issue91 check please!

fortitudesagUID: 139374

请特别注意论证方面的缺陷，谢谢！！
91. "Most people think that their deeply held values are the result of rational choice, but reason often has little to do with the way people form values."

12:07
The statement above put a question in front of us: are values of everyone a reasonable one or the opposite?  In my opinion, people have a chance, though it seems difficult, to stand their values on the result of rational choice.

As for the formation of values, we must take into consider this term of culture due to its undeletable effects on values. As many experts in field of sociological research believe, culture of all sorts functions a lot in the process of formation of values. Values are developed through various stages when one grows up. In the childhood, the children in one culture would play with others in the cirsumstance similar to those who are older than their in the same culture. When the children go to school, they would accept education from the educators who would like most to teach their students to be like their heroes or heroines of their culture. As the most people believe, the stages mentioned above are the most important stages in the development of any individuals and in these stages, the learners have the slightest judgmental ability and usually accept the ideas instilled on them. Therefore, culture plays an important role in the formation of values. Furthermore, due to the variety of cultures in different countries, people from different cultures would hold different values which are developed in the stages they could not use their rational choice.

However, we must confess that some people could change their values actively through their labor on practicing reasonable methods. Darwin, one famous scientist in England, claims that natural selection plays an unchangeable role in the process of evolution, which puts the effects from external conditions on the progress of any things to a higher plateau. Similarly, education pressed on the learners also functions well in the development of anyone and fosters their ability on reasoning. As a result, though values have been developed in their early stages, education behind these stages would still shape and hone one's values. For example, I was introverted and humble even in my secondary school and I hold the opinion that my future was dark and fraught with obstacles. After I entered the college, I was enlightened by some new opinions and started to change my opinions concerning the whole world. To my surprise, the world has become brighter than before, and I find myself gradually a little optimistic and extraverted. Similarly, not a few my classmates have the similar experience to me. To sum up, through a period of actively practice, people would have a chance to change their values as the result of rational choice.

Admittedly, changing values after they have been developed, though possible, might be quite hard. Changing one's values is akin to the alteration of different societies. Once new society would be substituted for an old one, a fierce war is inevitable as a symbol of conflicts between diverse hierarchies. Similarly, when one new idea would be accepted by some people, there would be a fierce discrepancy in the mind of them between the new one and old one. Therefore, changing one's values would be still difficult just as the alteration of different societies is.

To conclude, as far as I am concerned, though most people's values are not reasonable one and the alteration of them is difficult, people also could change their values as the result of rational choice. The future is bright, but the road to it is filled with twists and turns.

(560 words）


13:01

木耳UID: 123036

晚上还有课,没时间改了.
晚上再说吧.
可去哪里上网呢?唉

春 节UID: 146646

斑竹大人辛苦了:)
致敬哈……

genie05UID: 30358

春节MM也跑过来了：）
呵呵，干脆水版都搬过来最好。^_^

genie05UID: 30358

91. "Most people think that their deeply held values are the result of rational choice, but reason often has little to do with the way people form values."

12:07
The statement above put a question in front of us: are values of everyone a reasonable one or the opposite? In my opinion, people have a chance, though it seems difficult, to stand their values on the result of rational choice.主题论点是人的VALUE可以是the result of rational choice.（有一定的限制程度下）

As for the formation of values, we must take into consider this term of culture due to its undeletable effects on values. As many experts in field of sociological research believe, culture of all sorts functions a lot in the process of formation of values. Values are developed through various stages when one grows up. In the childhood, the children in one culture would play with others in the cirsumstance（拼写错误） similar to those who are older than their in the same culture. （语法）When the children go to school, they would accept education from the educators who would like most to teach their students to be like their heroes or heroines of their culture. As the most people believe, the stages mentioned above are the most important stages in the development of any individuals and in these stages, the learners have the slightest judgmental ability and usually accept the ideas instilled on them. Therefore, culture plays an important role in the formation of values. Furthermore, due to the variety of cultures in different countries, people from different cultures would hold different values which are developed in the stages they could not use their rational choice.（最后一个句子如果没有详细的说明建议到前面一个就截止）
这个段落你要表达的是CULTURE的对VALUE的作用。不过建议可以稍微扩展比如延伸到不同的生活环境背景等。

However, we must confess that some people could change their values actively through their labor on practicing reasonable methods.（举例子之前可以给一个引导词，IVY这个写得不错） Darwin, one famous scientist in England, claims that natural selection plays an unchangeable role in the process of evolution, which puts the effects from external conditions on the progress of any things to a higher plateau. Similarly, education pressed on the learners also functions well in the development of anyone and fosters their ability on reasoning. As a result, though values have been developed in their early stages, education behind these stages would still shape and hone one's values. For example, I was introverted and humble even in my secondary school and I hold the opinion that my future was dark and fraught with obstacles. After I entered the college, I was enlightened by some new opinions and started to change my opinions concerning the whole world. To my surprise, the world has become brighter than before, and I find myself gradually a little optimistic and extraverted. （后半个句子通顺吗？）Similarly, not a few my classmates have the similar experience to me（AS ME？TO ME？）. To sum up, through a period of actively practice, people would have a chance to change their values as the result of rational choice. （关于这个through their labor on practicing reasonable methods.在你用Darwin当例子的时候体现的不是很明显，还有就是这个段落比较长，而你在中间好象又提出了一个不完全相同的分论点，建议分段，而且单纯的堆砌了现象没有你转变的原因深层的东西，说服力不强）

Admittedly, changing values after they have been developed, though possible, might be quite hard. Changing one's values is akin to the alteration of different societies. Once new society would be substituted for an old one, a fierce war is inevitable as a symbol of conflicts between diverse hierarchies. Similarly, when one new idea would be accepted by some people, there would be a fierce discrepancy in the mind of them between the new one and old one. Therefore, changing one's values would be still difficult just as the alteration of different societies is.（这个段落要表达的意思和文章的中心people have a chance, though it seems difficult, to stand their values on the result of rational choice.有什么联系？）

To conclude, as far as I am concerned, though most people's values are not reasonable one and the alteration of them is difficult, people also could change their values as the result of rational choice. The future is bright, but the road to it is filled with twists and turns.（最后一个句子写在这里没有意义，不是中文作文）

整体感觉就是偏题或者说叫没有扣住你自己的论点。建议你用中文把自己的分论点和论点列出来再思考一下。
还有就是这两天好象有人写了同样的TOPIC，建议你也看一看。

fortitudesagUID: 139374

谢谢ginie05的批改！！
这是我的反馈：
1、and I find myself gradually a little optimistic and extraverted. （后半个句子通顺吗？）---------我的结构是：谓语+宾语+宾补（形容词）
2、classmates have the similar experience to me（AS ME？TO ME？）.-------------
从词霸：
be similar to
与...相似, 类似于...
similar
adj. 相像的，相似的；近似的
My new dress is similar to the one you have.
我的新衣服和你的那件相似。
the same as
同(某某)一样的.
3、而且单纯的堆砌了现象没有你转变的原因深层的东西，说服力不强）----------我不很理解什么是深层的东西，是rational choice吗？
4、我列的提纲：（反对，有让步）
主题：人们可以改变价值观，尽管很难。
1、 价值观在童年时期已形成。
2、教育可以改变人生观，价值观。举达尔文进化论的例子，和我自己的例子。
3、让步，价值观改变有难度。听说让步可以体现思想广度。

5、为那个拼写错误道歉。
6、我发现我在语言和论证有矛盾，注意语言的时候就不容易注意论证的精密，可能还是水平有限，提高了就好了。
谢谢帮助！！

genie05UID: 30358

谢谢ginie05的批改！！

genie   :)

1、and I find myself gradually a little optimistic and extraverted. （后半个句子通顺吗？）---------我的结构是：谓语+宾语+宾补（形容词）

当时没有理解，不好意思。

2、classmates have the similar experience to me（AS ME？TO ME？）.-------------
从词霸：
be similar to
与...相似, 类似于...
similar
adj. 相像的，相似的；近似的
My new dress is similar to the one you have.
我的新衣服和你的那件相似。
the same as
同(某某)一样的.

谢谢。

3、而且单纯的堆砌了现象没有你转变的原因深层的东西，说服力不强）----------我不很理解什么是深层的东西，是rational choice吗？

我自己也表达不太好，就是说你的例子应该是可以突出你要论证的东西的，但是在这里你没有明显的表达或者说强调出来。

4、我列的提纲：（反对，有让步）
主题：人们可以改变价值观，尽管很难。
1、 价值观在童年时期已形成。
2、 教育可以改变人生观，价值观。举达尔文进化论的例子，和我 自己的例子。
3、让步，价值观改变有难度。听说让步可以体现思想广度。

关于让步的问题，你问几个斑竹给你的答案应该都不一样。所以自己认为让步好就用吧。不过你第一段表达的是 价值观在童年时期已形成。？我理解的是你那个是将CULTURE对形成VALUE的作用或影响。而儿童是一个例子。

5、为那个拼写错误道歉。

谁都会错啊 ：）

6、我发现我在语言和论证有矛盾，注意语言的时候就不容易注意论证的精密，可能还是水平有限，提高了就好了。

你已经很牛了啦! ^0^

fortitudesagUID: 139374

谢谢你详细的修改，我还是不会引用，就这么写吧！
不过你第一段表达的是 价值观在童年时期已形成。？我理解的是你那个是将CULTURE对形成VALUE的作用或影响。而儿童是一个例子。-------------我本以为是一样的，看来是不明确。

木耳UID: 123036

不好意思,我食言了.马上看一下.

木耳UID: 123036

1 文化对价值观的形成至关重要

只是举儿童的例子似乎有些片面了.我认为一种文化对一个社会中人群的影响是全方位的,绝不仅限于儿童.

而且你仔细思考deeply held values 的含义.深信不疑的价值,或者说信仰信念.一个没上初中的小孩子连自我意识都还没有形成,我想deeply held values 是很难讲的.他们有的概念大多只是好人与坏人,善良与邪恶.我想中世纪的人都相信地球是平的可以说成是deeply held values.

2 人们会在主动的改变他们的价值观

你举了自己的经历作为例子.但这里还有一个问题:deeply held values 的外延有多宽?你的自信心可以包括在内吗?我不敢肯定,这个问题还值得商榷.

3 价值观的改变和社会的变迁做类比

我觉得不是很合适.

社会制度的变迁最重要的事牵扯到既得利益者的利益,所以他们会反对变革.而values更多的是一种精神层面的东西,两相类比本身就
有些问题.

再从改变的过程来考虑,我认为价值观的改变一定是从内到外的,也就是说必须当事人自己的蜕变才能解决问题,new ones和old ones在那里吵架好像觉着不大对劲

fortitudesagUID: 139374

谢谢木耳！！
我承认issue题目都存在争议，有些问题是值得商榷，但我们还得写，而且还得有鲜明的观点，外延和内涵我是把握不好，难啊！是不是应该多了解西方文化，那可是慢功！没希望了！
我只是认为对某事有自己的看法和价值观，直接表述了，再举自己支持的例子。类比或说打比方是我平常的习惯，平时就没严格的考虑，只是类似就用了。我慢慢注意吧！
谢谢指教！！

木耳UID: 123036

无论是思维习惯方式还是个人背景,抑或是性格经历,人与人之间都有很大的差距,所以对一个问题的看法也就不同.很多时候谈不上谁对谁错,只是出发点不同,观察的角度不同而已.

我的观点只代表我的观点,并不一定就是对的.只是大家都把自己的看法讲出来,以形成一种讨论的氛围,在其中大家会收获到更多.

集思广益总是好的.