【作文活动】行者天下的作业贴：综合作文+独立作文

行者天下UID: 2716370

谢谢帮忙改作文的各位的指正
11.27独立
11.27独立-行者.doc (28 KB, 下载次数: 12)

2012-11-27 13:44:29 上传

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9.24
0924 IndepWriting 行者.doc (16.5 KB, 下载次数: 10)

2012-9-24 19:39:50 上传

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22号
0922 IndepWriting 行者.doc (15 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2012-9-22 09:14:29 上传

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21号，今天终于勉强能在30分钟内写完了

0921 IndepWriting 行者.doc (16 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2012-9-21 10:19:57 上传

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0920 DepeWriting 行者天下.doc (14 KB, 下载次数: 9)

2012-9-20 10:07:10 上传

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0920 IndepWriting 行者天下.doc (16 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2012-9-20 10:07:09 上传

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Independent writing
0719 IW 行者天下.doc (15.5 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2012-9-19 12:15:04 上传

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dependent writing
0919DW 行者天下.doc (13 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2012-9-19 12:15:03 上传

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0717 by shelly.doc (15.5 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2012-9-17 18:47:15 上传

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秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

楼主总结的很对，写很重要，改也很重要~加油加油！

行者天下UID: 2716370

秋雨荆州 发表于 2012-9-15 13:36
楼主总结的很对，写很重要，改也很重要~加油加油！

是的，努力多写多改~

氢氟酸UID: 2579195

0916 独立作文修改 请查收
0916 独立 revised by HF.doc (29.5 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2012-9-17 06:49:28 上传

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神探夏洛克UID: 3324487

9.16-Shelly-r by 夏洛克.doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2012-9-17 08:56:02 上传

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已经改好。

行者天下UID: 2716370

氢氟酸 发表于 2012-9-17 06:49
0916 独立作文修改 请查收

谢谢氢氟酸！

行者天下UID: 2716370

神探夏洛克 发表于 2012-9-17 08:56
已经改好。

谢谢神探夏洛克~

氢氟酸UID: 2579195

0917 独立修改 请查收~ 0717 by shelly revised by HF.doc (25.5 KB, 下载次数: 10)

2012-9-18 04:23:23 上传

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行者天下UID: 2716370

氢氟酸 发表于 2012-9-18 04:23
0917 独立修改 请查收~

谢谢修改！写了40多分钟才写完的，经常写到一半觉得不对删掉重来，很不好的习惯。我在努力改正~~
PS，不知道你是怎么把语句练得那么生活化的，我老是说得太抽象，扯着扯着就没话说了。。。

bangkelinUID: 3007242

亲，不好意思我积分不够附件哈:)

Which has greater happiness, one's job or social life? Some insists that job makes people more happier since it helps them show their ability and become the main economic source of every family. In my opinion, however, social life provides more fun, for the following three reasons.

First of all, social activities add more fun into human life, which can help release pressure from job. For many people, it's fun to chat with others, to play games, such as soccer, or basketball 建议这种简单的排比能用三个最好with others. Such activities save us from the heavy work and adds color to our unchanging day after day life where there is only work and nothing else是不是太武断了，改成充满工作任务/压力更好. It's like taking a fresh breathe after a  hard-working day, releasing the heavy pressure inside the body and bringing in energy resources into it. As a result, we should be afraid to be engaged in social activities？.


While living a rich social life can help release pressure from our job, it can help us build the strong social support necessary for our surviving in a competing world as well. In fact, psychology researches are very interested in the relationship between people's social support and their subjective happiness. They have found that compared with people lack of social support, people who could get much support from their family or friends felt more happier可用happy的替换词如delighted exhilarate等. Furthermore, they have been proved to be more successful in fighting off the disasters filled in our life, such as loss of the beloved, loss of the jobs, or disease. Thus, it seems just necessary for us to maintain a rich social life.

Last yet not least, as we live in a socialized society, it is not only important for us to improve specific skills, to improve our social skills is also essential. Our whole country is built upon the cooperation and interaction between one another, let alone a company. At work, it is common to see people specialized in different fields, having different background, even speaking different language, yet sharing the same goal, cooperating together as a group to fighting against the challenges. Attending social activities, however, help us gain such abilities. When we are communicating with others or playing games together, we learn how to observe others' expressions, to express our own opinions without hurting others, to comfort and support them when they are blue. Therefore, social life can make us happier这个词出现次数太多了 as it help us progress further in our career.

As illustrated above, social life contributes more to people's happiness. Thus, we should not hesitate to spend time with our family and friends when we work hard to earn a better future.
楼主的论证很丰富啊，而且您的后两个观点比较新颖！不过建议不同段的论证方式稍微区别一下。比如第一段是生活事例，下一段就举一个具体点的例子，如自己经历或名人经历。
另外，可以和job做对比，从而突出social life 比jobs好

行者天下UID: 2716370

谢谢，生活事件和具体的例子还不一样的啊

markapple11UID: 3237589

加油！

Chel_seaUID: 3359346

楼主已改 请查收！

行者天下UID: 2716370

Chel_sea 发表于 2012-9-19 11:51
楼主已改 请查收！

收到了，谢谢！

氢氟酸UID: 2579195

请查收~ 0919DW 行者天下 revised by HF.doc (25.5 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2012-9-20 05:14:03 上传

下载次数: 4