【Daily Writing作文特训小组】Lusota的作业贴

LusotaUID: 2929567

15# kikyou_lr
多谢kikyou_lr的建议，我又修改了一遍~一起加油吧~

wqr619UID: 3007621

好文加油~~~

LusotaUID: 2929567

2.8 独立
20120208-jj20101031NA.doc (27 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2012-2-8 23:17:12 上传

下载次数: 7

看者必拍啊~不拍不可啊~

towardsBTUID: 3236375

sorry，这两天都很忙，这么晚才改，请见谅~

stancy_zhangUID: 3235143

第一次改作文，自己水平也不是很好，如果有改错的地方请原谅~
Nowadays, due to the increasingly developed level of globalization,（感觉有点拗口，是不是改成increasing development of 更好） people are faced with various problems which may unavoidably bring some unpleasant changes to their life consequently. By gradually aware（by 是介词，是不是应该用awaring，这个我也不是很确定） of the situation, compared to the possible further aftermath of doing nothing, catering to the revolution and discovering the advantages of these changes may be more beneficial to us.（不是很懂这句话） Thus, in this case, moving to a new environment is actually the proper way for me.（之前一直用us，这里也用us可能会更加统一）

It is generally known that trying to adapt to the totally unknown surroundings with no people are familiar to（感觉用with更好，to倾向于被动） you at the very start is something that sounds quite unimaginable, but as a matter of fact, nobody is going to be confined in one place for his whole life. What's more, without new catalysts（不理解这个词放在这里的意思） in unknown places to force（to force 改成forcing 不然感觉成分缺乏） a man to move on, the man itself（himself） and even society would not be more and more progressive now. In this way, people's sight in making new friends and appropriately maintaining their friendships may be developed with the change. Therefore, people will quickly make new relationships (make ralationships 貌似搭配不太对)in the new place.  
As for the old friends, there is no way for time to draw them away from us. After all, we have many approaches to keep in touch with our old friends now. Moreover, with the gradual progress occurred on us, we may know more about how to keep our friendships more firm（firmly）. As I said, moving to new places may add more benefit to people and likewise will firm our old friendships after experiencing the tests of time and distance. Take（taking） my close classmate for example, we are used to be studying in the same school and the friendship between us is so firm that our parents all take us as their own children. However, in a way that is not expected she had to move to a remote place because of her father's sudden changing of job. Forced by the reality, we have to keep touch with each other by exchanging emails, talking on the phone, and traveling together in elsewhere. After undergoing numerous tests, we are （more closer）close to each other as before and thoroughly aware of the importance of our valuable friendship.

Apart from all the issues mentioned above, it is undeniable that the future is unknown and challenging, and accordingly people actually have no idea about the good or bad fortune of our choice at all. A saying goes like that good or bad we must all live. And what's more, we had better be more active in leading our life. Only by opening our eyes(broaden our horizons) and constantly enriching our experiences can we make the future seem more clear.

In conclusion, with the increasingly rapid development of capability of human being, friends are available anywhere in anytime. Thus, bravely choosing the new place to begin a new life is no longer a terrible choice for people now.
感觉层次很清晰，一些转折的词用的很棒！学习，学习！除此之外，对于题目中的关键词的替代种类也很多，有一些我用橘黄色标出来了，自己写的时候想了很久也没想到几个。。。失败。。。

LusotaUID: 2929567

20# stancy_zhang
那个，be familiar with 指sb.对sth.熟悉
        be familiar to    指sth.对sb.来说是熟悉的
根据文中的句式，好像用后者更符合一些，你说呢？

还有，上一句其实上传后就发现错误了，把compared with 笔误写成compared to了。。。惭愧啊~

take for example是个固定用法，以。。为例

多谢你的认真修改，一起加油吧~

sodapengUID: 3242849

已改~

LusotaUID: 2929567

2.9 独立 by Lusota

20120209-jj20100924NA.doc (27.5 KB, 下载次数: 8)

2012-2-9 23:48:23 上传

下载次数: 8

太晚了，脑子不给力了~
看者必拍，不拍不可啊~

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

1、Currently, although the higher educational system isstill not so satisfactory that everyone will totally acknowledge, the fact that it has been gradually developed toward a more mature system isconspicuous (这第一句话读得有点云里雾里). Moreover, it is undeniable that the basic function of all theinstitutions are teaching their students limited knowledge and helping traintheir various skills, the latter of which relatively contributes to thestudents' better performance in their future careers. Therefore, it is a boundduty for institutions to get students prepared for their careers.

2、It is well known that time in college or university isa significant period between that in the middle school and the society. First,students in middle school can build the intellectual ability and store abundantbasic knowledge, both of which are laying the foundation for their highereducation. Then, after students changing into undergraduates or graduates, itis time for them to use the knowledge and skills accumulated during the periodof learning in middle schools to further travel in the vast ocean of their ownmajors. Accordingly, in this process, preparing these students for somethingmore higher is the main task. To favorably step into the future career, gettingenough preparation from the teachers and the society itself is the veryobjective mentioned above, just like the goal of middle school is alsopreparing their students skills for further future.

3、Even that not only education institutions enablestudents to be more qualified for their career but the society can also givethem relative experience, the practice of college or university is apparently theeasier one. For example, a friend of mine, who has graduated from the college （若非特指某所大学，这个冠词the可以去掉） in two years, once told me that without higher education for further preparationhe would not have the strength to be a successful white-collar. Moreover, afterexperiencing the tough days to find proper career, he found that struggling inthe society without enough preparation is unimaginable harder. Thus, thepractice of the former one （which one?） is obvious （obviously?） the more beneficial one.

4、In conclusion, college or university should getstudents more prepared for their future work. In this way, the course of tryingto be qualified for the future career may be more easy and practical.



楼主的词汇和语法都很好，写的句子也都很有水平。
只是有一点，逻辑上稍微有些混乱，让人读起来很费力。

LusotaUID: 2929567

24# iBT20120304
阿达，问问你，第一句你的理解是什么呢？

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

句子用的很到位，逻辑要多加油

loveinwcUID: 3241878

高人啊………………吾改完了……求回改…………（呼唤ing）

LusotaUID: 2929567

2.10 独立
20120210-jj20101203NA.doc (26 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2012-2-11 10:27:30 上传

下载次数: 2

看者必拍，不拍不可~
本人比较习惯于各种定语，各种修饰，各种指代，望见谅~

nikiniki333UID: 2673802

1、Currently, although the higher educational system is still not so satisfactory that everyone will totally acknowledge those accomplishments, the fact that it has been gradually developed toward a more mature system is conspicuous.(developing 好像这句话跟文章没什么关系。。背景吧，也像不大有关系的背景，我可能没理解) Moreover, it is undeniable that the basic function of all the institutions are teaching their students limited knowledge and helping train their various skills,(基本任务是教有限的知识，感觉怪怪的，我也不知道哪里不劲。。) the latter of which relatively contributes to the students' better performance in their future careers. （这个which是指代什么的哦，直接the latter好像就行了）Therefore, it is a bound duty for institutions to get students prepared for their careers.

2、It is well known that time in college or university is a significant period between that in the middle school and the society.（between that不对吧） First, students in middle school can build the intellectual ability and store abundant basic knowledge, both of which are laying the foundation for their higher education. Then, after students changing into undergraduates or graduates, it is time for them to use the knowledge and skills accumulated during the period of learning in middle schools to further travel in the vast ocean of their own majors.（to accumulate 时态） Accordingly, in this process, preparing these students for something more higher is the main task.(谁的task。。More+higher..什么叫让学生准备的更高。。没理解) To favorably step into the future career, getting enough preparation from the teachers and the society itself is the very objective mentioned above.just like the goal of middle school is also preparing their students skills for further future.

3、Even that not only education institutions enable students to be more qualified for their career but the society can also give them relative experience, the practice of college or university is apparently the easier one. For example, a friend of mine, who has graduated from the college in two years, once told me that without higher education for further preparation he would not have the strength to be a successful white-collar. Moreover, after experiencing the tough days to find proper career, he found that struggling in the society without enough preparation is unimaginable harder. Thus, the practice of the former one is obvious the more beneficial one.

4、In conclusion, college or university should get students more prepared for their future work. In this way, the course of trying to be qualified for the future career may be more easy and practical.

发现咱俩都爱用从句，which that一大堆，嘿嘿，不过容易导致语言混乱，hold不住场面，感觉咱俩都得改改吧。。。
PS 我什么时候才能传附件哇哇哇～～

shibin11UID: 3228029

With the increasing advancement of the era today, in that（去掉） the capacity for(of） independent thinking is an indispensable factor for the public to judge a person. Therefore, fostering a sense of independence is of great importance, which should be executed by educational system and parents as well. As for parents, their main responsibility is help to encourage their children to be independent thinkers, such as doing their homework by themselves or doing something within their power.

Nowadays, the cultivation of children's integrated qualities is a pressing task. As the most important character of the qualities, independence should be built up beginning from children's early study years. Take homework for example, it is an undeniable fact that there are various puzzles in children's homework, however, these problems are often offered to develop children's thinking and reasoning ability, and at the meantime, children who have no train of thought at all may had better ask their teachers for help in order to broaden one's scope of mind. Accordingly, the remaining homework is offered to train their proficiency of intraday knowledge. As for this kind of homework, parents had better not to be involved in the process of children's thinking.

Due to the mortality of people,感觉这个好突兀，无缘无故就冒出来了 and that parents are also unavoidable, children can not depend on their parents for the whole life. For this reason, children are encouraged to deal with problems by themselves as possible as they can. Hence, 太急着hence了doing homework on their own is the very means of train, and the effect of which is often the best, as what we say, exerting a subtle influence is always the most effective way. For example, no children are born to be capable of speaking language, but with the subtle influence of the surrounding environment created by their parents感觉逻辑。。, children often learn quickly. On the contrary, as for foreigners who want to learn a second language, they have to need a lot more time to be skilled because there are no enough language environments for them.

In conclusion, it is parents' responsibility to encourage their children to do homework by themselves in order to build up their independent ability. As a matter of fact, without excessive care from parents, children may grow to be more independent than we think.

我就语法小白一枚 改错的地方见谅了。