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[作文] 【独立写作】ZoeX的作业帖 [复制链接]

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发表于 2012-9-29 13:32:44 |只看该作者
Chel_sea 发表于 2012-9-27 10:07
改好了 亲

非常感谢亲~我就是不知道怎么把简单的例子写生动以及怎么用简短的话把复杂的例子写清楚TUT……不断练习吧……

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发表于 2012-9-29 13:33:39 |只看该作者
huashiyiqike 发表于 2012-9-27 22:28
25日已改。

非常感谢亲的建议和修改,一起加油吧~:)

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发表于 2012-9-29 13:35:13 |只看该作者
Julia蜗牛 发表于 2012-9-28 09:58
太多字没时间检查..估计拼写语法错误有很多
我一朋友370左右拿了29分...
G是字数多有优势..托福主要还是 ...

=口=……ETS这是要闹哪样?哎……揣摩不到人家的脑回路咱还是质量数量两手抓吧……肿么才能又快又好啊嘤TUT

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发表于 2012-9-29 13:38:08 |只看该作者
Noah_Mo 发表于 2012-9-29 09:16
已经修改。

非常感谢亲的修改~中式化什么的……俺只能多看看人家写得好的慢慢学了TUT

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发表于 2012-9-30 09:23:37 |只看该作者

Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement:It is easier for parents to raisetheir children than 50 years ago.

Parents devote greatdeal of love, care, patience and of course money to raise their children.Compared to 50 years ago, I believe parent have more advantage to raise theirchildren with convenience in modern society.

First, the lifequality and medical conditions have been greatly improved in the recent 50years. Children can get healthier food and more comfortable living conditionsnow than in the past. As we all know, nutrition and rest is essential forchildren's health. In modern society, thanks to the high productivity of foodconvenient transportation, children can get varieties of food from all countryeven all over the world. Compared to the past when food is in shortage, parentscan prepare more balanced diet for their children. Also, as the medical sciencedeveloped, many diseases are easier to get treated, and with social security,more family can afford the fees for treatment. 两个ment很单调,payment报酬,偿还的意思多一些 Much fewer parents would witness theirchildren suffering because of the lack of medical care.  

What's more theeducation system is more completed and theories of education are elaborated morefully than  the pastime . Besidesphysical health, children need education when they growing up. The instructionfrom parents and teachers are rather significant for them. In modern time(当代? the present age; the contemporary era), parents caneasily find adequate school to educate their children, even when they are busyat their work, they would not leave their children unregulated. And the way ofeducation has also been improved as growing number of educators express theiridea to society and the revision in education occurs. For example, in the past,a number of parents used to be restricted to children expecting their successwhile ignore their true interest and characteristics. However, with more theoryof developing the children's talent and paying attention to their owninclination have made parents educate their children in a right way more easily.

In addition, theincreasing social wealth also contributes to ??? children. For instance, maybeevery child, especially boys, has a dream to travel around the world. In thepast, when traveling can only be afford by the wealthy, common parent can hardlymeet the children' wish. However, with the growth of the social wealth, parentscan afford more for their children, a trip, a book, or some toys as present fortheir birthday or prize for their good work in school. Thus children spendtheir childhood happily with pleasure and satisfactory.

In a nutshell, withthe improvement in both material and metal area, it is easier for parents to fostertheir children.

注意词汇变化 结构挺好,论证深入

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发表于 2012-10-1 11:22:32 |只看该作者
ZoeX 发表于 2012-9-29 13:32
非常感谢亲~我就是不知道怎么把简单的例子写生动以及怎么用简短的话把复杂的例子写清楚TUT……不断练习吧 ...

已改 前两天放假了 见谅~
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发表于 2012-10-1 16:15:14 |只看该作者
不好意思,改晚了~~一起加油!
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发表于 2012-10-6 00:14:36 |只看该作者
10.5 已改    PS:lz花了多少时间写作?
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发表于 2012-10-6 11:20:36 |只看该作者
已改:)
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发表于 2012-10-6 13:42:11 |只看该作者
whuplus 发表于 2012-10-6 00:14
10.5 已改    PS:lz花了多少时间写作?

非常感谢亲的修改……大概40分钟吧……半个小时写不完的废柴表示鸭梨大呀~

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发表于 2012-10-6 13:42:43 |只看该作者
xiaobanI 发表于 2012-10-6 11:20
已改

非常感谢亲的修改~一起加油哦~

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发表于 2012-10-8 09:01:57 |只看该作者

已经修改
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发表于 2012-10-8 15:49:46 |只看该作者
Noah_Mo 发表于 2012-10-8 09:01
已经修改

非常感谢!亲的建议很中肯啊!我是心里默认学业很重要所以就没点出来,至少应该在开头交代前提的。至于那个两套主谓宾的问题应该是不对的,大概很多同学都跟我犯了同样的错误吧TUT,说到底还是中式思维模式严重……再次非常感谢亲的指正:)

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发表于 2012-10-8 19:08:50 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 taniax 于 2012-10-8 23:12 编辑

10.7 修改

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备考先锋

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发表于 2012-10-10 16:50:23 |只看该作者
10.9 已改~~~
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RE: 【独立写作】ZoeX的作业帖 [修改]
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