讨论一下OGissue6分范文的衔接问题（又加了对此文的分析）

coolctyUID: 3312866

OG18页的6分issue范文的第二段最后说Technology　short circuits this thinking by making  the problems obsolete.已经指出了原观点的不当之处。到了第三段开头却用了however，这个转折的语气是不是不太好啊？语气已经转过去了，却又转了一次。？？？？？？？
以下为OG此6分原文







The statement linking technology negatively with free thinking plays on recent human experience over the past century. Surely there has been no time in history where the lived lives of people have changed more dramatically. A quick reflection on a typical day reveals how technology has revolutionized the world. Most people commute to work in an automobile that runs on an internal combustion engine. During the workday, chances are high that the employee will interact with a computer that processes information on silicon bridges that are .09 microns wide. Upon leaving home, family members will be reached through wireless networks that utilize satellites orbiting the earth. Each of these common occurrences could have been inconceivable at the turn of the 19th century.

The statement attempts to bridge these dramatic changes to a reduction in the ability for humans to think for themselves. The assumption is that an increased reliance on technology negates the need for people to think creatively to solve previous quandaries. Looking back at the introduction, one could argue that without a car, computer, or mobile phone, the hypothetical worker would need to find alternate methods of transport, information processing and communication. Technology short circuits this thinking by making the problems obsolete.

However, this reliance on technology does not necessarily preclude the creativity that marks the human species. The prior examples reveal that technology allows for convenience. The car, computer and phone all release additional time for people to live more efficiently. This efficiency does not preclude the need for humans to think for themselves. In fact, technology frees humanity to not only tackle new problems, but may itself create new issues that did not exist without technology. For example, the proliferation of automobiles has introduced a need for fuel conservation on a global scale. With increasing energy demands from emerging markets, global warming becomes a concern inconceivable to the horse-and-buggy generation. Likewise dependence on oil has created nation-states that are not dependent on taxation, allowing ruling parties to oppress minority groups such as women. Solutions to these complex problems require the unfettered imaginations of maverick scientists and politicians.

In contrast to the statement, we can even see how technology frees the human imagination.  Consider how the digital revolution and the advent of the internet has allowed for an unprecedented exchange of ideas. WebMD, a popular internet portal for medical information, permits patients to self research symptoms for a more informed doctor visit. This exercise opens pathways of thinking that were previously closed off to the medical layman. With increased interdisciplinary interactions, inspiration can arrive from the most surprising corners. Jeffrey Sachs, one of the architects of the UN Millenium Development Goals, based his ideas on emergency care triage techniques. The unlikely marriage of economics and medicine has healed tense, hyperinflation environments from South America to Eastern Europe.

This last example provides the most hope in how technology actually provides hope to the future of humanity. By increasing our reliance on technology, impossible goals can now be achieved.  Consider how the late 20th century witnessed the complete elimination of smallpox. This disease had ravaged the human race since prehistorical days, and yet with the technology of vaccines, free thinking humans dared to imagine a world free of smallpox.  Using technology, battle plans were drawn out, and smallpox was systematically targeted and eradicated.

Technology will always mark the human experience, from the discovery of fire to the implementation of nanotechnology. Given the history of the human race, there will be no limit to the number of problems, both new and old, for us to tackle. There is no need to retreat to a Luddite attitude to new things, but rather embrace a hopeful posture to the possibilities that technology provides for new avenues of human imagination.

令附我对此文结构的分析

ISSUE
结构1：
1，复述原陈述+Surly,+相关背景
2, 联系背景重述原陈述+指出其推理假设+联系1段例子指出可能推理+提出否决之正确观点
3，However，不一定+分析前例子：指出前例真正的揭示，联系例子+例子说明不一定+In fact指出原因+联系观点举例说明+likewise再一个例子+这些例子相关观点
4， 递进，In contrast to the statement+consider例子+联系观点+另一个例子
5，最后一个例子的意义+进一步加强观点+consider例子
6，总结自己观点+从人类历史看+建议:没必要，而应该

作者观点的发展：
原观点的原因在于把过时的问题去掉了----有新问题产生，不一定阻碍创造力----技术甚至解放人类思想----原本不可能的目标变成了现实

永远忘记QQUID: 3585348

怎么都没人回复，说的挺好的嘛。奇怪~

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

永远忘记QQ 发表于 2015-8-6 23:05
怎么都没人回复，说的挺好的嘛。奇怪~

Technology　short circuits this thinking by making  the problems obsolete.已经指出了原观点的不当之处
这句话没有指出原观点的不当之处 而是解释原观点  
原楼主读范文有点偏差
感觉这篇范文写得好随意啊  学起来挺难的
3年前的帖子竟然被你挖出来了 强！
  

永远忘记QQUID: 3585348

A pure coincidence!
王老师好勤奋哦~感谢您的回复！
我目前正在自学您的帖子，很受益，真心感谢分享！

covan834UID: 3580369

appreciate it

coolctyUID: 3312866

永远忘记QQ 发表于 2015-8-7 10:02
A pure coincidence!
王老师好勤奋哦~感谢您的回复！
我目前正在自学您的帖子，很受益，真心感谢分享！

你在感谢我么？;d: