issue113

dreamflyerUID: 21967

"It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves."


Humans were born to live in certain social groups, thus the speaker contends that it's through people's identification with social groups that they define themselves. I am fundamentally in favor of support this viewpoint.

Human beings are gregarious creatures that every one was born in a certain social groups, in which they grow up, be nurtured, frame their homogeneous value system, and be defined as one of the groups no matter how far they would leave away from them in later years. No one needs go too far to find out apt examples of the American-Africans in U.S.. Although a great deal of these American-Africans are even born in U.S., they still consider themselves different from other Americans through their identification as American-Africans, by talking, walking, gesturing, and singing in their own unique way. This is not a single phenomenon in nowadays world. Every country has its international residents from other country today. While these people are trying to be accustomed with the new environment, they have something that won't change easily in their deep mind shaping in the place they come from. People cling to their original soil of culture tenaciously because they believe it's the best method to help them identify themselves in the daily increasing advanced world lest miss themselves.

Meanwhile, globalization contribute humans to be better aware of other cultures, to enjoy the benefits from free trade and international market of labor forces and raw material, to provide convenience for working together for the globally common problems such as environmental crisis. However, globalization threatens people to lose their own orientation of their culture. People all over the world are trying to speak the same language--English, to break up the obstacle in communication with each other, are watching the same movie marketed simultaneous in most countries, are talking about the same key issue happening somewhere. People seem to live in the same village on Earth, but they could not ignore the fact that they still belong to different groups. For this reason, they speak the same language at the purpose to introduce more people with their own culture; they watch the same movie to compare it with the original works and cherish the wish to catch up with it someday; they talk about the same issue standing back with different stance as their groups would take. All of these and more similar others are the truth behind the ostensible homogeneity all over the world.

After all, the identification of groups is indispensable as human nature. All of humans wish they would have a happy family, which is the miniature of the craving for the identification of a larger group. Individuals are somehow solitary in their minds for they could never know exactly any other's thoughts beside themselves, and they would never expect the future exactly with the limitation of time. In order to tear apart the sense of helpless solitary, they must look for a harbor for them to shelter in. Thus the necessity of homes and the larger groups appears. This is not shame to concede. Without the consolidate back, no one would go far.

To sum up, human beings are indeed through identification of groups to define themselves, which is not only the way to locate themselves in the world, but the human nature to find themselves the sense of safety. And with it, human beings are encouraged to go anywhere to conquer any difficulties as they have been intrepid deep in minds.

雨&彩虹UID: 132532

第二段有些跑题,或者你的重点没有BALANCE好.

dreamflyerUID: 21967

是，是，已经到了没话找话的地步了：（ 不知道怎么立分论点啊~

香香蕉UID: 128558

Humans were born to live in certain social groups, thus the speaker contends that it's through people's identification with social groups that they define themselves. I am fundamentally in favor of (删support) this viewpoint.

Human beings are gregarious creatures that everyone（every one错）was born in a certain social group (groups错), in which they grow up, are (be好像不对啊) nurtured, frame their homogeneous value system, and are（be） defined as one of that (the) group (groups错) no matter how far they would leave (删away from，或改为live away from) them in later years. No one needs to (添to) go too far to find (删out) apt examples of the American-Africans in U.S.. Although a great deal of these American-Africans are ever (even) born in U.S., they still consider themselves different from other Americans through their identification as American-Africans, by talking, walking, gesturing, and singing in their own unique way. This is not a single phenomenon in the world nowadays (nowadays world不对，nowadays是adv.). Every country has its international residents from other countries (country) today. While these people are trying to be accustomed with the new environment, they have something that would not (won't) change so (添个so会不会好些？)easily in their deep mind shaped (shaping) in the place they come from. People cling to the culture of their original soil (their original soil of culture) tenaciously because they believe it's the best way (method) to help them identify themselves in  the daily increasing advanced world（表达不大对头） lest lose (miss) themselves.

首句说人们出生、成长、生活在某个群体，形成了他们共同的价值观念，并以这种群体认同感定义个人，即使今后远离这个群体也改变不了。从everyone等表达上感觉出这说的是个人，而后面的美洲黑人例子却说的是一个人种的迁移，那么这个例子就显得不够贴切了。因为对美洲黑人个人而言，并不是出生、成长在非洲，而后到美洲的。

Meanwhile, globalization contribute humans to be better aware of other cultures, to enjoy the benefits from free trade and international market of labor forces and raw material, to provide convenience for working together for the globally common problems such as environmental crisis. However, globalization threatens people to lose their own orientation of their culture. People all over the world are trying to speak the same language--English, to break up the obstacle in communication with each other, are watching the same movie marketed simultaneous in most countries, are talking about the same key issue happening somewhere. People seem to live in the same village on Earth, but they could not ignore the fact that they still belong to different groups. For this reason, they speak the same language at the purpose to introduce more people with their own culture; they watch the same movie to compare it with the original works and cherish the wish to catch up with it someday; they talk about the same issue standing back with different stance as their groups would take. All of these and more similar others are the truth behind the ostensible homogeneity all over the world.

此段开头最好有个中心句牵一下，要不然就会给人跑题感觉。

After all, the identification of groups is indispensable as human nature. All of humans wish they would have a happy family, which is the miniature of the craving for the identification of a larger group. Individuals are somehow solitary in their minds for they could never know exactly any other's thoughts beside themselves, and they would never expect the future exactly with the limitation of time. In order to tear apart the sense of helpless solitary, they must look for a harbor for them to shelter in. Thus the necessity of homes and the larger groups appears. This is not shame to concede. Without the consolidate back, no one would go far.

To sum up, human beings are indeed through identification of groups to define themselves, which is not only the way to locate themselves in the world, but the human nature to find themselves the sense of safety. And with it, human beings are encouraged to go anywhere to conquer any difficulties as they have been intrepid deep in minds.


你语言很不错的，就是一些语病注意一点，我只改了前面一点，太累了，后面先不改了。另外，思路再挖掘一点，前面现象部分说得太多，不紧凑，挖掘内在原因部分又讨论太少，整体上让人感觉论证无力。可以把现象说一段，要详实些，然后主要笔墨放在挖掘原因上，来说明这种社会群体认同感存在的必然性和必要性，举些例子，同时正反论证，以充实文章内容。

dreamflyerUID: 21967

非常感谢香蕉的指正！！！我就是觉得写这篇的时候都没找着北，糊里糊涂下写完的，第三点简直找的艰难。第二点自己感觉有点跑。说理部分一直都是弱项，觉得好像两句话就说完了，唉，烦啊～