【Daily Writing作文特训小组】by ayasin 作业贴

ayasinUID: 2426606

今天周日，正赶上大家休息，坚持每天写一篇。

ayasinUID: 2426606

我要占座+0618+作业类型：独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than to save money for the future.

提纲
T and v could bring us the wide vision
T and v could balance our life and work
T and v could strengthen our minds to overcome the difficulties.


In my opinion, spending money on traveling and vacation is better than saving money for the future, because it is superficial to state the advantages of saving money for the future, which establishes a wrong point of view that spending money could be considered as an efficient way of accumulated wealth.

First of all, Spending money on traveling and vacation could bring us wide vision towards this world, which including absorption of knowledge and fully comprehension about profound meaning. Admittedly, with the development of this kind of ability, people could more efficiently handle the case whatever they meet or achieve the goal, because they could analyze and revise it from different perspective. On the other hand, people will stand at a platform to care about problems at a higher level. For example, they could not only solve the problem which influenced a group of people, but also promote a revolution of our society in order to make more people benefit from this right awakening.

Secondly, Spending money on traveling and vacation could balance our life and work. In our modern society, people need to find a way to relieve their pressure came from life and work, thus, traveling and vacation is the best idea. Few would dispute that making friends in exotic travel, snorkeling with turtles in the sea, and sailing to enjoy the sunshine on the deck is the best way to refresh our bodies and relaxing our minds. If we suffer a tedious work and find it joyless, we should immerse ourselves into a variety of activities.

Thirdly, Spending money on traveling and vacation could strengthen our minds to overcome the difficulties. When we travel in another country, we could not talk with local by our language. It is substantial significant for the reason that most people refuse to travel and discover another country. Actually, the most useful method to travel in strange place is finding a way to express ourselves, maybe we could not understand local people by language, but we can use gesture or with other material to get our destination. In this process of traveling, we learn a ability to overcome any difficulties, which train our minds become more strong than ever before.

To sum up, saving money is a kind of wealth accumulation on the surface, but we will have a big loss that may benefit us from broadening our view about this world, balancing our life and work, and strengthening our minds. This kind of value far more weight than simply thrift.

llllyyyqqUID: 3216756

In my opinion, spending money on traveling and vacation is better than saving money for the future, because it is superficial to state the advantages of saving money for the future, which establishes a wrong point of view that spending money could be considered as an efficient way of accumulated wealth.

First of all, Spending money on traveling and vacation could bring us wide vision towards this world, which including（includes动名词使从句缺少动词) absorption of knowledge and fully comprehension about profound meaning. Admittedly, with the development of this（指代前面abosr....and comperehe?这句话感觉有点指不妥) kind of ability, people could more efficiently handle the case whatever they meet or achieve the goal, because they could analyze and revise it from different perspective. On the other hand, people will stand at a platform to care about problems at a higher level. For example, they could not only solve the problem which influenced a group of people, but also promote a revolution of our society in order to make more people benefit from this right awakening.

Secondly, Spending money on traveling and vacation could balance our life and work. In our modern society, people need to find a way to relieve their pressure came from life and work, thus, traveling and vacation is the best idea. Few would dispute that making friends in exotic travel, snorkeling with turtles in the sea, and sailing to enjoy the sunshine on the deck is the best way to refresh our bodies and relaxing our minds. If we suffer a tedious work and find it joyless, we should immerse ourselves into a variety of activities.

Thirdly, Spending money on traveling and vacation could strengthen our minds（mind就行了，不用第3人称单数） to overcome the difficulties. When we travel in another country, we could not talk with local by our language. It is substantial significant for the reason that most people refuse to travel and discover another country. Actually, the most useful method to travel in strange place is finding a way to express ourselves, maybe we could not understand local people by language, but we can use gesture or with other material to get our destination. In this process of traveling, we learn a ability to overcome any difficulties, which train our minds become more strong than ever before.

To sum up, saving money is a kind of wealth accumulation on the surface, but we will have a big loss that may benefit us from broadening our view about this world, balancing our life and work, and strengthening our minds. This kind of value far more weight than simply thrift.

楼主写作水平比我高多了，逻辑清晰，观点明确，词汇多样化，从句也用的很好，以我的水平是看不出什么问题，只有少数语法问题，估计还是检查的时候忘记改那种，还有感谢楼主帮我修改作文

mikejason2005UID: 3261124

could be considered as an efficient way of accumulated wealth
way of accumuating wealth. 应该是积攒财富的方式，你原句翻译过来就成了积攒的财富的方式，不知所云

fully comprehension about profound meaning
of what？表意不能太笼统含糊

but we can use gesture or with other material to get our destination
with这里没有谁跟他搭配，要去掉，material表意不清

we learn a ability
a改an,

we will have a big loss that may benefit us from broadening our view about this world
翻译：我们将会有一些巨大的损失，那些损失可能有利于拓宽眼界
这个用法似乎不合常理，要知道that就是指代的a big loss的
你可以改成we will lose some great chances that may benefit.....

其实中间很多内容都没有什么明显的错误，但是不知是我水平有限还是怎样，我一直觉得有很多奇奇怪怪没见过或者含糊的表达，尽量具体化，提醒一下，尽量不要用很生僻的表达，容易用错，除非非常确认，最好就是用常见的表达具体的词，多来几个句式变换倒是真的，插入语啊强调倒装啊什么的，再稍微点缀几个高级词汇就可以了。