issue16,请各位给点意见

ninghaiUID: 123877

16
"Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."
12:05 2003-9-3

Does the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless and actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals, as the speaker asserts? Some people believe so, others believe not. To my perspective, I strongly agree with the speaker's contention.

It is denied that in the modern rapid changing society, many people are pursuing the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life. With the quick development of the technology and science regarding information, our physical conditions in which we humans live are significantly altered. Our living environment is so different from the past. We can travel by our own cars, by train or by air, which reduce the time we are on the way. Cars help us to go on work even our house are distant from the company. The computers are also helpful for us to do the tedious work accurately which we must do in very short time and. So, simply put, the technology and science have changed our life and our life becoming more ad more luxuries and convenience.

Even though the luxuries and conveniences technology and science have taken for us the youth should not indulge themselves in them. The youth indulging themselves in the luxuries and conveniences will inevitably make them lose the indigence, endurance, encourage, and curiosity which is so detrimental for the development of the youth, and in large scale even harm to the long standing advances of the whole nation and society. The youth are the in some certain sense is the destiny of the society and nation. So the youth should not indulge them in the luxuries and conveniences.

As the luxuries and conveniences are becoming the destination of people pursuing, the youth should challenge them and give themselves some difficulties so that they can not lose the necessary ability for the development of individuals and society or nations. A apt example involves the tiger in the zoo. Many scientists about animals have claim that the tigers in the zoo are more and more losing the indispensable ability to thrive in the nature environment. To make the tigers more strong, the keepers put some chickens in the zoo in order to train the ability for living in the environment. So as the youth, they should make themselves meet some difficulties and challenges. In the more and more complex future society, the abilities mentioned above are so important that nearly attacking every problem we confront are indispensable. Therefore, the youth in some degree should make themselves strong to meet the standards of the future society.

In the final analysis, the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life to some extent is harm to the peoples 's thriving in the world, and the youth should not indulge themselves in them,  they should make themselves meet some difficulties and challenges.

12:46 2003-9-3

angeikimUID: 4857

第一段可以再深刻点的话就更好了。

dreamflyerUID: 21967

"Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."
12:05 2003-9-3

Does（does合适嘛？……do好点吧。而且以前imong牛人说开头不要用do啊is啊什么之类的～） the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are（？？？怎么搞的，第一句话就有语法错误～） entirely harmless and actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals, as the speaker asserts? Some people believe so, others believe not. To my perspective, I strongly agree with the speaker's contention.

It is denied（denial） that in the modern rapid changing society, many people are pursuing the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life. With the quick（dazzling，在gter上看牛人用过的词儿，^_^） development of the technology and science regarding information, our physical conditions in which we humans live are significantly altered. Our living environment is so different from the past. We can travel by our own cars, by train or by air, which reduce the time we are（spend） on the way. Cars help us to go on work even our house are distant from the company. The computers are also helpful for us to do the tedious work accurately which we must do in very short time and（？？？怎么句子又不完整？）. So, simply put（可以这样插入嘛……？）, the technology and science have changed our life and our life becoming more ad more luxuries and convenience.（这一段的主旨句和段落内容好像贴的不是很紧 的说，，，）

Even though the luxuries and conveniences technology and science have taken for us the youth should not indulge themselves in them. The youth indulging themselves in the luxuries and conveniences will inevitably make them lose the indigence, endurance, encourage, and curiosity which is so detrimental for the development of the youth, and in large scale even harm to the long standing advances of the whole nation and society. The youth are the（这个the非常多余） in some certain sense is the destiny of the society and nation. So the youth should not indulge them in the luxuries and conveniences.

As the luxuries and conveniences are becoming the destination of people pursuing, the youth should challenge them and give themselves some difficulties so that they can not lose the necessary ability for the development of individuals and society or nations. A（An 嘿嘿，我也老犯这种错误：P） apt example involves the tiger in the zoo. Many scientists about animals have claim that the tigers in the zoo are more and more losing the indispensable ability to thrive in the nature environment. To make the tigers more strong, the keepers put some chickens in the zoo in order to train the ability for living in the environment. So as the youth, they should make themselves meet some difficulties and challenges. In the more and more complex future society, the abilities mentioned above are so important that nearly attacking every problem we confront are indispensable. Therefore, the youth in some degree should make themselves strong to meet the standards of the future society.（老虎的例子不错，^_^，就怕人家不喜欢你拿动物来跟人比：P）

In the final analysis, the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life to some extent is harm to the peoples 's thriving in the world, and the youth should not indulge themselves in them, they should make themselves meet some difficulties and challenges.

整体的结构还好，语言的问题比较多，而且一看就是没有怎么修改过的～
我觉得你应该仔细看看别人的文章，比如老外的280篇，好好学习学习
嘿嘿，拍的不对之处请见谅