[[TPO]] 【独立写作】TOEFL 作文贴 shanche~

alexcuiUID: 3365616

shanche 发表于 2012-12-25 20:54
你的作文在哪？

10.24 Money spending for salary written by alexcui.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2012-12-25 22:07:01 上传

下载次数: 2

不好意思了，下次一定把错误标出来，今天改的时候还在加班，不好意思啊

alexcuiUID: 3365616

frozensmile 发表于 2012-12-25 22:00
今天没写作为，就认真改了下，有错误的地方，还请见谅

10.24 Money spending for salary written by alexcui.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2012-12-25 22:08:49 上传

下载次数: 1

晚了，不好意思

shancheUID: 3386780

alexcui 发表于 2012-12-25 22:07
不好意思了，下次一定把错误标出来，今天改的时候还在加班，不好意思啊

没事没事   

alexcuiUID: 3365616

1225(manage money)by shanche-revised by alexcui.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2012-12-26 09:23:18 上传

下载次数: 2

alexcuiUID: 3365616

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... e=1&extra=12.25作业，麻烦了，

ETS清洁工UID: 3302838

已改

shancheUID: 3386780

ETS清洁工 发表于 2012-12-27 09:43
已改

好的 谢谢
你的作文  我晚上改了发你  不好意思

blesslingUID: 3401831

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1776397310

1223的。。。抱歉这么晚才来贴。

ETS清洁工UID: 3302838

已改~

lee大乐UID: 3360311

自己水平有限，改得很少，与君共勉~

凯子啊哦UID: 3397376

哈哈 lz今天写的倒是挺早的= =

shancheUID: 3386780

凯子啊哦 发表于 2012-12-30 17:13
哈哈 lz今天写的倒是挺早的= =

最近来学校各种早。。  晚上把你昨文发你

blesslingUID: 3401831

已改~

mpromanusUID: 2565872

The way a person is dressed in is a good indication of his/her character or personality.  Agree or not?

Along with the development of the society, people have numerous choices about their clothes. When it comes to the argument that the way a person is dressed in is a good indication of his/her character or personality, people tend to have different viewpoints. In my opinion, the style of person's clothes is a good reflection of his/her character or personality.

First and foremost, the types of a person's clothes can reflect his/her character, such as a conservative or out-going personality. With continuous and rapid developments taking place in our society, lots of people have particular choices about their clothes.(I don't see how this sentence is relevant to the previous one. You started by saying the types of clothes can reflect a person's character, e.g. conservative or out-going, so I'd expect you to continue to elaborate on perhaps which types of clothing would be conservative or out-going, like what you did in the next sentence. In other words, this 'continuous and rapid developments' bit serves no logical purpose in your essay, and is quite obviously just here to pump up your word count..) According to the normal life (What kind of life is defined as 'the normal life', anyway? This is one of those vague phrases that makes sense in Chinese because Chinese pragmatics assigns default meanings to phrases like 'the normal life', but not in English, where the idea of 'norms' are very different.), if a person has a conservative character, he/she will definitely wear more than normal people. However, if a person has an out-going personality, he/she will wear less. By paying attention to the type of a person's clothes, people will absolutely find out his/her personality.(Indeed. This is the kind of argumentative sentences that I look for. You're actually on the right track to proper argumentative writing. However, your point in this paragraph is specifically about the 'type' of clothing, while your argument about more/less clothing is not actually pertaining to the 'type' but the 'amount' of clothing. I wonder if this is because you don't have enough vocabulary to actually discuss 'types' of clothing with confidence.)

Besides, the color of a person's clothes can indicate his/her interests. If a girl loves the pink clothes, she may like the Bobbie doll (Do you mean 'Barbie', the famous doll?). For example, pink is my little sister's favorite color, and she is fond of the Bobbie doll and watching bobby's films. She is always wearing the pink clothes too ('either' means 'too' but you only use 'either' in negated sentences, e.g. 'I don't eat beef and my little sister doesn't either'.), and her teacher said my sister must be very lovely. However, I like darker clothes, which might infer my interests are simple (As far as I see it, your little sister's interest in dolls is as simple, maybe even simpler, than your interest in movies/music..), such as watching movies or listening to musics. By focusing on the color of a person's clothes, people can safely guess his/her interests and character.(This logic is not quite acceptable, and your examples are a bit stretched. Not every pink-loving girl must love Barbie: some of them can love Hello Kitty too. And definitely not everyone who likes dark colors must have 'simple' interests like movies/music..I mean how would you define any interest as 'simple' or 'not simple'? From what you have described, it seems that the character you're alluding to is 'feminine/feminism', rather than being lovely or simple. Again, you're on the right track of argumentative thinking. I'm not saying your examples are bad. But the way you describe things is rather simplistic and not precise enough to make a good point. Again, I'd imagine this is due to your lack of vocabulary. Now, the problem with your reasoning in this paragraph is that yes, your sister loves Barbie and pink, and you like movies/music can darker colors, but these are not correlations. In other words, the exact relationship between color choice and interest here is a coincidence, not a must. It is generally acceptable to conclude about the general character of a person from his/her color choices, yes, but to point out Barbie from pink is too specific. Like I said, not every pink-loving girl must love Barbie, but yes, you might say they probably would have more 'feminine' interests.)

Finally, the fashion ('fashion' is a collective term for clothing in trend, so you don't say 'the fashion of clothes' but just 'the fashion'.) of a person's clothes can demonstrate his/her concept (concept of what? 'concept' itself is too vague a term to make any sense here.), such as the retro style or the trendy style. The concept of people is a kind of personality. My best friend, Ann, likes the retro style. She likes to think things in the retro style, for example, she is fond of reading a book of classical prose, which seems unbelievable to me.(That, sadly, is not exactly 'retro'. 'retro' as a style means the styles of the 1940's to the 1980-90's, and it actually does not go back as far as 'classical'..) Likewise, she is always wearing retro clothes.(You keep repeating 'retro' without actually saying anything about what exactly she wears that is 'retro', for example 'a polka-dot dress and a bandana'..again I suspect you don't really have the vocabulary to actually discuss clothing with confidence.) People can find a person's own concept by seeing what kind of clothes he/she wearing.

In conclusion, I really believe the way a person is dressed in is a good indication of his/her character or personality since the types of a person's clothes can reflect his/her conservative or out-going personality, the color of a person's clothes can indicate his/her interests and the fashion of a person's clothes can demonstrate his/her concept.

总结：

你其实是很清楚议论文该怎么下手的嘛！这样简单直接能把话说明白的就很好。最大的问题是词汇量明显没有达到可以很充分地描述衣服和性格的程度。。笑。不过这个问题是可以通过纯粹自己练习解决的所以其实不算是个大问题。。

凯子啊哦UID: 3397376

已改~ lz ro老师说的是