新人 发一篇作文 请老师批改~~谢谢

kevinguo819UID: 3138489

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid as much as doctors, lawyers and business leaders


  When you watch the movie made by Hollywood, you could simply to finding that teacher is not much gorgeous that other occupations such as doctors, lawyers and business leaders who are living in the luxurious apartment, driving sport car. Unfortunately, That is true teachers gain lower than those occupations, That‘s give youngers incorrect conscious that teacher is not the excellent opportunity to their own future.
  When we born, anything that we could see is become our teacher, my parents, my first experience of touching something around us. That is hot or cold so maybe give us an incorrect realization that we gained from the “teacher” is deserved. Standing another side, we could not easily for understanding that teacher’s salary has different with other occupations.
  Lee, my good friend, who got same high-school with me.  But when we passed the university entrance examination, he made decision went to Teacher Collage where cultivate next teacher. Currently, he works at same high school where we leave. He told me teacher’s salary is much lower than others jobs, actually, he really regret he chose this job. But now support him standing on this way just because of this responsibility. Maybe here is more and more student don’t choose teacher to let teacher in their job career.
   Low salary, don’t gain respect from who absorbed knowledge, these reasons is almost decay the teacher this greater occupation. The government and administrations should focus on how rebuild the value of teacher living in generation, Teachers should get same paid as much as doctors, lawyers and business leaders, that’s not depend on one side struggling , that’s need this society to constitute correct system for guiding generation.  

wilsonwUID: 3457994

楼主，建议你先粘到word里面看看有没有错，很多句子结构有问题，简单的错误【动词单数还是原型，it形式主语用法，被动主动进行混用，状语乱用，动词非谓语形式不是名词，动词、其形容词、被动态要分清等等】，语法错误有点多，改起来觉得比较麻烦的。加油~~你可以先去别人的写作贴看看别人的文章参考一下。p.s:这里没有老师，都是准备托福的各种。