issue150 偶写的烂希望大家不要笑偶

ericjeff71UID: 137891

偶一上电脑就晕，好句用不出来。

"Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

With the swift development of modern industry and sophisticated technology, this era has witnessed the marvelous improvement of our everyday lives. As a result, a lot of miracles have shown up to make human beings live in a more comfortable and convenient world, the invention of television and computer is just the one among them. However, there are still many controversies surrounding the question of whether television and internet which have become the essential part of our lives and played an important role in broadening our sights and enlarging the knowledge of mankind’s will affect the tourism which seems to be giving way to these products of the advanced science. Unfortunately, while we are focusing our attention on the merits of television and virtues of computer, we ignore the advantages of tourism that the former does not possess.


Admittedly, with the introduction of the television and computer, the whole society of humanity has been changed considerably. Anyone of our community have realized and can assert without any exaggeration that we cannot live without them which have become necessities we rely on to entertain and release our tensions of everyday life. Nobody does not watch television and surf Internet nowadays. Owing to them, we acquired numerous things and got access to many places that otherwise we will never have a chance to go before. Sitting in front of television is equal to make a visual traveling. Today’s teenagers are much more smart and knowledgeable than us in old times when television and computer is not available. What is more, "traveling" through television and Internet is faster and cheaper, whereas tourism means you have to spend most time on train or plane whose tickets will definitely cost us much money.

However, television and computer is not perfect enough as we might have thought. Though we are able to catch sight of images with the help them, we cannot perceive things holistically. All we can do is watching or typing which is proved to be bored in the long run. Losing other communication with except viewing the place we are "visiting" by means of these sophisticated tools, we will never have a chance of rendering a question and expressing our feelings. Further, indulgent in television and computer connection too long will hurt our health for sure. A large number of people in the contemporary world are near-sighted due to watching television. in Germany, innumerable teenagers who lost basic capability of communicating in the real world and whose behaviors are absurd are those who have been addicted to internet.

By contrast, however, with the aid of tourism, we can approach to the nature more easily without any hurt to our wholesomeness but boosting our health. During the tourism we can go wherever freely and contact with local people readily, which makes us understand the local culture deeply. And since the enhancement of individuals' lives, people are becoming richer than ever which will give rise to and induce the flourish of modern tourism. A case in point is that the number of the traveler is increasing by year. In china, it is reported that, especially during the festivals, there so many people getting out of their homes or even country to experience what cannot be gotten by television and computer.

In sum, the prosperity of the modern tools of tourism will surely compensate its flaw and the booming of the computer connection and television will also in turn induce the development of the tourism for the reason that people who are acquaint with those places through television will most likely to have an impulse to further understand them. In addition, the competition between television and Internet and tourism will also be favorable to and led to the further improvement of the truism, thus the relationship between them is not the contradiction but the reinforcement.

fortitudesagUID: 139374

With the swift development of modern industry and sophisticated technology, this era has witnessed the marvelous improvement of our everyday lives. As a result, a lot of miracles have shown up to make human beings live in a more comfortable and convenient world, the invention of television and computer is just the one among them(两句话不能只用逗号相连）. However, there are still many controversies surrounding the question of whether television and internet which have become the essential part of our lives and played an important role in broadening our sights and enlarging the knowledge of mankind's will affect the tourism which seems to be giving way to these products of the advanced science. Unfortunately, while we are focusing our attention on the merits of television and virtues of computer, we ignore the advantages of tourism that the former does not possess.


Admittedly, with the introduction of the television and computer, the whole society of humanity has been changed considerably. Anyone of our community have （has）realized and can assert without any exaggeration that we cannot live without them which have become necessities we rely on to entertain and release our tensions of everyday life（用rely on .... so much that we would live without them 更好吧？） . Nobody does not watch television and surf Internet nowadays.（太绝了，瞎子怎么办？） Owing to them, we acquired numerous things and got access to many places that otherwise we will never have a chance to go before. Sitting in front of television is equal to make a visual traveling. Today's teenagers are much more smart and knowledgeable than us in old times（than what we did) when television and computer is not available. What is more, "traveling" through television and Internet is faster and cheaper, whereas tourism means you have to spend most time on train or plane whose tickets will definitely cost us much money.

However, television and computer is not perfect enough as we might have thought. Though we are able to catch sight of images with the help them(语病？）, we cannot perceive things holistically. All we can do is watching or typing which is proved to be bored in the long run. Losing other communication with except viewing the place we are "visiting" by means of these sophisticated tools, we will never have a chance of rendering a question and expressing our feelings. Further, indulgent in television and computer connection too long will hurt our health for sure. A large number of people in the contemporary world are near-sighted due to watching television. in Germany, innumerable teenagers who lost basic capability of communicating in the real world and whose behaviors are absurd are those who have been addicted to internet.

By contrast, however, with the aid of tourism, we can approach to the nature more easily without any hurt to our wholesomeness but boosting our health. During the tourism we can go wherever freely and contact with local people readily, which makes us understand the local culture deeply. And since the enhancement of individuals' lives, people are becoming richer than ever which will give rise to and induce the flourish of modern tourism. A case in point is that the number of the traveler is increasing by year. In china, it is reported that, especially during the festivals, there so many people getting out of their homes or even country to experience what cannot be gotten by television and computer.

In sum, the prosperity of the modern tools of tourism will surely compensate its flaw and the booming of the computer connection and television will also in turn induce the development of the tourism for the reason that people who are acquaint with those places through television will (be)most likely to have an impulse to further understand them. In addition, the competition between television and Internet and tourism will also be favorable to and led to the further improvement of the truism(拼写错）, thus the relationship between them is not the contradiction but the reinforcement.

imongUID: 140258

However, there are still many controversies surrounding the question of whether television and internet which have become the essential part of our lives and played an important role in broadening our sights and enlarging the knowledge of mankind’s will affect the tourism which seems to be giving way to these products of the advanced science.这句话这样写，读起来是要死人的，注意断句！比如说：the question of whether television ,which … ,(这里不要用and，and这个词，避免滥用)… and …， will…，which...
Unfortunately, while we are focusing our attention on the merits of television and virtues of computer, we ignore the advantages of tourism that the former does not possess. 这句话只能算是陈述现象（你认为的现象），不是提出论点。所以我看不出来你的论点是什么。

Admittedly, with the introduction of the television and computer, the whole society of humanity has been changed considerably （has changed，没有been）

Nobody does not watch television and surf Internet nowadays. 好像应该是There is nobody who …，而且fort也说了，盲人怎么办？

Today’s teenagers are much more smart and knowledgeable than us in old times （这里没有表达出来那种平行的比较）when television and computer is not available.这个论据……不是特别有力。

In china, it is reported that, especially during the festivals, there（动词呢？） so many people getting out of their homes or even country to experience what cannot be gotten by television and computer.

没有做最详细的改动，只挑了几个最明显的毛病。

注意一下断句，还有从句的使用，要尽量使得合适，不要过多，同时该用的时候一定要用出来。用词还可以，没有太多纰漏，论证的观点比较平淡，不过应该也差不多可以吧。原来有一篇这个题目的文章写得很好，应该是在习题库里（估计是已经收录进去了，那篇文章写的公认不错，这一点记得很清楚。），自己去找一下做个参考。

而且，跟每个新人都要说的是：希望你多多参与这里的讨论，交流拓展思路，给别人的文章提提意见，不要有“怕mislead别人”之类的顾虑，参与和交流会帮助自己提高的，帮助别人也帮助自己。助人者人助之，当初feier的issue170后面跟了30多个回复就是最好的例子哦。

ericjeff71UID: 137891

谢谢大家, 偶好感动...., 但是, 偶有一个写长句和用很多从句的毛病,(是跟GRE阅读学来的,那上面的句子好长,看起来很吃力.) 偶这样做是不是错了. 请指正.

imongUID: 140258

关键是不要滥用。

通篇长句或者通篇短句都会出问题，多写一写，同时看看别人的文章吧。

阅读的句子很精彩的，但是不一定全部适用。尽量体会写句子的技巧。