Issue150 Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people c

LiunaUID: 150270

Issue33:"Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

During the whole human history, people keeps developing in both technology and science fields with great speed and these advancements significantly change their lives. So do the recent inventions of television and computer. At present, some people think tourism will soon become obsolete because of television and worldwide computer connections by which people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. Well, I do not agree with them.

First of all, they ignore the singular form by which the television and worldwide computer connections can supply of those places. It is well-known that we can only get information by vision and hearing from television and computers, of course some can make more vivid by their imagination, then the question is how to know if a stone found near volcanoes which are said that have existed for nearly 200 years or a tool used in an old tribe in Africa is slippery or ragged only by picture and sound? Well, if we go to visit there by our own we can easily know it. Obviously, we can see the limits of information that television and computers can transmit.

Secondly, the programs on television and worldwide computer connections are mostly made by solo people or a group of people so that they can not meet every appreciate angle of different individual. Usually, either video or explanation that comprises the programs is made according to what the program-planners think most important and appealing. Inevitably, it can not stand for all people's demands. The demand of people who have the different background may be quiet various. People who are interested in archaeology are more likely pay attention to the culture and background, while people who are interested in scenery may likely emphasize on beautiful pictures. So it is very probable that people would like to visit the place and get what them want most by themselves.

Finally, the programs on television and worldwide computer connections mainly aim at propaganda which probably are only simple introductions to those places so that intrigue great impulse to visit personally. It is common sense that people are not very eager to know the things that they even do not notice. However, the propaganda makes more and more people to notice attractive characters of the places. Consequently, create more and more opportunity of visiting.

In a word, the result that tourism will soon become obsolete because of television and worldwide computer connections is impossible. Not only the limits on singular form and solo appreciating aspect, but also the effect of them can cause many opportunities for tourism.

imongUID: 140258

请注意你手里的题号，已经有两次都是我替你改过来的了。please check this out:
https://bbs.gter.net/announcement.php?s=&forumid=23

Leave me a note if you have read and understood that. Your essay will be checked then.

LiunaUID: 150270

对不起
我没有注意到是题号有问题
非常抱歉
我在查这个题目的题号  稍等
除了题号 其他可以吧？

LiunaUID: 150270

找到。 150
我以后不会再写错了
带来的不便 再次表示抱歉

imongUID: 140258

During the whole human history, people keeps developing in both technology and science fields with great speed and these advancements significantly change their lives. So do the recent inventions of television and computer. At present, some people think tourism will soon become obsolete because of television and worldwide computer connections by which people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. Well, I do not agree with them. 最后这个论点提出的并不舒服，前面的用词存在问题，invention of television and computer这里恐怕不是of，these advancements后面最起码应该是完成时，with great speed也需要推敲（这个用法？）。

First of all, they ignore the singular form by which the television and worldwide computer connections can supply of those places. 语义表达不准，如果说“忽视了television只能以单独的形式传达”那这个句子就写错了It is well-known that we can only get information by vision and hearing from television and computers, of course some can make more vivid by their imagination, then the question is how to know if a stone found near volcanoes which are said that have existed for nearly 200 years or a tool used in an old tribe in Africa is slippery or ragged only by picture and sound? 逗号位置的断句！ 而且问题同上，句子表达有问题。Well, if we go to visit there by our own we can easily know it. Obviously, we can see the limits of information that television and computers can transmit. 这个obviously不够obvious，话没说到位。

Secondly, the programs on television and worldwide computer connections are mostly made by solo people or a group of people so that they can not meet every appreciate angle（every appreciate angle?） of different individual（s）. Usually, either video or explanation that comprises the programs is made according to what the program-planners think most important and appealing.（according to what is most important用法错误？） Inevitably, it can not stand for all people's demands. The demand(s) of people who have the different background may be quiet various（various放在这里不好，换）. People who are interested in archaeology are more likely pay attention to the culture and background, while people who are interested in scenery may likely emphasize on beautiful pictures. So it is very probable that people would like to visit the place and get what them want most by themselves.没有说清楚。到底为什么television和这种demand的多样化有联系？中间还缺必要的衔接和illustration. 例如，因为屋里太暗，所以我早点睡觉，这样说话谁都看不明白。中间缺的，就是因为屋里太暗，看书毁眼睛，灯也不太好使，找楼管也没用，晚上也不着急，作业并不多，本来就太累，明天还有事，etc. 最后出来的结论才是早点睡觉。中间skip掉，看文章的人肯定搞不明白。不要动不动inevitably，obviously，你认为obvious的东西有可能是你其实发觉难以论证的地方，不要拿obvious当救命稻草。语言上的小错误太多，句子写得也不通顺。

Finally, the programs on television and worldwide computer connections mainly aim at propaganda（propagation？） which probably are only simple introductions to those places so that intrigue（主语呢？intrigue impulse没有这种搭配） great impulse to visit personally. It is common sense that people are not very eager to know the things that they even do not notice. However, the propaganda makes more and more people to notice attractive characters of the places. Consequently, create more and more opportunity of visiting. 这一段是陈述，没有论证。However, the propaganda makes more and more people to notice attractive characters of the places. 为什么？交待了吗？那consequently的推论自然会被这样的写法weaken.

In a word, the result that tourism will soon become obsolete because of television and worldwide computer connections is impossible. Not only the limits on singular form and solo appreciating aspect, but also the effect of them can cause many opportunities for tourism.

语言上用词组句有很多问题，要尽量增加阅读，提高语感，同时注意总结容易犯错误的地方。论证水平较差，这篇文章有人写过，去习题库自己找找。然后回去看看范文的论证，着重看论点的提出和论点的说明，自己分析分析人家如何支持自己的论点的。

希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。尤其是提点结构上和想法上的建议。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到网友和斑竹的关注哦.

LiunaUID: 150270

感谢斑竹
发现了很多不足
祝 斑竹 天天快乐 ：）

LiunaUID: 150270

It is well-known that we can only get information by vision and hearing from television and computers, of course some can make more vivid by their imagination, then the question is how to know if a stone found near volcanoes which are said that have existed for nearly 200 years or a tool used in an old tribe in Africa is slippery or ragged only by picture and sound? 逗号位置的断句！
请斑竹帮忙指点一下 逗号正确的应该怎么用？
谢先

imongUID: 140258

It is .. computers. 这里是句号。一个句子成分已经写全了
后面两个都可以独立成句，如果要连起来那个then改成yet，前后用连词。

去精华区找一下The element of style，文法的规范。

LiunaUID: 150270

多谢 斑竹