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发表于 2013-3-11 17:26:55
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本帖最后由 arcyoung 于 2013-6-12 19:06 编辑
(二)Think in Western Style
这部分侧重说明文章的逻辑结构,即西式写作逻辑结构。行文逻辑结构良好,有利于增强文章的说服力,对于PS同样适用,说服委员会你是一个非常优秀的申请者。但前提是,在(一)Brainstorming部分已经顺利完成,有详细的思考,有清晰的整理,在这个部分就只需要安排好列出的例子,活动的排版等,即调整“过去经历”及感悟收获,增强PS说服力。
此部分用自己的PS为例,主观性较强,有不足之处,还请见谅!
A. Structure 结构
1. 全文
通常一篇英语文章分为三部分:Introduction + Body + Conclusion,
每个段落都也具体分为Argument + Detail (+ Conclusion),
其中需要用良好的Transition去连接段落(通常用词句),和段落的句子(通常为词组)
2. Introduction 此部分为PS开头段,建议:
1)长度为Body Paragraph的1/3-1/2左右,句子以3-5句最佳。如果开头太长,从结构上看,一开始容易失去观众;
2)最好有Hook,直接grab attention。Hook可以为个人的故事(比较老套),也可为(一)部分中第2点中的第(3)小点;
3)最好将自己的职业目标&目的,直接清晰呈现出来;(这是当时外教给我的建议。第一遍的PS写的很感性,将职业目标写在最后,结果被她一顿狂批)
(注意:在第一段中,我只是简洁概括性的说明了自己的Career Goal,但在下文中,仍然有一个段落,前面是写经历,在感悟的部分就是重新将自己的Career Goal展示出来,也用了较大的篇幅,这样力度才够。当然,具体情况,具体分析啦。)
自己的PS结构:个人故事(Hook)+ 专业定义(Hook)+职业目标(重点)
It was not until my first cathartic crying session at a psychologist’s office when I was nineteen that I realized despite the drawbacks we encounter in our lives, we can overcome them and utilize our experiences and lessons to heal the wounds of many others.(Personal Part) Blending compassion with professional care in the field of social work is a marvelous vehicle for the recognition and reconstruction of the imperfections we may face.(Professional Part) At this point of my life, I strongly desire to pursue a Master of Social Work degree and work to become a licensed social worker in the future. (Career Goal,全文的重点)
3. Body Paragraph 此部分就是将各个学校PS的要求融入到不同的自然段,建议:
1)推荐的逻辑结构是:Why + How
即将自己选择XX专业的理由先写出来,阐明为什么,就需求
然后写出自己有何种能力,说明自己的能力,满足需求
2)每段有且只说明一件事情,一次经历。推荐逻辑结构是:
Argument + Details + Conclusion
XX参加活动 + 活动细节以及体现的能力+ 从中的感悟 (总结全段,开启下文)
下面以自己的PS作为例子:
1)Why 部分
A)个人原因,即Personal,说明自己与其他申请者的不同:
Over the years, I have developed a great interest in human behaviors, particularly those of children and families. (Argument 总起整段)My parents divorced when I was six, and afterwards, I started to spend more time with new kids and different single parents. During this time, I came to realize the impact that families’ and parents’ behaviors have on children’s psychosocial behaviors. (Background 阐述)I witnessed how my older brother went from being a straight-A student to becoming a rebellious teenager due to his biological father’s gambling problem. (反面例子&细节支持)On the other hand, I also witnessed how I, myself, transformed from a girl struggling with an eating disorder and suicidal ideations to a passionate, healthy young woman who loves life through my father’s care and support. (正面例子&细节支持)These personal experiences instilled in me a strong desire to acquire in-depth knowledge of the personal struggles we may face as human beings and as a society, and the ways in which we can help heal the wounds caused by these drawbacks. (从中的感悟和学习,总结了整段,并说明自己想读Master并且是Social Work的原因)
B)专业原因,即Professional,说明自己的专业能力:
Simultaneously, while studying at the best minority university in China, I have developed a deep appreciation for individual diversity and minority heritage through campus life and interacting with students of different nationalities.(Argument总起段落) As an English Literature major, I have cultivated great insight into social and individual interactions through literature analysis. (Background 综合阐述)Studying classical works has expanded my knowledge of the diverse range of human emotions and characteristics, while reading about ethnic minority creation has enriched my understanding of sensitive issues such as race and religion. (细节性描述)Public courses such as Life Education have also introduced me to ways to overcome drawbacks via self-psychological adjustments. All of these unique academic learning experiences have played an important role in influencing me to pursue social work. (继续证明选择SW的原因和能力)
2)How 部分
行文逻辑:同(一)中A部分的第(3)点。
4. Conclusion 在首段陈述了Goal,在Body中陈述了Why + How,PS的结尾,通常是:
Why + How + Thank for your kind consideration of my application
为什么选择这所学校+简洁综合概括自己的能力+同上
将Program的特殊性与自己的Career Goal相结合
(“为什么选择这个学校”已经在(一)中A部分第4点提到,“有怎样的能力”已在(一)中A部分第3点中的提到)
当然,根据PS要求不同,尤其在字数方面,有时需要将Why和How部分分为两段回答,有的则需要将两部分合为一段,具体情况,具体分析。还有部分学校的PS,可能还会有其他问题,也可能以那个结尾。
一下分享下自己PS的结尾:
1)WUSTL: Why和How部分,合在一段
The Brown School attracts me most because of its distinguished faculty and highly diverse school environment. (已在(一)中A部分第4点中进行过分析)My social work professor at JSU also spoke very highly of your school’s excellent reputation and strongly suggested me to apply. (这句话就是General Rule,都适用)Taking advantage of your challenging MSW program, I am confident I will cultivate solid theoretical knowledge from your comprehensive curriculum, from my foundation classes to my selected concentration.(课程设置) I will also gain plenty of practical skills through your abundant seminars and internship opportunities, which will help lay a solid foundation for my future career as a licensed social worker. (实习和研究小组)I know that my strong commitment to helping disadvantaged people overcome their problems and aim for their true potential, my excellent academic performance, and my diverse skill sets gained from my previous volunteer and extracurricular experiences would allow me to add great value to your program.(总结能力,但个人认为这里自己总结的不够好,句子过长) Thank you for your kind consideration of my application.
2)UB:Why和How部分,分为两段
(UB和其他学校不同,它之前给发了封邮件,主题为 “Why Choose UB”,其中介绍了许多学校的情况和其特别之处。从这点,而且也从官网PS的Guideline看出,UB其实很强调“为什么选择这所学校”这个问题。为了将其列为重点,正好又在字数范围之内,所以就很详细的用了一个自然段叙述)
The University at Buffalo (UB) School of Social Work (SSW) attracts me most because of its distinguished faculty and highly diverse school environment.(这句写的不太好,一直犹豫要不要删) My social work professor at JSU also spoke very highly of your school’s excellent reputation and strongly suggested me to apply. Taking advantage of your well designed MSW program, I am confident I will cultivate broad-based professional knowledge from your foundation coursework, and deepen my understanding of human rights from your trauma informed evidence-based curriculum.(课程设置。这里可以看到,我用的词和WUSTL不一样,这就是每个学校课程设置的不同) I will also gain plenty of practical skills through your cutting-edged community-focused social work experience, which is exactly what I anticipate most for graduate school. (这里也和WUSTL不一样)Additionally, the research that is rooted in community collaborative partnerships in your school will surely help me acquire more advancing knowledge of social work and related fields, and thus, lay a solid foundation for my future career as a licensed social worker after my graduation.(将学校的Program和自己的Career Goal结合起来) In the same time, from metropolitan sophistication to hometown friendliness, historic settings to contemporary architecture, I believe that the life in Buffalo-Niagara will offer me a unique and impressive outlook of history and diversity for my graduate study. (UB最大的地理优势,这正好与自己本科专业培养的喜好相符)
这段与How的部分有所不一样,因为UB直接明确提出,需要说明自己能为学院和学生带去什么,那么以这部分结尾更合乎逻辑。
For myself, a Chinese student who possesses minority backgrounds and strong culture awareness, I believe that I am able to bring in diversity and innovation to school culture environment. (Diversity通常是国际学生最大的优势)Also, I am confident that my good work ethic as well as passionate and amiable nature will play a positive role in building up strong partnerships and friendships with my fellow students. (除了这个理由,至今还未想出更好的原因去证明自己对students的benefit)Moreover, I know that my strong commitment to helping disadvantaged people overcome their problems and aim for their true potential, my excellent academic performance, and my diverse skill sets gained from my previous volunteer and extracurricular experiences would allow me to add great value to your MSW program. (由于PS要求不同,需要将能力的总结放在这个部分)Thank you for your kind consideration of my application.
B Theme & Tone 主题或语气
1. Theme
很多人包括自己,都问过这样一个问题:PS是感性好呢?还是理性好?
我自己一开始在9月初写的PS,完全走感性路线,其中夹杂了许多文学中的暗喻等,自认为不错,结果被外教劈头盖脸的打回来。这也是Ann在高级写作课程中一直灌输我们的一个思路:在中国,或许好多文章都是happy ending,许多表达需要含蓄,隐晦,情感化较重。
但在美国,他们一直以来奉行的都是Critical Thinking批判式思维,再加之直接简洁的美国文化,他们的大部分文章都很强调:逻辑+客观。也就是说,任何argument都没有绝对的对错,你可以有你自己的Argument,但是需要用证据去证明!(这也是托福阅读和GRE作文中体现的思想),证明的好,就是对的。你需要写一个人的故事,你也需要将他的好与不好都写出来,重要的不是在最后给他贴标签,他很幸福或很悲观。相反,故事结尾最重要的是,客观地去感悟,强调收获。这个写作思想正好和PS一致,这也是为什么有些学校会要求申请者陈述自己的缺点了,它同样奉行两个原则:客观+逻辑。客观呈现,逻辑说服。
想清楚这个问题,那么PS最好的Theme,就是感性+理性。
1)感性,即自己的故事,但需要客观呈现。所以在举例子中,最好是正面例子+反面例子,因为生活中的事情肯定有好有坏,我们需要做的就是客观呈现,自己有成功也有失败。而不是一味用自己的血泪史去博取同情,也不是一直用自己的各方面成功去证明自己有多优秀,因为那不够客观;
2)理性,即自己的收获,需要有逻辑的去证明。所以我在分享中从一开始就强调,先花时间好好“想”,想自己的过去,想自己从中得到的收获,想清楚,才能更好的将他们排列组合,进行证明,说服委员会录取你!而不是在PS中拼命罗列自己的经历,或者在一段中出现几个主题,那都是没有思考的结果。
自己一开始在9月份写PS用的例子和证据,到12月份修改完成定稿时,都全部重新跟新。有的例子不要了,有的例子从段尾调到段首,有的例子得出的能力和感受也做调整。整个过程,就如同一直在做排列组合,将那些例子和能力排列组合到最佳方式,才可以通过逻辑的结构,做到最有利的说服。
2. Tone
这或许也是PS的精髓,从PS的语调中可以体现出自己的性格。自己之前看了上百篇PS,从中感受到的是,能让自己有深刻印象的,就是那些具有“性格”的PS,你可以从行文中,感受到他的积极,或者他的坚强,或者他的可爱等。
所以在写PS之前,最好先问自己一个问题:用一个词概括,你想呈现一个怎样的自己?
有的是乐观,有的坚毅,我自己给自己定位是:努力。这似乎是大部分申请者走的道路,就是首先说明自己如何不好,但是自己从未放弃,依然非常努力,然后慢慢的受到肯定。这也正是自己的成长经历。而有的申请者,走的是优秀路线,各种逐步证明自己越来越优秀。这些都行,关键是需要确定。这样才有利于PS的语调发展,从而引出的词句用法表述等。
总结:此部分的重点就是逻辑!逻辑体现在例子或能力的编排顺序上,和文章的结构中。
(三)Free Writing
这个过程没有什么具体步骤可谈,就是一有灵感,就将自己的想法写下来。不用考虑语法等任何技巧,写下来就好,然后存档。在逻辑排列时,自然会用到。
在此有条建议:每个学校对PS的要求不同,
有的学校(通常学校综排很高)对PS的要求比较General,分为A类,比如WUSTL:
Submission of a professional statement that discusses significant factors influencing your decision to pursue a Master in Social Work degree. Your essay should include information regarding career goals and leadership experiences that will contribute to your success as a graduate student and in the social work profession. Please include why the Brown School is a good fit for your educational goals. Essay should be two pages long, single spacing and 12-point font.
有的学校(通常综排一般,专排不错)对PS要求比较Specific,分为B类,比如FSU:
1)Discuss the major reasons for your interest in the profession of social work.
2)Describe any experience that you have had in working in a helping capacity to serve people in either paid or volunteer position. Share the length of time, population, the type of setting and discuss your personal strengths and limitations in these roles.
3)What personal traits and/or abilities do you possess that facilitate your understanding of people with differences in gender, race, ethnicity, religion, disabilities, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic status? Give a brief example of your experience with people who are different from you.
4)Discuss a personal or professional situation where you were challenged to look at an issue from another person’s viewpoint. What was the outcome?
自己综合比较下来,写PS的时候,是A类比B类更好写,因为个人发挥空间较大,而且不会纠结于一些细节问题而回答不上来。但是,如果一开始自己对专业不太了解,没有思路,建议不妨先考虑B类学校的PS,这样有利于帮助自己打开思路,调整逻辑,反正同领域里要求的general能力都一样。想好B类问题再写A类的时候,也会得心应手。
比如自己,本科不是社工,对社工了解不多。如果一开始就思考WUSTL的PS问题,自己一点没有思路,而且想不到重点。所以一开始,我是根据FSU的PS要求思考问题的,那不仅够具体,而且非常具有引导作用。等把FSU的问题思考完,free write完,再写WUSTL就容易很多,也有自己发挥的余地。
总结:此部分就是想和写,别怕麻烦。很多点子,以后对于其他学校的PS也适用。
(四)Re-think + Revise etc
这个部分,贯穿整个PS的写作,有点心力交瘁的感觉,但值得。
A Re-think
这个过程,不用说,依然是(二)中提到的逻辑思考证明,想好如何证明自己更有说服力。同样,这部分需要以(一)大部分为最大前提,无论是从自己还是他人获得Idea,在这个部分就会在关键时刻帮到自己。
建议是:留给自己一个比较长的时间,慢慢思考。
比如自己,当时每天的思路都不一样,有时在外面玩,就会迸发出一种新的PS思路,从一开始完全感性派,又到优秀派,又到坚毅派,又到乐观派,前后PS的风格完全不同,从而导致的遣词造句也大为不同。经过4个月的更改和思考,最终才确定为努力派,因为这个最忠实于自己,逻辑证明起来也最容易,因为本身自己就是这样发展的。
B. Revise
1. 自我修改
这个是整个修改PS的重点。可以让别人修改,但重点还是自己。只有自己最清楚自己。当然,这项做好的前提是,透彻完成了前(一)(二)(三)步,否则这步提高不大。
当然,这个部分,非常耗时耗力。那学期平日需要上课,在周末或没课的时候,有时自己每天早上7点到自习室,除去中午和下午吃饭时间,就基本全天呆在自习室修改PS,到晚上11点才走。但是这样间隔性几天,当天连续性修改的效果很好。
而除了确定良好的逻辑结构之后,就需要进行遣词造句:
1)有的单词,需要查其许多近义词,才可以确定一个最好最地道的用法;
2)很多单句,需要重新整合,合成一个具有逻辑的复合句;
3)一个复合句子,又要通过无数次整合,保证它前后文的流利性和连贯度;
4)段落与文章间的Transmission也需要仔细斟酌,再次确认逻辑证明。
可以给大家一个截图,看看修改前后的效果:这是仅仅一个月间修改WUSTL的PS截图,每次有比较大的改动,自己就保存一个文档:。。。不晓得如何在寄托上上传图片
下面以修改WUSTL的PS不同时期的开头做个对比:
1)刚开始的感性派开头:
I am a lover of laughter and a companion of endeavor. I look up to everything and down at nothing. My life is a tangled web of emotions, experiences, and externalities, a smorgasbord for the senses. Rejoiced from the sunshine grown out of shattered debris, I have sold my soul to embrace the cactus on my beloved and longing land.
可以看出,开头很含蓄,很文艺,还自认很好,但对于Master,还是需要更理智的写法
2)后续修改为感性+理性派,但文章没有做遣词造句的修改:
Not since I had first volunteer experience in my first year in college did I recognize this fascinating domain amazingly appealed to my compassionate and passionate nature. Social work for me is a perfectly marvelous blend of both compassion and profession. Having overcome the hardships in my life empowers me the courage and determination to make a difference, and longing to professionally bring positive changes for the vulnerable people and society imperfections motivates me to become a qualified licensed social worker in the future.
可以看出,每个句子都非常的长。因为当时自己确定了行文逻辑,但没有来得及在句法上修改。这样长串的句子,让人读起来很不舒服,从一开始就失去了观众。
3)这是在逻辑和遣词造句修改后的最终版:
It was not until my first cathartic crying session at a psychologist’s office when I was nineteen that I realized despite the drawbacks we encounter in our lives, we can overcome them and utilize our experiences and lessons to heal the wounds of many others. Blending compassion with professional care in the field of social work is a marvelous vehicle for the recognition and reconstruction of the imperfections we may face. At this point of my life, I strongly desire to pursue a Master of Social Work degree and work to become a licensed social worker in the future.
自我修改完的感觉是,行文逻辑清晰了很多,而且在遣词造句上也精准了一些。
这就是自己PS修改中,一个自然段的大致变化,而每个自然段也都是根据这个方法逐步修改,直至最后成为整篇PS的跟新。这个过程是很麻烦,需要天天对着电脑,而且有时才思枯竭。但是自己是有能力完成的,大家都有能力完成!不要怕。
2. 他人修改
当时自己的好友G给了一个很好的建议,说让三个人帮自己修改PS:
1)完全了解自己的人:看他是否觉得,自己的优点和能力包括性格等,已经完全在PS中展示了,还有哪方面应该展示的能力而没展示?
2)完全了解专业的人:比如我申请MSW,那么就请MSW的教授看,自己的PS是否展现了专业内要求的能力等?
3)完全了解英语的人:让他看是否自己的PS,有清晰的逻辑结构,和地道英语的表达?
注:在这里,非常不建议同学找中国的英文老师修改。自己的英语专业,找过外教和Chinese English Teacher,最大差别在于:Chinese English Teacher帮自己改语法,改词语,整个PS都标注了慢慢的记号,但说实话,那本质提高比并不大。因为一些语法和语句,只要自己用心,也完全可以修改。相反,外教不会帮自己改PS,每次只说行文逻辑,并明确指出Chinglish的用法,最重要的是,他们会以真正美式的眼光去判定一篇文章,这或许帮助更大。
从这里隐射出来的问题就是,找怎样的文书修改机构修改?同样的,最好的Native Speaker,而不是权威,资深Chinese English Writer。真正PS的修改,需要的思想,不是语言,因为思想大于语言!
当时自己并没有遵循这个原则,但是确实将自己的PS拿给许多人修改,在此也要对他们表示衷心的感谢!其中包括了
1)几位WUSTL和其他学校学MSW的学姐。她们修改的非常细致,给的意见非常具有价值,指出的错误也是自己的致命伤。自己主要通过各种network联系到她们,也厚着脸皮让她们帮自己修改,还好,她们都很热心,非常非常感激!!
2)学校里的外教。包括文中提到的高写外教Ann还有其他几位美国的外教,他们的建议就是思路上的建议,行文逻辑。
3)之前在美国教MSW的老师和同学。他们给的建议都是MSW专业内的,让我知道这个专业到底需要怎样的人,怎样的能力。
4)非常了解自己的老师。让她们看是否PS把一个真实的自我展现出来了。
总之,非常感谢所有人对我帮助!!现在,自己也希望,通过自己PS写作的总结,加之学习四年英语写作的经验,写下这份长篇大论的PS分享,对大家今后的PS乃至作文有所帮助吧!同时,如果有需要的同学,不嫌弃的话,也可以通过我下方的联系方式,将自己的PS传给我,我不能在语法上等进行全文修改,但可以就思路和逻辑而言提供一些参考。
只要一开始我们找到自己,清楚自己是谁,从何而来,将要走向何方,自己的梦想是什么,那么PS写作并不可怕!!希望大家顺利完成申请!拿到大大的OFFER!!
以上观点有很多不足,主观,片面的地方,还请各位多多见谅!最重要的是,具体情况,具体分析~~ = )
By Xi Yang (Joy Yang)
联系方式
QQ:1158815967
Weibo:joy_yang1990
个人博客主页(原文地址):http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/2468697730
附:最近在准备专八,4月再跟新(四)CV(五)推荐信版块
*版主arcyoung注*
虽然楼主没有没有接受我的采访而是自己贴出自己的经验
但还是将这个帖子归类在我们2013寄托访谈系列里面了
便于大家搜查管理 感谢楼主这么花心思的来和我们深入探讨
申请的话题 祝楼主在温暖的南部过得充实开心
另外见文书写作心得(上)
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1510897-1-1.html
以及申请总结之选校与考试
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1499874-1-1.html
简历与推荐信心得
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1586466-1-1.html |
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总评分: 寄托币 + 60
声望 + 23
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