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[作文] 【daily writing 作业】yyyfor作文贴 [复制链接]

yyyfor
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16楼

发表于 2012-4-5 21:27:34 |只看该作者

清明又堕落了几天..正式回归GTER了..感觉完全不在状态,一个多小时写的作文并不满意.还是贴上来了,希望各位多多拍砖..多给意见...

yyyfor 4.5.doc

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the pursuit of happiness

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Arthur2012
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17楼

发表于 2012-4-5 23:51:44 |只看该作者

16# yyyfor 恩，写的挺好的，加油！

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18楼

发表于 2012-4-6 14:09:56 |只看该作者

16# yyyfor 已改~

Apr.5.yyyfor.doc (29.5 KB, 下载次数: 1)

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青鱼
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19楼

发表于 2012-4-6 14:43:51 |只看该作者

我积分不够。。。直接贴好了。。。the friend that can have fun with are more important than the friends that can get more help from?

There are undeniable advantages to both type（types） of friend（friends） you can have fun with or get more help from. The former is surely to be more accessible while the latter offers a more reliable and helpful shoulder to rely on. Despite the advantages of friend that can have fun with, I totally prefer to make friends with who are more likely to help me.

To begin with, friends that can get more help with are no doubt to better（benefit） our personality(personalities). As it can be seen everywhere in life that those friends are always the first one to point (out) our weakness and fault which contributes greatly to our behaviors as well as our personalities, what’s more, it can in some extent avoid us becoming depravation even criminal. Taking Tom as an example, he was my classmate and had a large numbers（a lots就够了吧。。。） of friends surrounding him when he was in high school. Unfortunately, he was arrested last years .in（Before） that almost every friend(friends) he have(had) fun with are（were） only stare(stared) at how rich he was and no one indicate(pointed out) his shortcomings, in other words, he lacked friends he can(could) get help from to show him what the true kind of people he was. In the end, he couldn’t bear a stranger laugher(laughing) at him in public and (then) he killed that stranger. Even if only(as long as) several friends can help him to notice how arrogant he was, he was supposed to be an outstanding people today.（outstanding有点牵强，不一定指出他的确定他就可以很杰出了。）

Additional, friends that can only have fun with are sometimes temporary, on the contrary, those we can get more help from is surely to be permanent. In lives, there is an interesting phenomenon shows（shows可以省略，直接跟宾语从句） that when we （lead a happy lives）, we can see a lots of friends share with us, but when we feel down（feel down应该是感觉失落的意思吧，应该是we’re in adversity或fall into disgrace）, we can hardly see a friend encourage us and overcome the problem together. That is to say, a friend that can have fun with doesn’t mean that（可省略） he or she is (a) reliable friend, maybe when you turn them for help someday, you can be disappointed. Nevertheless, a friend who will help no matter how rough problem you face or how unpleasant you are, he or she will surely spare no effort to help you to get through it is worth being a life-long friend. (Nevertheless, a friend who will surely spare no effort to help you, no matter how tough problem you have to face or how depressed you are, is such a gift worth being a life-long friend.)

The(这个句型没有the的) last but not least. Friends that（who） can have fun with does(我了解你想用强调句，但是主语是friends，所以即使用强调，也是do而不是does,并且后面还有一个do,所以你确定这儿还要用一个do来做强调么？) do us a numerous（huge，貌似没听过“很多忙”用numerous的） favor. They can company us to kill bored（boring） time and applaud(admire) us when we get an honor. In fact, friends that can get more help with are also pleasant with you but may be ignored because they often happy within heart and invisible from face.（到这里为止都应该有点偏题吧，楼主的意思是，那些能提供帮助的朋友也会觉得和你待在一起是开心的，但是他们经常会被忽略因为他们习惯将快乐埋藏于心里。我觉得正常逻辑应该说的是，“那些能给我们提供帮助的人也能够给我们提供快乐并且为我们的成就感到快乐。”总感觉你这里有点文不对题。或者楼主给我解释一下？可能我没有完全明白你的写作意图。） From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that friend that we can get more help from is the true friend that（that省略吧） we need.

改不动了。。。楼主加强语法吧。。。
或者你有什么邮箱么。。。我标红的地方都看不到了。。。

time is running out

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