作文一篇，求大侠们猛拍~~~

sweetmelody0321UID: 3311710

825二战，作文一战很烂。一直是男友给改作文，难免有片面，放上两篇来让各位寄托们帮忙看看，求拍砖~猛拍~~~

特别还想听听大家的意见，我的作文论据充不充分，展开和不合理有没有说服力。

先谢谢了哦~

more facilities or more teachers

Schools always confront the dilemma whether put more money in buying more facilities or hiring more teachers. Different school will make different choice due to their own situations and needs. As an undergraduate student, I think having more facilities is more important than having more teachers. My argument for this view is based on the following points.

It's undeniable that having more teachers has many advantages. More teachers can provide more attention to every student, so that students can get more help from teacher on both life and study. For example, students can get more chance to answer questions in class because there will be fewer students in a single class. If they have personal problem which they can't handle by themselves, they can also turn to teachers to get advices and helps. Conversely, if there are fewer teachers, they may not have enough energy to take care of each student.

However, more facilities have more significant influence on students. More facilities mean more accessible to advantage technology, wider choice to develop their hobbies and more convenient life in campus. All of these can help students to get a better development in school.

For university students who are preparing their careers or further studies, it is important to have a broad view of knowledge, which is exactly the advantage facilities can bring to them. Especially for students major in science, new facilities play an important role in their research and experiments. Moreover, advantage facilities also keeps students open minds and helps them stay in the forefront of the technology. Consequently, these students will become more creative and competitive in their future lives.

Additionally, having more facilities also riches our lives in school. We will have new swimming pool and new gym for us to exercise, new hall to have club or rehearsal, and new restaurants for meal or meet friends. All of these bring us a lot of happiness and convenience. Instead of staying in dorm wondering where to go or where is less crowded, we can do more interesting things in school with friends.  

Generally speaking, taking account into all these factors, I find there is more advantage in having more facilities than having more teachers. Having more facilities not only benefits us in academic but also riches our daily lives in campus. Besides, we should be independent and rely less on our teachers in university.

sweetmelody0321UID: 3311710

这是前天的
It is important to know what is happening around world, even if it does not affect your personal lives.

I agree with the statement that it is important to know what is happening around the world, even if it does not affect our personal lives. Because the events happening in the world will affect us in a long term, have some thing for us to learn and are a good topic to communicate.

First of all, no matter what the event is, it somehow has some connections with us and will affect our lives in a long term. Some people may think only the thing happening around them is worth to pay attention to, while they don't care much about the international news which doesn't affect them directly. For example, many people don't notice global warming, because it seems has not affect our daily lives yet. Consequently, these people still keep on an old way of life which will aggravate the problem. They still drive their cars everyday even to a nearby place, they don't turn off lights when they go out and they open the air conditioning all the year around. However what they are doing now is accelerating the global warming. Although we may not be affected immediately, our children will suffer the problems caused by it.

Another benefit we can get from international event is we can learn a lot from it to improve ourselves or our country. Take the shooting events happens frequently in the western countries these days as an example. They are serious social problems which are also really thought provoking, though they have no effect on our lives. Are there any flows in laws about guns or are there any problems in education? These questions are all worth other countries learning in order to avoid the same problem.

Furthermore, knowing more international events can help you open a nice conversation with others because news happened around world is always a common topic between people. Recently, what people talk the most is the London Olympic Games. I check the result of almost every important competition so I can talk with my classmates when we meet. We talk about which team won the football games, who has broken the record, and even which athlete looks more charming. But if you don't know any about the recent news it will be less fun for you to talk with others.

Generally speaking, taking into all these factors, I strongly agree that it is important to know what is happening around world, even if is does not affect our personal lives.

xiaotaozi0518UID: 3143138

more facilities or more teachers
1. Structure. In my opinion, the author had better mention the advantage of having more facilities firstly, which means it is better to put paragraph two after three,four, five and before the conclusion paragraph. This seems to be more logical. What is more, you had better begin paragraph four with the key sentence. This makes your writing seem to be more well organised.
2. Topic Development. You had better use more specific examples (maybe yours or others') to support your points and reasons. This makes your writing seem to be well developed.
Anyway it is a good writing!Keep going!
As for me, I will choose "more teachers" as my position.:p

xiaotaozi0518UID: 3143138

Writing two includes some specific examples, which is very good!

sweetmelody0321UID: 3311710

xiaotaozi0518 发表于 2012-8-18 16:35
more facilities or more teachers
1. Structure. In my opinion, the author had better mention the ad ...

说的很有道理啊，第一篇确实是没有什么具体的例子。。。结构的建议也不错，我以后会调整一下~~
:p谢谢小桃子。哈哈

sweetmelody0321UID: 3311710

自己顶顶

sweetmelody0321UID: 3311710

顶顶顶

sweetmelody0321UID: 3311710

没人啊:O