4.28考，作文还没改过，求个大神给瞥一眼提点建议

崖山日落UID: 3204801

Currently, the issue of influence of televisions and movies is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused. Some people maintain that it is more negative effects instead of positive ones that are brought by movies and televisions.Taking into various factors into consideration,I stand on the opposite side of the claim.



To begin with,I have to concede that televisions and movies ,to some extent,suffer from some adverse influence on young people.Violent
scenes on the screen may increase the juvenile delinquent records What's more,soap series may dissipate time and stimulate the worship of money among the young generation.Overstating the negative effects on young people,however,suffers from a multitude of intrinsic defects.



For one thing,this claim of overemphasizing the adverse effects on young people's behave neglects and oversimplifies the fact that  influence of TV and movies is a complicated issue which cannot be concluded by such simple claim.Accompanied with quantum leaps of technology and science,TV and movie impose profound and widespread influence on young people's behavior.CNN reveals the miserable lives of refugees of Somali vividly on the screen,which reminds us　that there are still millions of refugees struggling under the poverty line and inspires the young generation to participate in philanthropy.Discovery records the mysterious universe which deliver juveniles our dream of embracing the entire cosmos and stimulate them to learn scientific knowledges.Saving Private Ryan,though violent and bloody,demonstrates the history that millions of our ancestors sacrificed for the freedom and justice and educates our young men the value of life.Therefore,it's no ground to claim that TV and movies bear more negative effects on young people's behavior.



  For another thing,the consequences of the claim that the negative effects of TV and movies outweigh the positive ones would turn out to be destructive.If we forbid our next generation to contact with TV and movies for its negative effects which is proposed in the claim,our young people will be deprived of the sensibility to the external environment for the reason that TV and movies frequently report the emergent issues and illustrate mainstream of the society.The miserable lives of Somali will turn out to be a cold figure printed on the New York Times,which will reduce the activity of our juveniles to contribute themselves to charity.What's more,newspapers and radios are easier to be dominated by the government compared with TV and movies which demonstrate vivid scenes.It will ultimately damage the basis of democracy and lead to generate a dictator in our nation,which is acknowledged as a disaster for our young generation.



    To sum up ,it bears no rationality to claim that TV and movies generate more negative effects than positive effects,for it oversimplifies the influence of TV and movies and neglects its destrpassive outcome.

要是有经验的兄弟能给个参考分数就更好了，拜谢拜谢

崖山日落UID: 3204801

自定一下