求mpromanus改作文

windmuhuaUID：3207948

11.4.30NA：it is important to know about what is happening around the world, even if it  doesn't affect your personal lives.


Nowadays, cutting-edge technology has enabled us to know almost everything happening around the world even though they are thousands miles apart from us. Some of us may spend excessive time browsing webs reading news most which have almost nothing to do with our personal life. I don't believe there exist convincing reasons to judge whether it is absolutely important or merely nonsense to get to know about these things before the content of these things are specified.

A fair amount of things occurring out of our sight bear, generally speaking, little meaning and it turns a sheer waste of time learning about it. Things which can be categorized into this sort include probing into private life of celebrities, purposely sensationalized exotic occurrences and things intended to appeal to our novelty-seeking nature. These things never fail to find a place in a TV programs whereas reading them brings to us only ephemeral pleasure rather than thought-provoking ideas worth spreading. Moreover, too much indulgence in them is likely to separate us from reality. If we focus so much attention on these trivial happenings, how can we find happiness in the here and now?

On the other hand, there is another type of things deserving our time and energy to digest them -- significant changes in political or economical changes, revolutionary breakthroughs in high-tech fields, cultural events of symbolic meaning to name but a few. Keeping track of these things, in the first place, brings us near to the core of our time since, in some sense, it is these things that shape our world and drive the wheels of human civilization. Being familiar with these things gains us a deeper understanding of the present and the future of our life. Besides, it helps us make informed decisions. Without knowing these driving force of our world, few of us are capable of steering his/her life and most of us are prone to make blunders with our choices. Being in touch with these is of essential importance especially for political leaders and entrepreneurs, who must take all into account before taking the next step so as to expand one's power or maximize one's profits.

Indeed, it is how influential something is, rather than how distant it is from us, that determines its importance to us and our option to give attention to it or not. Living in an information era, the most primary task for us is to think twice before devoting our precious and limited time to something happening around the world.

我仔细看过mpromanus老师给其他人改作文，觉得收获巨多。
感激不尽。。。鞠躬~~~

mpromanusUID：2565872

It is important to know about what is happening around the world, even if it doesn't affect your personal lives.

Nowadays, cutting-edge technology has enabled us to know almost everything happening around the world even though they are thousands miles apart from us. Some of us may spend excessive time browsing websites reading news, most of which having almost nothing to do with our personal life. I don't believe there exists convincing reasons to judge whether it is absolutely important or merely nonsense to get to know about these things before the content of these things are specified.

A fair amount of things occurring out of our sight bear, generally speaking, little meaning and it turns a sheer waste of time (I'm not sure what exactly this phrase is trying to express. My guess would be 'it turns out to be a sheer waste of time..'..and on top of that, you could have just said 'learning about such things turns out to be a sheer waste of time', which is much more straight-forward and succinct, and in my opinion shows greater control of the language than the expletive form.) learning about it. Things which can be categorized into this sort include probing into the private lives of celebrities, purposely sensationalized exotic occurrences and things intended to appeal to our novelty-seeking nature. These things never fail to find a place in a TV programs whereas reading them brings to us only ephemeral pleasure rather than thought-provoking ideas worth spreading. Moreover, too much indulgence in them is likely to separate us from the reality. If we focus so much attention on these trivial happenings, how can we find happiness in the here and now? (Very good argument.)

On the other hand, there is another type of things deserving our time and energy to digest them – significant changes in political or economical changes ('changes' in 'changes'?), revolutionary breakthroughs in high-tech fields, cultural events of symbolic meaning, to name but a few. Keeping track of these things, in the first place, brings us nearer to the core of our time since, in some sense, it is these things that shape our world and drive the wheels of human civilization. Being familiar with these things gains us a deeper understanding of the present and the future of our life. Besides, it helps us to make informed decisions. Without knowing these driving forces of our world, few of us are capable of steering his/her life (This is not agreeing with the plural 'few of us'.) and most of us are prone to make blunders ('blunder' is a verb already, so it's kind of cubersome to say 'make blunders'.) with our choices. Being in touch with these is of essential importance especially for political leaders and entrepreneurs, who must take all into account before taking the next step so as to expand one's power or maximize one's profits.

Indeed, it is how influential (I don't quite see that your arguments were about influence – celebrities are considered influential, just not in exactly the same way that political changes are influential, yes? Your arguments were mainly revolving around the idea of trivialness, or non-trivialness, as far as I've seen them.) something is, rather than how distant it is from us, that determines its importance to us and our option to give attention to it or not. Living in an information era, the most primary task for us is to think twice before devoting our precious and limited time to something happening around the world.

总结：

很好很强大的文章，论述非常好。。评语多数是关于表达上的进一步提高的，供你参考~