ISSUE30 坚持maverick 坚持dismiss模版 大家来改改吧:)

maverick1113UID: 144099

The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."

If the primary goal of technological advancement were to increase people’s efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time, then one day we would become so free from all kinds of work that we might memorize those past days fraught with tiredness, aspiration, boredom and excitement. Actually, the world is witnessing tremendous progress in every aspect of our life every day; however, people become much busier then ever. This phenomenon is the best proof to destroy the issue. And we should ask ourselves very seriously what is the ultimate goal of technological advancement.

Admittedly, the progress in technological realm has help human beings a lot, making them easier to address complex problems in work and life. The industry revolution accelerated the western world along the path of modernization, making this episode of human history glittering for huge advancement of technology. But what causes this progress and what is its goal? The maturity of scientific theory is the prerequisite and human being’s willingness to change the nature is the latent psychological element leading to this revolution. Thus, I hold the viewpoint that in earlier years the primary goal of technological advancement is to change the nature, making people’s life much more convenient and comfortable. This goal arises from the instinct of human beings and is still an important direction steering the development of technology.

When the year steers to the new century, technological advancement is still following a kind of compound interest law but people’s leisure time is becoming less and less. Take a glance at the people on the streets and you will find every one is hasty, with hasty expressions and hasty paces. One hour seems to be equal to one minute today. Why? Why people are getting busier while working conditions are getting more comfortable? I think it is still because of human being’s instinct, the instinct to become more successful and wealthier and more admirable. Technology now has been captured as a slave serving human beings to help them achieve their greedy attainment of life.

The goal of technological advancement is to serve human beings, not creating more leisure but helping to satisfy their desire. It is not hard to understand. For technology is created by human beings, used by human beings and developed by human beings, the center of its advancement is human beings, or we can describe more directly, human being’s instinct. Then we would understand the contradiction between the amenity of life and the busier situation of human beings. The desire of human is unlimited. That is the tragedy of us but also serves as a motivation of creation.

However, we should pay close attention to the using of advanced technology. As is said, “is there anything more grimly whimsical than that of soldiers using science to shatter men’s bodies, while close at hand, surgeons use it to restore them?”  The twofold nature of human’s desire determines that there will be two kinds of nature of using science, the good nature and the evil one. Thus the goal of technological advancement points two quite different paths-paradise and perdition. We are required to ask ourselves very solemnly what is going to be done if this twofold use of technology continues, with its ever-increasing power.

木耳UID: 123036

The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."

If the primary goal of technological advancement were to increase people’s efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time, then one day we would become so free from all kinds of work that we might memorize those past days fraught with tiredness, aspiration, boredom and excitement. Actually, the world is witnessing tremendous progress in every aspect of our life every day; however, people become much busier then ever. This phenomenon is the best proof to destroy(destroy?换一个词吧) the issue. And we should ask ourselves very seriously what is the ultimate goal of technological advancement.

1 你在这里似乎做了一个假设：科技的结果是使人busier。是这样的吗？
2 就算如此，这里是不是有些偷换概念？科技的结果是使人越来越忙，就能说明科技的goal不是increase people's efficiency ？

Admittedly, the progress in technological realm has help human beings a lot, making them easier to address complex problems in work and life. The industry revolution accelerated the western world（加速了西方的世界，accelerated用在这里不太合适。） along the path of modernization, making this (that)episode of human history glittering for huge（huge似乎一般常指体积） advancement of technology. But what causes this progress and what is its goal? The maturity of scientific theory is the prerequisite and human being’s willingness to change the nature is the latent psychological element leading to this revolution. Thus, I hold the viewpoint that in earlier years the primary goal of technological advancement is to change the nature, making people’s life much more convenient and comfortable. This goal arises from the instinct of human beings and is still an important direction steering the development of technology.

最前面的Admittedly我不是到是对谁说的。你这一整段都是在admittedly?

When the year steers to the new century, technological advancement is still following a kind of compound interest law but people’s leisure time is becoming less and less. Take a glance at the people on the streets and you will find every one is hasty, with hasty expressions and hasty paces.（every one is hasty真是这样的？） One hour seems to be equal to one minute today. Why? Why people are getting busier while working conditions are getting more comfortable? I think(不要用i think了。直接陈述事实似乎比较好） it is still because of human being’s instinct, the instinct to become more successful and wealthier and more admirable. Technology now has been captured as a slave serving human beings to help them achieve their greedy attainment of life.

前面看不出贬义，为什么到最后却有了greedy？前后不一致。而且在这一段你只是在说busier的缘于人的instinct，好像和科技关系不大。

The goal of technological advancement is to serve human beings, not creating more leisure but helping to satisfy their desire. It is not hard to understand. For technology is created by human beings, used by human beings and developed by human beings, the center of its advancement is human beings,（？我不是很理解这句) or we can describe more directly, human being’s instinct. Then we would understand the contradiction between the amenity of life and the busier situation of human beings. The desire of human is unlimited. That is the tragedy of us but also serves as a motivation of creation.

除了the center of its advancement is human beings不理解外，还有一个问题就是我觉得你这段放错了位置。好像该放在前面。

However, we should pay close attention to the using of advanced technology. As is said, “is there anything more grimly whimsical than that of soldiers using science to shatter men’s bodies, while close at hand, surgeons use it to restore them?” The twofold nature of human’s desire determines that there will be two kinds of nature of using science, the good nature and the evil one. Thus the goal of technological advancement points two quite different paths-paradise and perdition. We are required to ask ourselves very solemnly what is going to be done if this twofold use of technology continues, with its ever-increasing power.

不是典型的结尾。很少见过这样的写法，不知道该如何评判。倒是想起了gre阅读中的一种文章。

不知怎么，读者有些晕。也可能是昨晚没睡够，呵呵。
文笔很不错，词汇量丰富。很多词我一时都反应不过来是什么意思。可觉着你写的有些罗嗦。你使在尝试一种新的写法，可层次不是很清楚，写的有些散。很多地方有语焉不详的感觉。

你的观点是科技反的目的是为了满足人的instinct，二当今人类的instinct则是对欲望的满足对吧？

maverick1113UID: 144099

斑竹大人
我对题目的理解是,科技进步通过提高人们的效率最终的目标(in order to)让人们有更多的闲余时间,幸得您提醒,感觉确实应该加一句 although the technological advancement actually increases people's effiency, people haven't had more leisure time than ever because of this.
也就是说,虽然提高效率,但技术进步的最终目标(让人们更闲)与现实情况中的人们越来越忙是有矛盾的.
2, accelerate  sth along the path of ~~~~  是推动STH在什么的道路上加速前进, 相当于speed sth~~~
3 destroy 换成 contradict如何??
4 admittedly 是先肯定技术进步在提高人们效率改变生活,然后再BUT探讨什么导致了技术进步,并且技术进步的直接目标是什么?? 然后得出,它的目的其实就是满足人们的本能.
5 第二段和第三段其实是时间上的顺序,第二段讲工业革命earlier years,第三段讲今天, 第二段探讨工业革命技术大进步时期的目标(生活本能),第三段探讨今天技术进步的意义(自我实现的本能)
最后总结出,技术就是满足人们的本能,无论是早期的生活上的本能,还是如今人们不断膨胀的私欲的本能
6 感觉greedy 确实用的不佳,我想用个infinite或unlimitied或innumerable之类的中性词更好
7 应该是the center of technology is based on the needs of human beings. 也就是说技术由人创造,由人使用,由人发展,技术的中心就是人,或者直接的说,就是为了满足人的本能.
8 第四段其实是对上两段的总结,上两段具体说明了技术对人的不同本能的满足,第四段总结了这个结论并加以说明
9 呵呵,instinct 本能就可以理解成人的各种欲望, 人的各种欲望都是一种潜在本能的要求,或者用马斯洛的需要层次理论解释也行~~~~~ 对,应该写点马斯洛的理论,可惜他的名字不会写,555~~~


最后,斑竹大人辛苦了,呵呵
现在发现改作文确实非常费神啊!!!!!
你寒假还不多多休息,睡觉竟然睡不够,不可理解啊,嘻嘻
现在发现,斑竹大牛啊,逻辑思维能力强的!!!!
我的逻辑实在是~~~~语无伦次型,呵呵

最后,再次真诚感谢木耳,呵呵

木耳UID: 123036

The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."

1 我对题目的理解：科技进步的主要目的应该是提高效率从而使人们想有更多的闲暇时间。注意红字，这里的重点在于讨论科技的终极价值是什么。[B]SHOULD BE[/B]在这里有一种使命感的意味。

而你则是首先基于于一种理想与相识的矛盾，从而对题目提出反驳。第二步，你通过时间顺序，分析了古往今来不同时期科技目的的共同性，从而提出你的观点：满足本能。我想这个大概可以概括你的思路了。你的讨论乍看不错，但细想有偷换概念的嫌疑。还是那个词：SHOULD，一直在做的就一定是应该做的吗？在ARGUMENT中这或许可以称为错误因果。

2 这个是我孤陋寡闻了。

3 disproof如何？

4 我总觉得你在这段中把instinct说成了引导科技发展的起因This goal arises from the instinct，而满足本能就是其目的没有明确点出来

5 我在第四段所提出的问题其实与第二段有关。我看出了时间顺序，但没有明显看出你在第二段也是在说科技的目得是本能，所以在这里说这段反映了你的基本论点，放在后面不太合适

我明白我刚才为什么看的有些模糊了。其实是你在文中写的是has两个概念有些混淆了，而我一直按should去理解，当然就有些晕了。

如果这篇文章改一下：
The primary goal of technological advancement has achieved until nowis to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

那么你这篇文章无疑是很好的。

ps:
“您“就免了吧，哥哥我也比你大不了多少，怪不好意思的；如果要是比你小了，那还不更要羞煞我也麽哥。

“大人”也还是甭叫了，听上去像是在叫地主老财或者贪官污吏，让我这个一心想作人民公仆的朴实青年听上去心理堵的慌。

以后叫我同志就行了。

maverick1113UID: 144099

倒!! 同志这个词不能乱用的呀,嘻嘻

木耳UID: 123036

最初由 maverick1113 发布
[B]倒!! 同志这个词不能乱用的呀,嘻嘻 [/B]

唉，哪里又来了这么多麻烦顾忌。
同志又怎样？我偏喜欢人家叫我同志。
爱叫什么随便你啦。

maverick1113UID: 144099

好的,木耳同志
谢谢你的修改
我当再接再厉
你的作文成绩是不是6分啊?

木耳UID: 123036

5

maverick1113UID: 144099

还是很猛!!!
PF