求Ro老师修改作文

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people believe that it is offering the truth that is regarded as the first principle to maintaining any relationship, while others don't (There is so much redundancy in this sentence that you run into the danger of exhausting your examiner in the very first sentence.). From my perspective, it is too hasty to jump to a definite conclusion that whether being honest is admired or not (Right. But the question is not really about whether honesty is admired or not. It can be important without being admired at all.). Because although the very first lesson taught about morality during their (Who? What? There's no plural noun before this. You can arguably say it's 'people' in the next clause, but that 1. is too far away; 2. doesn't make much sense..what is 'people's formative phrase' anyway?) formative phrase is being trustworthy, what people also learn from life and experiences is that giving the facts does not always result in a stable relationship or a desirable ending (And again, your sentences are so tediously redundant that they are more tiring than many less sophisticated but more straight-forward essays.). It tends to be that sometimes when dealing with specific situations, taking others' feelings, financial conflicts and so forth into consideration, a white lie ('a white lie' is a fixed phrase, which means the whole phrase functions as one unit. You can't just verbalize the 'lie' part of it.) may be a more appropriate or rational choice. So if you ask me: is telling the truth important? Yes, it is and probably good as well. But should we be honest in any case? I believe not.

It is obvious that telling the truth is of vital importance in a family. Only by trust and honesty can domestic affection bonds be strengthened. Giving an example of kids: by being honest with the mistakes they made, the hard times they run through at school, and the difficulties they face in everyday life, they give the parents opportunities to not only help them overcome those embarrassing situations which cannot be worked out easily with their young hearts, but also to know them better. For instance, my little cousin, Tom, is a boy who loves painting while his parents are both university professors who hope their son to be a remarkable scientist in the future. They believe Tom's dream is the same as theirs because when they make a heavy homework schedule for Tom, he never says any word. In fact, the reason why Tom does that is he just does not want to depress his parents. By offering the truth (To whom? His parents?) about his own interest, Tom realizes he needs to express himself honestly to let his parents know him in depth. And now he engages himself in painting and does extremely well. Things are the same with family members. Sharing true feelings or facing dilemmas can strongly link relatives as well as unite them to fight against any hardship.

When it turns to social contact situations (And I'm not really sure what you mean by 'social contact situation'. It's usually just 'social situations' or 'social contact'.), without honesty, people still (Why 'still'?) cannot take a single step (Doesn't make much sense, this phrase. I understand what you're trying to say because I know it makes sense in Chinese, but no, you just don't say it that way in English..), especially for sellers. Honest providers (Of what?) can easily build up good reputations and win more clients while others who exaggerate qualities or even falsely advertise find it hard to survive (Personally I would love to challenge you on this, but no, that's too much flaunting from me..but still, just to give you some thought: think of ads of skincare products. I dare say none of them is honest.). Data speaks louder than anything. According to a survey last week conducted by TAOBAO, which is similar to E-Bay and is the largest E-commerce platform in China, shows that there are 87.6% of fifty million voters will choose sellers' credibility but not price, delivery speed and so on as the first primary criterion when selecting commodities on the internet (If I'm to be really critical, I'd say 'but credibility is not the same as always telling the truth'. But well, for TOEFL I won't be this demanding..). The data also illustrates that 76.5% of poor-credibility sellers whose credibility star level is less than two stars will run out of business in two years.

However, being honest might lead to bad or even tragic endings. It might probably discourage or hurt others' feelings despite you do not mean it ('despite' + noun phrase. A sentence won't do.). I believe most have seen the plot ('the' plot of what?) in which doctors conceal the truth to avoid the patient to be desperate ('avoid' + noun phrase, and it is not causative like 'help': you can say 'help the patient to <do something>' but not 'avoid the patient to <do something>.) with his incurable condition (I'm really giving up. I know what you're trying to say with this sentence but every phrase is just so awkward, that the easiest correction would actually be just to re-write the whole sentence altogether..). In fact, white lies are needed in some specific relationships or situations because when your truth is related with other people (Right. What does it mean for a piece of truth to be 'related with other people'?), it is not a simple action any more. It actually becomes a kind consideration for others and a requirement which social etiquette asks us to meet ('Truth' becomes a 'consideration' and 'a requirement'? You've lost yourself in your maze of clauses..). When given a delicately-prepared gift from a friend or a business partner, the most advisable way of giving a response is to present great appreciation. At this point, speaking out your true feeling about the gift, especially dislike, is inappropriate. Cases are quite similar for celebrities. When asked about opinions of a newly-released movie, a latest edition of a best-selling book, or a hot topic full of controversies, most of those famous people usually just euphemistically stand on a neutral point so as to avoid getting others into troubles (Even if they are asked about their own movies and books?? What trouble is there to 'get others into' in that case? What you're trying to say is really just that celebrities would often avoid commenting sharply on other people's involvements..yet with all your prowess in grammar, you didn't manage to get this across clearly..).

All in all, in my opinion, telling the truth is important for most intimate relationships, like family relationships. However, in some specific social relationships, things need a little bit adjusting, and telling the truth can’t be taken as a universal means ('means' idiomatically meaning 'a way, a method' in the expression '(a) means to an end' comes with the 's'. It is not a plural -s.) any more.

Right. You write some of the fanciest sentences I have seen. Your argumentation is actually good. But still a lot of your expressions just don't make much sense. And the essay overall is very redundant – you wrote some 700 words but didn't really say a lot more than what people usually manage with 400. Sometimes you get lost in your long, complex sentences as well. You'll probably do well for TOEFL simply because your essay looks very advanced, but I'd not be too optimistic about actual academic writing.
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