issue130, 写了一个小时阿

rosebyUID: 135839

"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."


     I strongly agree the speaker's statement that the very way which we use to have our next generation socialized is essential to the final destiny of our society. However, convinced of the super significance of education , we have now failed to take effective part in the process of bringing about our expected future hosts without whom a better society would only keep in our mind as a dream.
    What is "socialize" mean? In my point of view, in its very essence, it mainly indicates the whole process which converts a little baby to a social qualified citizen  with a mature mind  .How children are socialized? There is no more a sincere issue than education with this process. Indeed, it is the very purpose of education that helps us become autonomous, creative and inquiring people who have the will and intelligence to create our own destiny. As the old saying goes, children are the tomorrow of a nation .Thus,  children’ destiny is equal to the destiny of society ; education is then viewed as the only  way which would generate us the bright prospect of our society .
    What education should be called for? The American president Thomas Jeff son ever emphasized that the true education should aim at the improvement of both a man's "faculties" and "morals", which once had been regarded as the basic aim of American education over two centuries. First of all, we should make our children know about good value system, a set of justified standard, a good many of useful ideas ——honesty, fairness, self-discipline, fidelity to the group, friend, and family, personal responsibility, and belief in disciples of liberty, equality, and freedom to practice one's own faith, all of which insure them qualified citizens . Secondly, they should be trained into productive workers which need knowledge in a variety of fields, especially in this technologically  advanced era.
    However, with the increasing change in various fields, especially the trend of maketization, this aim in education also has its alternation. All of the agent in this process have been granted new concepts. The parents, whom children have been most depended upon, become more likely to steer their sons and daughters toward a secure future, exert on them the "dreams" of the contemporary need. The schools, in which our children spend most of the time, become a  place for collecting a large amount of various information  ,and then stuff into the poor student ——as passive receptacle. The students themselves, who primitively should be the active agent in this process, are more enthusiastic in pursuing  high grades ,in high-profited jobs, in other economic interests. All of these do deteriorate the primary goal of our truth of education , conversely, to some extent ,make the society more profit-oriented and become a rather worse one. Therefore ,it is time for us to call for a revised educational  system which need the attention of all people.
     In the final analysis, since most of people have already realized the significance of the process of "socialize", continuous effort are now required to reform our present educational system , ultimately establish a better one which would then lead to the improvement of the whole society.

木耳UID: 123036

本想帮你看的,可肚子实在饿了, 撑不住了.
明天吧,下午还要复习功课.
一个小时不算长啦,放宽心^_^

imongUID: 140258

注意了标题格式，值得表扬。最好再稍微修改一下你文章的格式，每段之间空一行，看起来舒服些（考试的时候一般也采用这种空行格式的）。

I strongly agree （with?）the speaker's statement that the very way which we use to（这里用use的话就很麻烦了，表达得很不清楚，至少也是apply...method的组合） have our next generation socialized is essential to the final destiny（final用得不好） of our society. However, convinced of（by?） the super（super用得不好） significance of education , we have now failed to take effective part in the process of bringing about our expected future hosts without whom a better society would only keep in our mind as a dream.后半句没看清楚？有点长又不够明白。

What is（如果后边不改用词的话这里应该用does吧？） "socialize" mean? In my point of view, in its very essence, it（前边用了its这里建议不用it，而是把主体写出来，否则感觉上不对劲） mainly indicates the whole process which converts（process convert？主谓不搭配，而且convert baby虽然不能说动宾不搭配但是至少不太合适） a little baby to a social qualified citizen with a mature mind .How children are socialized? There is no more a sincere issue than education（？） with this process. Indeed, it is the very purpose of education that helps us become autonomous(?), creative and inquiring people who have the will and intelligence to create our own destiny. As the old saying goes, children are the tomorrow of a nation .Thus, children’ destiny is equal to the destiny of society ; education is then viewed as the only way which would generate us the bright prospect of our society .

这一段已经指出了几个典型的语言上的错误了，一定要注意（找一下我上次给你改的，有多少是重犯的？）。习题库里边有很多issue130，可以去看看，对比起来这篇文章还是有一定差距的。

时空剑
后边的话我就先不改了。下次争取让我改到第三段。