【独立写作】April的作业贴~

我爱寄托爱我UID: 3381202

改了，自己的水平实在有限不能提出更好的观点

April181UID: 2782403

我爱寄托爱我 发表于 2012-10-19 22:36
改了，自己的水平实在有限不能提出更好的观点

提出的都很准确有力，谢谢哈~~

lain0119UID: 2695504

改好啦
被主题帖子lz忽略的两个银啊。。。

feihong76UID: 3072089

1019已批改~


为梦想加油!

niewenjuan123sdUID: 3262544

加油

我爱寄托爱我UID: 3381202

改了一下，自己的作文也不是很好，多包涵
刚才在想你说jobs的例子，自己想到一点思路，分享一下，我们可以说丈夫与妻子之间的两人深深相爱的时候根本不在乎对方的外表，情人夜里出西施，自己的一点看法！

April181UID: 2782403

我爱寄托爱我 发表于 2012-10-22 20:03
改了一下，自己的作文也不是很好，多包涵
刚才在想你说jobs的例子，自己想到一点思路，分享一下，我们可以 ...

恩恩，谢谢哈
你说的这个论点很好哈，可以单列一段来写滴！

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One should never judge a person by external appearances. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

In the present age, the heated debate about whether we can judge a person by external appearances has been going on. Overall, I agree with the statement that one should never judge a person by simply by what he or she looks like, with the following reasons.

Admittedly, people are willing to judge each other by external appearances. More attention is paid on how to become much more beautiful scenery (A person can't become 'scenery'. I know in Chinese you can say 别人眼中一道亮丽的风景线 and blah, but this doesn't translate to English.) in other people’s eyes nowadays, be it make-ups, fashionable clothes, accessories or even wigs, especially among young ladies. This trend is raging on all over the world, which brings large amount of wealth to the society from the adornment industries (I'm not really sure what you mean by 'adornment industries'. 'adorn' is to dress up, decorate, with a serious intention', so it's usually used in religious contexts rather than an 'industry'. The fashion industry is just that, 'the fashion industry'.) and so on. Nevertheless, what is popular does not equal to what is warranted. Judging people extremely (If you use an adverb, it means your action of judging is performed 'in an extreme manner', which makes no sense. What you meant to say is that you judge people with extreme measures/criteria. You can't just translate from 极端地看人, because the semantics are very different.) by visible appearances is not wise and will even bring detrimental results (You didn't really elaborate on 'detrimental results' in this paragraph, so I don't know whether this sentence intends to sum up this paragraph, or bring in the next paragraph, or do something else.).

Correct judgment of an individual relates to all-round aspects rather than just external appearances. It seems that gorgeous appearances sometimes cheat people for they cover the true nature of a person which may be evil on contrary with his or her appearances (This assumes that if a person looks good, people would expect his/her characters to be good too, so if a person is evil but looks good, it's not 'right' in some sense – is such an assumption even warranted?). There is ample evidence suggesting that human beings' characteristics cannot be recognized through people’s faces or what they wear, which means external appearance are not  the criteria when judging a person. Take the highly increasing divorce rate as an example. Flash marriage is likely depending on the appearances to some extent, which eventually turns out mutually unfit.

Furthermore, it is unfair to judging a person just by what he or she looks like. People were all born how they look like (Not really sure what this sentence means. Do you mean something like 'people's appearances are determined at birth'?). Little they change about their appearances (Unless you go for cosmetic surgeries, I guess..). However, there exist some sorts of people who just have ordinary appearances but devote themselves to researches and make great contributions to all human beings today. Like Steven Jobs who almost changes the world of design (He didn't 'almost' change the world of design. He changed it. If you almost did something, you were very close to actually doing it but you still didn't eventually do it – e.g. 'I almost got a first class in my phonology paper!') with the I series of products but no one can tell that from his face, right? Appearances stand for nothing in my opinion, and it is a prejudice way to judge an ugly individual with nothing successful (If you judge a person 'with' something, you make an judgment with that something, not that you make an judgment of some content. What you meant to say is more likely, 'to judge an ugly individual as a loser'.).

On the basis of the above factors, my conclusion is that judging a person only by external appearances is unwarranted. To substantiate a person’s natural qualities, many other respects should be taken into consideration.

总结：

你的说理没有很大的问题，但是语言表意不好，经常有疑似直翻和表达不清的情况，所以请注意词用，特别是动词短语的搭配（比如look like才是表外貌的意思，光look不行）。