issue201 帮忙看看关于教育的201,期待大家的修改

52jeepUID: 135994

201 "The purpose of education should be to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas -- not to prepare them for a specific job."

这篇文章开头部分的a value system, a standard, a set of ideas具体怎么解释我拿不准，因此觉得自己的文章中对这些概念解释得有些含混不清，希望得到大家指点！
另外总觉得这篇的逻辑论证上有问题，特别是每段的主题句不好把握和概括，看看孙远和猴哥的提纲，又觉得他们都是在偷换概念，比如猴的提纲如下：
观点：agree
1．        教育的主要目的是培养一群能为社会作贡献的知识分子而不是一群工人。
2．        教育工作者应该提供学生正确的道德价值等等。。。
3．        。。。

我觉得这个提纲的1，2条基本上就是一样的而且都是在复述题目！
当然，也许这种类型的题目本来就很难写出几个旗帜鲜明而又不同的分论点吧。

下面是不才的拙文，望得到大家的斧正。谢谢！我的字数够吗？


It is undoubted that education plays a key role in nowadays highly development of global civilization and socialization. The speaker in this statement claims that educational intention is to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas rather than to prepare them for a specific job. As far as I am concerned, I fundamentally agree with his assertion as a result of the following considerations.

Above all, the most important aim of education at any level is to develop the personality of the individual and the significance of his life to himself and to others. This is the basic architecture of a life while the rest is decoration of the structure. If educators do not intend to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas but to prepare them for a specific job, the education deteriorates into training. We must distinguish the different meaning of the education and training- the former one is a general concept while the latter one is merely one part of education.

Moreover, educators should provide students correct morality, rightful virtues and ethical standard.
How students are educated today determines the destiny of society. Thus, a integrated personality, which is supposed to be trained through education,  has a profound and  positive influence on students behaviors and the future of our society. For instance, the 16th American President Lincoln attributed his successful leadership to his rightful virtues of perseverance and firmness. On the contrast ,another President Nixon’s debacle resulted from his lack of honesty. Simply put, we must be aware of the negative consequence of education lack of preparation for correct morality, rightful virtues and ethical standard. It might not only destruct the further development of a individual but even result in deterioration and crime-thereby create chaos of society.

Last but not least, only by providing students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas can our education shape society as we expected. I strongly agree that the school is a place where we learn how to learn. Things are keeping its rapid pace of changing, therefore it is hard for a set knowledge of specific job suitable for any situation. Insightful educators are enthusiastic about teaching a set of ideas-logical thinking, analysis, creative problem-solving, which could help students handle whatever life may present, including all the unknowns of the future. Students and teachers both regard pure preparation of specific job knowledge as uncreative and somewhat vulgar.

Consequently, from what has been discussed above,  we may safely arrive at the conclusion that the purpose of education should be to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas -- not to prepare them for a specific job. And we should regard education as a means of transmitting correct values and preparing new generations of citizens to function in society.

maverick1113UID: 144099

抱歉没细看,只扫了一下
感觉如下,
第一段不错,挺简洁舒畅的~~~:)
第二段也不错,当然,呵呵,你背了不少话哦~~~如果可能的话,可以引注,以防被认为是剽窃哦,你可以看一下GRE作文关于评判剽窃与否的规定,很严格,你背的这些句子我也背过,呵呵
但第三,四段有点平行,累赘了
个人以为,你同意它的观点,除了说明应该教育价值体系~~~ 还要说明为什么教育的目的不是为了培养技能,为大家工作做准备
这样,第二段与下面几段正反相成,就更有说服力了
个人之言,姑且听着吧,嘻嘻

imongUID: 140258

https://bbs.gter.net/announcement.php?s=&forumid=23

在作文版发帖子的时候，请注意到基本的格式要求。请访问上面的连接，公告里面说得很清楚了。我已经把标题给你改过来了，下次请自己注意。

52jeepUID: 135994

谢谢，我会注意PARAPHRASE的。

galaxysongUID: 152834

201 "The purpose of education should be to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas -- not to prepare them for a specific job."

我就干脆改成另一篇文章好了，就像编辑改稿一样，可能大胆了些。至于何处改动，麻烦你自己对照原文。理由一般就不说了，本来就只是个人意见。你能体会得到的才是属于你的经验，不是吗？
有些只是换了词语，未必比原来的更好，只是因为原来的感觉上似乎不太合适。不妨当作用同义词语丰富表达的参考。

The speaker claims that the goal of education is to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas rather than to prepare them for a specific job. As far as I am concerned, I fundamentally agree with his assertion due to the following considerations.

The speaker in this statement 这种表达我还没在范文中见过,觉得又重复之嫌,故删掉in this statement。
educational虽然中文解释的字面上是“教育的”，但那恐怕（我不是专家，不敢肯定）是指教育这个领域的、这个角度的，而非教育这个事物本身的组成部分。正如a map of China不能说成a Chinese map，那样意思大大不同。

Above all, the most important aim of education at any level is to develop the personality of an individual and the value of his life both to himself and to others. This is the basic architecture of a life while the rest is decoration of the structure. If educators do not intend to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas but to prepare them for a specific job, the education will degenerates into only training. We must distinguish the different meanings of the education and training -- the former is a general concept while the latter one is merely one part of education.

significance似乎只能指事情，如讲话、活动、工作、变化、一次微笑，而没有用在人和具体事物上的。

Moreover, educators should provide students morality, virtues and ethical standards. How students are educated today determines the destiny of society. Thus, an integrated personality, which is supposed to be fostered and formed through education, has a profound and positive influence on students' behaviors and the future of our society as well. For instance, the 16th American President Lincoln attributed his successful leadership to his virtues of perseverance and firmness. On the contrast, another President Nixon's debacle resulted from his lack of honesty. We must be aware of the negative consequence of education lack of preparation for correct morality, rightful virtues and ethical standard. It might not only destruct the further development of an individual but even result in deterioration and crime - thereby create chaos of society.

Simply put 是什么意思？与原句中主语we不冲突吗？
本段的第一句和倒数第二句是同样的东西，中间的论证则未免太单薄。看上去很像偷工减料的汉堡包。读者/评委关注的，不是上下两块毫无特色的“面包”，而是它们所夹的菜和肉吧。

Last but not least, only by providing students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas can education shape society as we expected. I strongly agree that school is a place where we learn how to learn. Things keep changing at an ever higher speed, therefore a set of knowledge for specific job being taught now is unlikely to be suitable for a student's future career. Insightful educators are enthusiastic about teaching a set of ideas - logical thinking, analysis, creative problem-solving, which could help students handle whatever life may present, including all the unknown challenges in the future. Aware of this, both students and teachers consider pure preparation of specific job as uncreative and somewhat vulgar.

Last but not least也是孤陋寡闻的我所没见过的，不知做何解？

Consequently, from what has been discussed above, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that the purpose of education should be to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas -- not to prepare them for a specific job. And we should regard education as a means of conveying correct values and preparing new generations of citizens to function in society.

we may safely arrive at the conclusion that又是师从何处？
总的来看，你的文章充满了题目的观点的简单重复，几乎原样照抄的。分论点彼此区别不大。论证没有展开。建议你不妨就某一个自己有认识的分论点，如“为具体工作所教的知识跟不上未来变化”，实打实地论证300字，作为加强论证的练习。
另外，贴出来之前，最好先贴到Word中，用语法检查器过滤一遍，改掉一些简单的语法错误，如a integrated personality。

galaxysongUID: 152834

52jeep你在看吗？
看过了回个帖。
我可花了不少功夫呢！这么多字……

52jeepUID: 135994

谢谢！
这篇确实写的仓促，而且逻辑上也不细。
谢谢你能帮我改！很有收获。

另外有个问题：我用的是powerprep 3.1，没有看到传说中开始的45分钟先填一些问题的内容呀？
ironically,在argument后面是verbal和数学的题，吓了我一跳的说。。。

不是开始要填学校代码吗？
着急ing
谢谢