brides and grooms are in different income quartile and it is also said that majority of these couples have at least one common interest. These couples,  their marriage are base on their true affection and their common topics in everyday life. As for friends, which is another kind of close relationship in our social network and have a lot of similarities with marriage in its long-lasting features ，both of which need some interests in common. Common topics help friends tie their relationship more tightly, as well as allow them having fun together.  



Furthermore, whether two become friends, it largely depends on their characters, including bahavior manners, speaking style and especially their analytical thinking methods. All of these have nothing to do with money and one's character is not easily changed but need a long time of formation. The basis of friendship neither concerns about their richness.  If a poor person who care nothing about money become friend of a very rich person who care a lot about money, they will feel uncomfortable being together.In this case, it seems better for the poor to befriend someone don't care for economic level. Rather than be placed in a position where it may have to compromise one's dignity, the poor instead could
choose his friends according to their characters, what do they care most and especially their attitudes toward money. Rich or poor can never be standars of true friendships ; it is people's attitude toward them that determines the relationship.As a consequence, the poor and the rich can certainly become friend, only if their friends treat money as the same way as themselves.

Admittedly, there are some certain conditions that a poor and a rich person is not able to become friend. They might have different living habbits and the gaps between their living standars might be huge. However, it's that true friendship is based on mutually attracted characters and  common interests. It is not that the economic quartiles they are in. Therefore, I reinforce my standpoint that I think the poor can befriend the rich.

呵呵这篇文章是以前学习模板的时候的练习稿，所以时间上没有控制了，写的多了一点，改了改就拿出来用了，谢谢童鞋了*-*

saturn2011UID: 3071229

TPO  14 运走森林中的死树

The lecture disagrees with the claims in reading passage that salvage logging can solve the problems of damaging forests and economic loss.On the contrary, the lecture holds the point that salvage logging may even cause longger term damage.

First, even though choked trees will take up space for new trees to grow, there are more disadvantages of salvage logging .To begin with,the decaying trees can rich the soil that will help the future generation to grow in a better condition. What's more, removal of dead trees might even move away some nutritious soils that benefit next breed.

Second, the harmful insects caused by dead trees are not a major damage that should be concerned. Because birds and some benefical insects may also get attracted by  decaying trees ,and those birds and insects  contribute to the long time benefit of the forest. Moreover,  birds and good insects do more good than those harmful insects,which means that disadvantages of salvage logging  outweigh the advantages.

Third, the point that salvage logging can provide job opportunities is also not proved in the lecture. Because the facilities such as helicopters used to transport the loggs will cost a lot, and  those jobs provided during the process are mostly available for outsiders with more specific skills, rather than local residents.Thus, these job opportunities, eapecially temporary jobs, will not help the local residents.

birdorUID: 2903464

2.23综合写作应该是TPO13吧? 楼主和我在同一组, 我估计楼主错写成TPO14了.

gtlddsUID: 3228712

因为这次一次分组竟然5个人一组= =，今天实在改不完了，明天发给你吧

figuechenUID: 2850619

抱歉因为昨晚临时有事所以没来得及改你的2.23独立，我争取今天尽早改完！抱歉。。

葩公子UID: 3250277

2.23 独立' b' ]. Z5 a& W' I4 W0 q# u/ }
Can two people be good friends if one people has more money than the other5 s0 J. [0 Y$ j) r! f& m* H6 ~
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Friends, normally seen as a very pure notion, can also become the focus of controversy. Indeed, people's views can be poles apart as the fundamental bases that hold two people's relationship, whether on money or on relations. In my view, everyone, should give priority to relations rather than financial issues, because true friendship is the most valuable thing in the world and can be bought with no money（这个是不是很地道的用法？我实在是不知道。。）. I strongly agree that two people can be good friends even one of them has more money. 2 [1 k; w: A. u9 E+ C
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To begin with, it's general expectation that two friends can be mutually benefited in their relationship, both mentally and meterially（materially）. In this case, the rich one, who are the expert in earning money, can often give precise guidance to the poor in his/her earning of more income; whereas the poor , who has more time to develop his/her self interest, can provide up-to-date informations in other fields such as health caring and house decorating. Because it's commonly believe that everyone can shape his/her target field more or less if they actually devote to it, money is only a matter of time（建议LZ将这句话想表达的意思讲清楚些）. Thus, friendships are expected to be built on a more stable base ,such as one's inner part, rather than money that may be easily gained or lost .Bo Ya and Zi Qi, for instance, were one of the most well-known friends in China's history. Bo Ya is a poor farmer in Wudai dinersty while Zi Qi is a noble.But they become friends finally and（用for吧，加强逻辑关系） both of them likes playing Zheng, an ancient music instument（拼写）.
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There are broader lessons we can draw from Bo Ya and Zi Qi's story, especially to do with another fundamental feature of building an friendship, that is to say, interests in common, which will not change or loss with one's financial conditions. Currently, the number of marriage is gradually increased of which the brides and grooms are in different income quartile and it is also said that majority of these couples have at least one common interest.（顺序建议修改一下，有点乱） These couples,  their marriage are base（-d） on their true affection and their common topics in everyday life. As for friends, which is another kind of close relationship in our social network and have a lot of similarities with marriage in its long-lasting features ，both of which need some interests in common. Common topics help friends tie their relationship more tightly, as well as allow them having fun together.  
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' [; L  E; T: O# PFurthermore, whether two become friends, it largely depends on their characters, including bahavior manners, speaking style and especially their analytical thinking methods. All of these have nothing to do with money and one's character is not easily changed but need a long time of formation（建议将句子分成短句以便表述清楚意思）. The basis of friendship neither concerns about their richness（？）.  If a poor person who care nothing about money become friend of a very rich person who care a lot about money, they will feel uncomfortable being together.In this case, it seems better for the poor to befriend someone don't care for economic level. Rather than be placed in a position where it may have to compromise one's dignity, the poor instead could! _' w7 ]2 M4 d* |$ t6 T
choose his friends according to their characters, what do they care most and especially their attitudes toward money. Rich or poor can never be standars of true friendships ; it is people's attitude toward them that determines the relationship.As a consequence, the poor and the rich can certainly become friend, only if their friends treat money as the same way as themselves。（直到最后才看懂这段的意思，建议将中心句放在每段开头）
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Admittedly, there are some certain conditions that a poor and a rich person is not able to become friend. They might have different living habbits and the gaps between their living standars might be huge. However, it's that true friendship is based on mutually attracted characters and  common interests. It is not that the economic quartiles（？） they are in. Therefore, I reinforce my standpoint that I think the poor can befriend the rich.
LZ这个模板的痕迹还是挺严重的，不过这个模板真心不错诶。。。开头结尾的论证都很有力。
LZ的第三个论点很值得我思考，赞一个！
如果能关注一下拼写与前后一致会更好了，另外有些句子读着不是很顺= =

saturn2011UID: 3071229

谢谢的的修改我觉得很有启发
不过请问为什么说模板痕迹很重？
26# 葩公子

saturn2011UID: 3071229

TPO17的综合作文，多谢

saturn2011UID: 3071229

2.29  独立

佐左927UID: 3229248

鸡蛋壳 没看见你3.1的独立啊？