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[优秀习作] issue114 恳请请大家指出不足之处 !!谢谢 [复制链接]

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发表于 2003-9-6 15:12:16 |显示全部楼层
写了几篇issue 可是水平还是不高,感觉这篇issue自己的思路很窄,并且语言也不够好 望多多指教 谢谢了!!
73. Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence, and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity.

Dose Technology can change the condition of humanity? Some people would agree that the answer is yes. While others are inclined to deny that technology can change our condition. In my view, however, I think the response to this complex problem should not be as simple as yes or no. Only technology itself cannot change overall condition of humanity, which can be changed by technology to an extent as well as people's effort.

On the one hand, technology can not only improve individual's physical conditions and enrich individual's mental life, but also can benefit the society as a whole. During the past century, technological innovations have made great progress in the world. Many modern tools such as television, telephone, computer and so on have come into common families with the development of technology. All these technological innovations make our life more convenient and comfortable and indeed propel the development of the society. Without the technology, we cannot image what our life and world might be. Due to the enhancement of physical conditions, people's culture and morality can be also improved in a sense. In contemporary society, the Internet technology makes the information of communication among people very easy and prevalent so that it deepens the comprehension with one another all over the world.

On the other hand, it is impossible that technology can change all the aspects of condition of humanity alone. Of course, all of us expect to eliminate war, violence, and poverty that still exist in the world. However, the reasons about these phenomena are in many aspects. For one thing, to reach the motive that resolve these problems, we should also pay more attention in these problems and strengthen the cooperation and the comity of nations and direct the proper direction to the development of technology. For instance, people can institute some treaty concerning peace to limit the war and violence between nations. Meanwhile, rich states can endow some poor countries by loans in economic conditions. For another, the former chairman of China once said that technology is the first productivity. Consequently, the poor countries can also change the visage of poverty through enhancing the productivity by dint of technology.

However, technology sometimes might have negative effect in people's life and humanity conditions so that we should make efforts to prevent. In other words, although technology innovations bring about many benefits and advantages to us, we should not ignore some concomitant disbennifit. In physical conditions, technology innovations such as pesticide might result in contamination to the environment as well as our foods thus do harm to our health. In condition of humanity, such arms as nuke and atomic bomb have become a potential danger to menace people's life especially in the time when a war happens. Further more, some evil organizations would make use of them in terrorism. That is, if people cannot properly make use of technology, which would make against us.

To conclude, if people who have different opinions take all the dimensions about the role of technology and humanity conditions analysed above in the issue into account, they would know that the problem is not simple as they consider before. However, technology can affect the condition of humanity and changed it with other factors. In order to make condition of humanity better in future, every one of us should make efforts to lead technology in a right direction.
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发表于 2003-9-6 22:54:22 |显示全部楼层
不好意思  帮帮忙好吗

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发表于 2003-9-6 23:48:29 |显示全部楼层
你的用词好像还比较轻松,虽然有些地方不够地道,再加以练习会很好的。

逻辑上问题大一些,首先你的观点表达得很含糊,而且中间论述的时候似乎并不是紧绕着原题展开。叙述的时候we用得太多了一些,虽然这个问题没有定论,小心点好。总体感觉是摇摆不定,或者根本原因是没有说清楚。

你可以先看一看一些好的帖子,学习一下比较清晰直观的逻辑(both复杂and简单),再来写自己的。相互结合着提高自己的水平。
Rien de réel ne peut être menacé.
Rien d'irréel n'existe.

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发表于 2003-9-7 09:22:16 |显示全部楼层

谢谢 imong 的指教和建议!

imong 说得对, 我确实论证的比较含糊,有些重要地方没有说明,看来这篇要重写了
我这篇issue 是想说科学技术本身只能在一定程度上改变人类的处境,如果想使人类的各种处境有更大的提高,还需要大家的共同努力,比如团结合作等。

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RE: issue114 恳请请大家指出不足之处 !!谢谢 [修改]

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issue114 恳请请大家指出不足之处 !!谢谢
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-135982-1-1.html
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