求作文互改 在不互改我就要死了

冬天好冷啊UID: 3424818

有没有人要和我一起作文互改的啊，我看到托福板块的作文互改做的挺好的，有人愿意和我一起互改吗。
谢谢啦

Albert_zhanUID: 3219388

你直接贴出来吧，我已经考完了，有空就上来帮你改改。

hbobbyUID: 3400671

同意，直接贴出来

冬天好冷啊UID: 3424818

大拜楼上的好人  明天就贴

hbobbyUID: 3400671

冬天好冷啊 发表于 2013-3-27 20:33
大拜楼上的好人  明天就贴

说好的作文呢？

冬天好冷啊UID: 3424818

Last Month, I Have suffered a lot to choose a major, which may decide my feature career. During this process, I found that woman may not suit to do some job, from which I means in some jobs, the gender is an important factor.

For example, my dream career is being a conservator of ocean animal, while after search information in Baidu.com, a very popular search web in China, I rarely found a similar job for women. Since in most cases, the workers or researchers in ships are  men in China, a woman, especially the woman who is in pregnancy or in menstruate, is always fell inconvenient in ships. Not only the job on oceangoing ships, but also the jobs which required power, those kinds of jobs are jobs women hard to do well. The opposite is right, too. Some jobs welcome women rather than men, like wife, if wife is a career.

But any thing has exceptions. Many people say that C++ language is difficult to women, and women will find they could not win men even thought they try very hard. But my friend tang is an exception. She did really well in any field related to computer science. From this example, we know that many factors also should be considered, like interest, passion, IQ and so on, even though gender is a vital factor. What’s more in my opinion, interest and IQ are also in some way related to gender. We could not ignore that most girl and boy have different hobbies when they still young, which shows that in most cases, when a girl grows up, she is less likely to have interest and passion in the positions suitable for men.

So, I argue with that different gender have different qualities which lead to women and man may not suitable to do some certain jobs, but I should say that nothing is curved in the stone, sometimes, a woman, or a man can perform excellent in the field, which has thought be suitable for the opposite gender, And thanks to it, It's the exception lead to a colorful and amazing world  filled with surprise.

冬天好冷啊UID: 3424818

hbobby 发表于 2013-4-1 17:06
说好的作文呢？

嗯  我犯错了  我是推演鬼
作文的题目是 ：是不是有些工作只适合女的或只适合男的

蓝莓花裤衩UID: 3377307

可以跟帖吗？在帮改大作文里面贴出作文木有音讯鸟…………

hbobbyUID: 3400671

Albert_zhan 发表于 2013-3-27 11:51
你直接贴出来吧，我已经考完了，有空就上来帮你改改。

快出来改，答应了别人的

hbobbyUID: 3400671

冬天好冷啊 发表于 2013-4-3 11:58
嗯  我犯错了  我是推演鬼
作文的题目是 ：是不是有些工作只适合女的或只适合男的

话说我只是想把帖子炒起来，我作文水平也不高……前年考的雅思，现在都忘了。看了一下LZ的作文，不知今天怎么删掉了。没人顶我就先提提我的建议吧……拙见拙见……

楼主要注意单复数，可能是电脑打字的时候忘了或是怎么，但是你考试的时候一定要注意这个问题；楼主需要补一下词汇，没有能亮瞎考官的词，有个硬伤就是通篇都是women这个词，大作文一个必掌握的技能就是同义互换（在提到某些论点，比如说一些日常工作安排，例如秘书类资讯类的工作我们就更喜欢聘用一些专业培训过的office lady，female students）；还有就是可能我看的话会觉得论点不是特别的有力，需要加强。

hbobbyUID: 3400671

蓝莓花裤衩 发表于 2013-4-3 13:17
可以跟帖吗？在帮改大作文里面贴出作文木有音讯鸟…………

你可以和楼主互改啊，我英语水平也不高，我负责把此贴炒起来，希望有人帮你们，有作文就贴出来，我有空也来提提意见。

hbobbyUID: 3400671

冬天好冷啊 发表于 2013-4-3 11:58
嗯  我犯错了  我是推演鬼
作文的题目是 ：是不是有些工作只适合女的或只适合男的

楼主不要觉得不好意思，这都是一群连你名字性别相貌都不知道的人，勇敢地贴出来，下面不有一人也要改作文吗，你们可以互改

蓝莓花裤衩UID: 3377307

Some people think that the development in agriculture,such as factory farming and creation of new types of vegetables,has brought us more benefit than problems.to what extend do u agree or disagree?

Agriculture at present time has made hugh stride .However ,people still hold mixed views on whether human has profited from it.
I tend to believe that such breakthrough in agriculture field is beneficial to human society.Take factory farming as an example.Agriculture equipment brings farmers more leisure time since the machine are able to complete farming tasks in less time compared with farmers used to spend.This advance not only liberates farmers from laborious and repetitive work,the outcome is inceasingly multiplied as the facilities boost productivity as well.Therefore ,agricultural company are able to meet the rising demanding from market at lower cost.
Additionally,the emergence of green food ,to some extend ,lower the rate of juvenile obesity.The youngster would rather have fast food as fried chicken or hamburger instead of green vegetables because of the taste,that could be bitter for them.Too much calorie and less or even no vitamin are proved to be linked with obesity .Technology improves the flavor of vegetables though transforming in their gene makeup,and therefore they are more welcomed by the market,especially the youth.More balanced diet,as a consequence,offer people a healthier life.
However,the rapid revolution in agriculture arouse the public’s anxiety about food safety.Chemical compound used as fertilizer to promote procuctivity are assumed to contaminate corps as well as land.What’s more disturbing ,such pollution will still affect production even several decade.
It’s true that appropriate method applied in farming can cause healthy problem.From a large extend,reasonable regulation and inspection on cultivation can solve the problem smoothly .Only in this way can we enjoy a better quality of life.

求指导~~~~~~~~~~~~

冬天好冷啊UID: 3424818

hbobby 发表于 2013-4-4 16:42
楼主不要觉得不好意思，这都是一群连你名字性别相貌都不知道的人，勇敢地贴出来，下面不有一人也要改作文 ...

奇怪了 我贴出来了啊  却没看到
Last Month, I Have suffered a lot to choose a major, which may decide my feature career. During this process, I found that woman may not suit to do some job, from which I means in some jobs, the gender is an important factor.

For example, my dream career is being a conservator of ocean animal, while after search information in Baidu.com, a very popular search web in China, I rarely found a similar job for women. Since in most cases, the workers or researchers in ships are  men in China, a woman, especially the woman who is in pregnancy or in menstruate, is always fell inconvenient in ships. Not only the job on oceangoing ships, but also the jobs which required power, those kinds of jobs are jobs women hard to do well. The opposite is right, too. Some jobs welcome women rather than men, like wife, if wife is a career.

But any thing has exceptions. Many people say that C++ language is difficult to women, and women will find they could not win men even thought they try very hard. But my friend tang is an exception. She did really well in any field related to computer science. From this example, we know that many factors also should be considered, like interest, passion, IQ and so on, even though gender is a vital factor. What’s more in my opinion, interest and IQ are also in some way related to gender. We could not ignore that most girl and boy have different hobbies when they still young, which shows that in most cases, when a girl grows up, she is less likely to have interest and passion in the positions suitable for men.

So, I argue with that different gender have different qualities which lead to women and man may not suitable to do some certain jobs, but I should say that nothing is curved in the stone, sometimes, a woman, or a man can perform excellent in the field, which has thought be suitable for the opposite gender, And thanks to it, It's the exception lead to a colorful and amazing world  filled with surprise.

hbobbyUID: 3400671

蓝莓花裤衩 发表于 2013-4-5 23:13
Some people think that the development in agriculture,such as factory farming and creation of new ty ...

不错啊，目测6.5分水准，稳住的话考试应该不成问题了，想考高点就多看看雅思的高分作文，主要差距我看来就是句子的精炼吧。最开始写雅思作文的时候我们都会为了凑够字数把句子写的很长，不停地使用从句，对某些名词进行解释，所以很像一种闲聊的方式，一种叙事的感觉。这篇作文我没觉得句子有冗长、累赘或者反复。但是想拿高分的话，我看到的高分作文逻辑性很强，议论性很强，有一种学术性的感觉。你如果玩人人网的话，可以关注里面的雅思公共主页，会不定期地贴出高分作文供大家膜拜