issue130 儿童社会化，考得最多的一道题，欢迎排砖！

happyman2000UID: 136936

限时没有成功，超时半个小时，写得有点长，观点比较奇怪。大家帮我看看我的观点有无不妥或表达不清的问题。多谢！

130 "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Undoubtedly it is true that the destiny of society is highly related to how children are socialized, but with the ever-increasingly rapid progress of modern science and technology, the socialization of children is confronted with some new forbidding problems, which seriously hinder the healthy development of our children and the society as a whole.

Before the advent of modern industry and modern science, children were socialized primarily through direct communication with their parents, kindreds, neighborhoods and other people who lived nearby them. Formal education was accessible to such few children that the role of schools and teachers in children's socialization could almost be negligible. The virtue of this kind of socialization is that the conventional values, morals, norms and other cultures can be easily instilled into children because direct communication and interaction between children and their seniors are the most effective means to hand down traditional values  and cultures. This piont is easy to understand: children have the instinct to simulate their seniors and thus are always inclined to accept only those values and cultures to which their parents or other idols really conform. This is why so many modern people often miss the past era in which children were more likely to  accept traditional values, morals and other valuable social cultures and then grow into individuals who were more responsible to their family, community and society compared with the contemporaries.

However, despite the virtue of traditional socialization, there is a fatal deficiency that leads to its irresistible collapse. Under the traditional socialization, the preservation and accumulation of knowledge is very difficult. Seldom do individuals have the capacity to absorb all the essence of knowledge in their era and thus teach it to their children. What children can learn in this kind of socialization is only the traditional experience that handed down from their ancestors, not the scientific knowledge. Obviously, this socialization conducted mainly by family,kindreds and other imitate people cannot adapt to the advent of modern industry and modern science and as a result, schools and teachers in formal education gradually developed and finally substitute for the solitarily predominant role of parents and kindreds in socializing children. That is to say, the contemporary socialization is vividly characterized by the ever-increasing importance of formal education and continually decreasing role of parents, kindreds and other relative individuals.

The main advantage of the contemporary socialization is that it conduces to the accumulation of knowledge, with a positive result that our time witnesses an unprecedentedly rapid progress of modern science and technology. However, what goes along with the significant achievements in so-called modernization is the deterioration in moral and value education; all these problems contribute greatly to all kinds of social crisis in the modern society.

The formal education leads to the massive decline in moral and value education. As it is pointed out in the above, the education of values, morals and social norms can work effectively through the direct communication between children and their seniors; children accept  the values and cultures only when they confirm the consistency of their teachers, parents or other idols with their behaviors. Unfortunately, the formal education always fails to do so: if teachers always refuse to consist on  some values that they teach to their students, why do we expect our children to automatically accept these values?  We often observe such a phenomena that a teacher in modern educational system divorces while he/she tells their students the importance of responsibility for family; also, students can often observe some disloyal behaviors in their teachers who enthusiastically advocate for integrity. Under this kind of socialization, traditional social values and morals can hardly be preserved and handed down into the generations and consequently the modern society suffers from the sustained decline in the moral level and social responsibility.

To sum up, while bringing us more rapid progress of science and technology, the modern socialization is primarily flawed in its disadvantage at imbuing our children with some valuable morals, norms, responsibilities and other virtues. Maybe our society can better off by combining the advantages of both the traditional and the modern socialization.  （682 words）

莹然UID: 114007

读的比较吃力。好像每段的意思不是很连贯。这样的情况下是不是还是每段都写总起句更好些

song123456UID: 133578

我不太同意这种写法， 感觉你是在比较traditional education system 和modern system.
但题目是关于社会化的问题。
是不是该从社会化和个性发展考虑考虑。

hehuiUID: 134334

我倒觉得写的观点很深刻哟。

虽然文章长了些，但我能把握你的思路：你主要不是在评论题目对与否，而是着重找一个解决办法：就是在你分析了传统与现代教育的优缺点后总结出一个折中的办法。从结构上看，就是先说传统方法好，但指出一个严重的不足，然后说现代方法解决了这个弊端，但也同时在道德教育方面不如传统，所以最后的结论是二者结合。

语言也很流畅，用词也很丰富。

但也存在些问题：
1.的确如楼上所说，有些段落感觉连接不太好，我觉得主要是因为第四、五段没有过度性的总起，四段可以这样总起：现代教育很好地解决了传统教育的不足；五段可以这样：然而现代教育在传递知识方面取得了成功，但在道德教育上却不如传统。

2.还有个比较严重的问题是：重复的长句太多了，看上去很多句子里的词频频出现，建议你简化一下，看上去会更干净漂亮

3..文章的深度是来源于时间的，所以作为练笔，你可以这样写，但考试的话，你还是走常规路线吧，想简单点但全面点

anyway,你写的很好了，我要向你学习，也希望你给我的文章一些意见。

happyman2000UID: 136936

最初由 hehui 发布
[B]我倒觉得写的观点很深刻哟。

虽然文章长了些，但我能把握你的思路：你主要不是在评论题目对与否，而是着重找一个解决办法：就是在你分析了传统与现代教育的优缺点后总结..

以下省略...... [/B]

我这篇文章写得很不清楚，你居然能够把我的思路完全地把握住，真是太感激你了！

我其实就是想从一个比较高的层次上分析工业化以后儿童社会化的深刻变革，主要是家庭和社区（如村落）对儿童社会化的影响力越来越小，而学校、媒体以及通俗流行文化的影响力越来越大。这样导致的一些后果是：道德教育严重滑坡，学生的个性严重被忽视，少年犯罪等等。

如你所说，我想到的可能太复杂了，以至于无法在规定的时间内用规定的字数表述清楚。这可能也是个语言表达能力的问题，段落的组织也有问题。

再次感谢你的指正！