【Daily Writing作文特训小组】by 神探夏洛克 作业贴 作业在一楼

mikejason2005UID: 3261124

exert
根据我看了一些例句的推断，这个词用在这里不太准确。exert一般用于施加较大的压力和奋进

especially more than the positive ones
从结构上看，连到前面去的话，没有了主句的宾语，especially 后面加that of which are

obtain the youth an illusory recognize
obtain 不能这样用倒装，换成give

The youth may idolize them without any censure
年轻人会没有任何指责的把他们当做偶像，这里censure表意不太好，可以换成suspect，不存怀疑的

would largely deprive of the valuable time of the young people that is to say
that is to say作为插入语，前面加逗号

有很多表达比较奇怪，不知道是自己造的还是什么，但是建议不要有太多华丽的东西，因为考试的时候很难去拼凑那些艰深的单词会耗费很多时间，尽量把注意力集中在准确的表意，深刻详细的举例，和严密有说服力的逻辑推理，然后再点缀少许GRE TOEFL单词就可以的高分了~

ZoeXUID: 2822447

7.30号作文修改，也参考一下其他同学的意见吧， 我怕我有点地方改得不对QAQ
论坛帖附件是不是有等级限制？留个邮箱我发给你吧QAQ……

神探夏洛克UID: 3324487

ZoeX 发表于 2012-7-31 20:47
7.30号作文修改，也参考一下其他同学的意见吧， 我怕我有点地方改得不对QAQ
论坛帖附件是不是有等级限制？ ...

ylhchd@163.com 谢谢

神探夏洛克UID: 3324487

ZoeX 发表于 2012-7-31 20:47
7.30号作文修改，也参考一下其他同学的意见吧， 我怕我有点地方改得不对QAQ
论坛帖附件是不是有等级限制？ ...

附件的话 你可以去灌水区 多发发帖子 然后就好了

lazysheepUID: 2955322

已改！欢迎修改我的，哈哈~[Daily Writing]lazysheep的作业贴！
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=2955322

ZoeXUID: 2822447

不好意思改晚了QAQ
8.1
Movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

With no doubt, movies and television is playing a more and more important role in our lives like learning about the immediate news and information, relaxing during the holidays or weekends, keeping the pace of current fashion. As a result, movies and television exert a huge effect on our daily life. However, after weighing both advantages and disadvantages, the more negative effects will definitely affect the behaviors of the young people.

First, I have to admit that these positive effects that movies and television bring to the young, both physically and psychologically. After the young watch some funny movies and televisions, they will obtain a better condition, feeling relaxed, energized, comfortable. And all of these will promote them to work efficiently, enjoy the life and develop a good circulation. Besides, things got from the movies and television would broad horizon of the young, add the similar topics to discuss, and keep them curious for the unknown world.（我觉得这段是不是写的太好了？而且后面没有直接驳斥电视的好处，貌似就是一段好处两段坏处就下结论说坏处多于好处了。我觉得可以加一两句“放松可以有其他方式例如看书，运动”“年轻人看电视不会太注意学知识，而比较关注剧情”“电视上教的知识不够深入，甚至有的为了做节目是不对的信息”这类的句子来表现这些好处的局限性）

However, these positive effects can never reduce the negative ones. One reason（个人感觉“内容误导观众”不是“好处不能抵消坏处”的原因吧？改成“做出‘好处不能抵消坏处’这个论断”的原因好好一点吧？） for making this assert cannot be ignored is that the content or the purpose （purpose是指电视节目的目的么？不是很明白…）can easily and largely mislead the young's behaviors. For example, some films and programs contain too much violent, flood scenes. The young, especially under low ages, may regard these actions as cool things, they would imitate them, beating their classmates like the heroes in the movies. Moreover, for sake of attracting audience, some fake things will be included in the movies or programs. Like the movies, the young will cheat others as well.

Besides, movies and televisions deprive the young of much valuable time, even disturbing their regular pace. There are so many kinds of movies and televisions, about love story, war, illusionary etc, people will always find the type which they love. That 's to say, the young may watch the movies or televisions they love for a whole day, letting their tasks, assignments, work away. If they keep this for a long time, they would get low score in their classes, never accomplish their duty, even lose the job. At the same time, the young will have no time to join in the activities with their friends or classmates. Eventually, they have to be a wordless man with few social activities.

To sum up, after comparing the advantage and disadvantage of the movies and televisions, I definitely support my view that they can have more positive effect on the behavior of the young.

其他都挺好的，一起加油^_____^

神探夏洛克UID: 3324487

lazysheep 发表于 2012-8-2 15:30
已改！欢迎修改我的，哈哈~[Daily Writing]lazysheep的作业贴！
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=v ...

收到 谢谢

神探夏洛克UID: 3324487

ZoeX 发表于 2012-8-2 21:38
不好意思改晚了QAQ
8.1
Movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on t ...

收到，谢谢！

fisiksnjuUID: 3252237

改好了~~~~~~~~~~~~~~·

訢宇UID: 3310389

已改，请过目！跟楼主说对不起！！！你把828的都贴出来了，我竟然才改完！！！
另，我的作文戳这里https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3310389[/url]
谢谢！

神探夏洛克UID: 3324487

fisiksnju 发表于 2012-8-28 20:43
改好了~~~~~~~~~~~~~~·

收到~谢谢！

神探夏洛克UID: 3324487

訢宇 发表于 2012-8-28 21:47
已改，请过目！跟楼主说对不起！！！你把828的都贴出来了，我竟然才改完！！！
另，我的作文戳这里【独立 ...

没事的~谢谢！

stephenymimiUID: 3367994

8.29已改。用的是修订，若看不到请打开修订功能。看到楼主6月份就开始参加作文互改，写作质量有了明显提升，特别是在这40min内完成已经相当不错。我有点小建议就是多积累一些简洁的遣词造句法，跟G不一样。anyway~加油~

JoanHsiaoUID: 3315776

好几天没有写作文了，今天才看到亲的作文，下来修改了~

神探夏洛克UID: 3324487

JoanHsiao 发表于 2012-9-1 20:16
好几天没有写作文了，今天才看到亲的作文，下来修改了~

谢谢~加油！