issue16 第一篇限时

lemonlikeUID: 139588

5555，这两天怎么连不上了
昨天限时一篇，超时10余分，写完了贴到word居然有7处拼写错误：（

Issue 016 社会类@
“Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.”

提纲：
1、开篇，反对。
2、现代生活的奢华和便利使得人们前所未有的强大和独立，以汽车的发明为例，古代长途跋涉，现在利用汽车可以免除人们舟车劳顿，可以更自由的选择职业。反之，没有现在便利的手段，浪费更多时间精力，以查找资料为例。
3、同时应该认识到现代便利手段的局限和潜在危机。举常见现象，不是这些便利而是人类自身问题和态度造成这些现象。
4、结尾，认识局限的基础上肯定。

“Money is the origin of evil”, some people often complain like that when they see the crimes happen around. What’s more, they sometimes also blame that the luxury and convenience of modern life for the deficiency and dependency of contemporary people. However, in my point of view, it is not the luxury and convenience that hamper the healthy development of individual, but one’s intrinsic personality and his/her attitude towards the life.

Rather than prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals, today’s luxuries and conveniences of life make people more powerful and independent than anytime ever before. Take the automobile as an example: in the past it usually took people several days, even longer, to travel from one place to another, the distance between which is not so far; however, since the invention of automobile, it serves to enhance such independence and convenience. Cars make it possible for people to go to the faraway or some isolated areas without having to bearing the stuffiness of public transportation, and to become more independent by pursuing employment faraway from their communities. While, without the modern facilities, could one truly become strong and independent individual? The answer is certainly not. One just perhaps spends much more time, energy and money to achieve some same results which can be obtained efficiently and effectively with the assistance of modern facilities. It is entirely unnecessary and wasteful. If one could search a large amount of information he/she needs from the internet, should he/she have got to go to library by himself/herself for collecting the relevant information? What does truly strong and independent mean? What we have witnessed can tell us the key: it is that we are getting stronger and more independent both in mental and physical than our ancestor.

However, at the same time, it is equally important for us to realize the limitation of modern facilities and some potential danger which will be aroused if we lose our domination over modern facilities and too rely on them. Modern facilities, which invented by people, serve to help people to manage their life and society more efficiently, and bring them more luxuries and conveniences. But unfortunately, nowadays, there seems to be so many people, who are indulging themselves in the luxurious life, either lack interest or ability to pursue career independently or can hardly bear any small difficulty. They are always blaming the luxuries or poverty for their failure without examining actual causes which may be just lying in their characteristic deficiencies or aleatory attitudes towards life. A person with strong personality and proper attitude towards life, no matter he is affluent or poor, is always well prepared for any challenge and competition.

In conclusion, admitted that the convenience and luxuries of contemporary life is vulnerable to by affected by modern facilities, we should not deny the incalculable value of modern facilities to society and our daily life.

genie05UID: 30358

拼写错误慢慢来，第一次限时肯定会比较紧张的。没有关系。

genie05UID: 30358

Issue 016 社会类@
“Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.”

提纲：
1、开篇，反对。
2、现代生活的奢华和便利使得人们前所未有的强大和独立，以汽车的发明为例，古代长途跋涉，现在利用汽车可以免除人们舟车劳顿，可以更自由的选择职业。反之，没有现在便利的手段，浪费更多时间精力，以查找资料为例。
3、同时应该认识到现代便利手段的局限和潜在危机。举常见现象，不是这些便利而是人类自身问题和态度造成这些现象。
4、结尾，认识局限的基础上肯定。

“Money is the origin of evil”, some people often complain like that when they see the crimes happen around.（加个限制，写和金钱有关或者由利益驱使的crime比较准确） What’s more, they sometimes also blame that the luxury and convenience of modern life for the deficiency and dependency of contemporary people.（语法） However, in my point of view, it is not the luxury and convenience that hamper the healthy development of individual, but one’s intrinsic personality and his/her attitude towards the life.（the 是否应该去掉）(论点好面熟，孙远上的？：) ）

Rather than prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals, today’s luxuries and conveniences of life make people more powerful and independent than （anytime去掉如何？） ever before. Take the automobile as an example: in the past it usually took people several days, （加or，我自己是这样认为的，但是看你的好几篇文章里面好象都是这种用法。）even longer, to travel from one place to another, the distance between which is not so far; however, since the invention of automobile, it serves to enhance such independence and convenience（语法）. Cars make it possible for people to go to the faraway or some isolated areas without having to bearing the stuffiness of public transportation, and to become more independent by pursuing employment faraway from their communities. While, without the modern facilities, could one truly become strong and independent individual?（你这里的WHILE是什么用法？） The answer is certainly not. One just perhaps spends much more time, energy and money to achieve some same results which can be obtained efficiently and effectively with the assistance of modern facilities. （建议在句式上加以修改。主谓宾的写法过多让人觉得单调，而且这个句子很不流畅）It is entirely（换词） unnecessary and wasteful. If one could search a large amount of information he/she needs from the internet, should he/she have got （got?）to go to library by himself/herself for collecting the relevant information? What does truly strong and independent mean? What we have witnessed can tell us the key: it is that we are getting stronger and more independent both in mental and physical than our ancestor.(这段的总体感觉在句子的流畅性和选词上还存在一定的问题。肯能是因为第一次限时吧，比较紧张。)

However, at the same time, it is equally important for us to realize the limitation of modern facilities and some potential danger which will be aroused if we lose our domination over modern facilities and too rely on them.（语法） Modern facilities, which invented by people,（废话） serve to help people to manage their life and society more efficiently, and bring them more luxuries and conveniences.（建议多看看木耳写的几个共同的问题） But unfortunately, nowadays, there seems to be so many people, who are indulging themselves in the luxurious life, either lack interest or ability to pursue career independently or can hardly bear any small difficulty. They are always blaming the luxuries or poverty for their failure without examining actual causes which may be just lying in their characteristic deficiencies or aleatory （？）attitudes towards life. A person with strong personality and proper attitude towards life, no matter he is affluent or poor, is always well prepared for any challenge and competition.

In conclusion, admitted that the convenience and luxuries of contemporary life is vulnerable to by affected by modern facilities, we should not deny the incalculable value of modern facilities to society and our daily life.

建议你用WORD统计一下每一段的字数，或者直接看你的篇幅的分布，感觉不是很平衡对吧。在划分段落和论证的过程中关于文章的总体结构都是要注意的。
用词的重复也是问题。考虑多换一些词语。


没时间看了，下次再说