issue169 (NO.3) welcome to evaluate jxking's essay and you are appreciated.

jxkingUID: 141801

169 "Those who treat politics and morality as though they were  
separate realms fail to understand either the one or the other."

Recently, people are always talking about the relationship of politics and mortality, if they are regarded as separate realms, which I take leave to doubt , then it is those who do not comprehend neither of them at all, not those who have a better appreciation of both of them who considered it to be. Let us get down to fundamentals and resort to an intermediary, their functional object-- people, thereby, we could easily understand that politics and mortality are, after all, tightly related and largely inter-compensating.

On the one hand, politics in token of such and such a positive institution and strict command is carefully and deliberately devised to to confine and guide people's behavior and actions. Take the big flood of Changjiang River in 1998 for example, a great many people living beside the bank suffered badly this huge disaster. Their houses and belongings were completely immersed in the ruthless flood, as a result, they became homeless and faced menace of starvation and cold as well as diseases. However, the government reacted rapidly and appropriated a lot of money, essential material, and relevant drugs for anti-flood. In addition, the army was quickly sent to join the severe battle of anti-flood. ,Under this circumstance, it belongs to politics that our government and army bears obligation of helping the citizens in disaster area conquer the flood and eventually win in the hard struggle.

One the other hand, mortality, which is formed potentially and silently through previous education, which is endowed by family, school, or society, is used to restrain and conduct people's performance. The instance of anti-flood remains a good case in point. Besides the active intervention of government and army, we common people far away from the river also played a significant role in this succor activity. Many young pioneers subscribed their pocket money to help children in disaster area in order to help them to return to campus as soon as possible. Plenty of clothes, food, tents are endowed by people and factories so as to  help people who seriously suffered the disaster maintain essential sustenance. A great deal of doctors and medicine are transported there to treat all kinds diseases. Though people do not have to do like these in compulsion, they are inclined to contribute their love and assistance, because we have mortality of love which make us fulfill a single aim, a solitary goal,----anti-flood and rebuilding home.

In summaryl, from examples I illustrate above, we can clearly recognize that politics and mortality share the same social function of conducting people's concrete behavior. What makes them distinguishing from each other is, in some sense, that politics bears compulsion while mortality exhibits, more or less, volunteer. When it comes to politics, you have a definable obligation to fulfill one thing and you have to assume your responsibility for it,  once  you fail to do this you would be punished in some form according to relevant provision. As for the mortality, it is relative selective, you come to see, and you determine whether you would intervene with such an incident, at the beginning, you consider whether it attributes to your individual principle on judgment of merit and demerit, truth or fallacy, advantage or disadvantage, then you choose to do or not.

In all, both politcs and mortality serves as the guidance of behavior, and they belongs to one realm on earth.


后记：
1. 让朋友改了我的几篇作文， 就相同的文章，相同的论据，相同的语言， 他们发表了各自的看法，我的体会就是“仁者见仁，智者见智”。
所以更加肯定我的看法：人和人不一样。个人的欣赏角度真是不一样。所以我重要的还是要形成自己的的风格，要有主见。 但是有主见不等于独行其是，有些基本的打假公认的地写作标准还是要遵守的。比如说要切题，比如说要语言连贯，比如说举例恰当。

2. 补充一点关于写“拨洋葱皮”的写作方法，就是征文的最后一定要回到原题目的意思，表示你没有跑题(不管你是不是跑题了)。

3. 读过新概念4的同学又没有这样的感受，除了表达的意思贴切，句法漂亮， 我体会新概念语言的几个显著特点：（1）多重修饰：宾语，能有两个不用一个，且两个意思相近；名词，能用两个形容词修饰，就用两个，意思也是相近的； 形容词和谓语，能用副词修饰一下，就一定要用一下。比如，politics in token of such and such a positive institution and strict command is carefully and deliberately devised to to confine and guide people's behavior and actions.这么做，一来显得词汇量丰富，而来也能表达一些似乎有助于加深文章内容的意思， 三来可以凑字数。（2）频繁使用插入语和标点：What makes them distinguishing from each other is, in some sense, that politics bears compulsion while mortality exhibits, more or less, volunteer. 我学它这么做用于写GRE作文，就像GRE阅读那样，故意把句子搞乱，增加句子难度。让人觉得好像挺深奥的（不管是不是真的写的内容有深度，反正至少比写的太浅太平铺直叙的好，这样的写法也来之杨鹏的难句分析）。（3）尽量使用从句，包括主语从句，宾语从句，定语从句，同位语从句，让不厉害读者读晕了，觉得有难度，让水平高的读者局的你有驾驭长句子的能力。（呵呵，这么做虽然总觉得好像是故弄玄虚，哗众取宠，但是我觉没关系，我们读ETS的范文也觉得他是那么写的。（4）几乎不用简单句，大量使用复合，并列句，并用信号词连接，比如：because, and, although, while, not only... but also..., hardly...when..., as a result, 等等。(5)合理适当运用一些修饰短语，如现在分词短语，过去分词短语，不定式短语，固定短语，比如：a great many people living beside the bank （6）何妨加一两个强调句，倒装句，等等。如：It is ...that (who).......

4.本文涉及到政治, 本人最不擅长写什么政治,艺术, 国际,历史了, 我打算那些题目不看了,大概的算了一下,一共有40多题,占40/240=1/6, 非写不可的几率是1/6*1/6=1/36，也就是说我们有35/36的几率可以不写着这类题。于是我就不打算看着几类题目了，各位G友 怎么想的，你们准备这些题目吗？

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

这个you are appreciated 是什么意思

今天玩无冬之夜，有个叫Beliar的Abyss Demonlord 给我交代任务，我问有什么award
他居然说没有，还说“……then your effot shall be appreciated and  your pretty life shall be spared"
我当时恼了，不做任务了，把它给切了

又看见一次感到很奇怪

so猫UID: 148633

u r appreciated 应该是你会被感谢(直译就是这个意思~~~)

scannerUID: 140886

我觉得你第二段不论是论证还是例子都选的很好,但是接下来的第三段有些偏题的说~~
题目的要求是说明道德与政治的相互关系吧?你的第一个论述段做到了这二者的很好融合,但是后来那段却只讨论了道德而没有涉及政治

angel_naliUID: 148055

Recently, people are always talking about the relationship of(between) politics and mortality, if they are regarded as separate realms, which I take leave to doubt , then it is those who do not("could not "is better) comprehend neither of them at all, not those who have a better appreciation of both of them who considered it to be.(是否少了连接词？第二个从句有些唐突） Let us get down to fundamentals and resort to an intermediary, their functional object-- people, thereby, we could easily understand that politics and mortality are, after all, tightly related and largely inter-compensating.

On the one hand, politics in token of such and such a positive institution and strict command is carefully and deliberately devised to（ to ）confine and guide people's behavior and actions. Take the big flood of Changjiang River in 1998 for example, a great many people living beside the bank suffered badly this huge disaster. Their houses and belongings were completely immersed in the ruthless flood, as a result, they became homeless and faced menace of starvation and cold as well as diseases. However, the government reacted rapidly and appropriated a lot of money, essential material, and relevant drugs for anti-flood（从医学的角度讲，抗洪药物还没有开发出来呢吧？呵呵。bacterialphage可能好些。）. In addition, the army was quickly sent to join the severe battle of anti-flood. ,Under this circumstance, it belongs to（试试due to句型) politics that our government and army bears obligation of helping the citizens in disaster area conquer the flood and eventually win in the hard struggle.

One (on)the other hand, mortality, which is formed potentially and silently through previous education, which is endowed by family, school, or society, is used to restrain and conduct people's performance. The instance of anti-flood remains a good case in point. Besides the active intervention of government and army, we common people far away from the river also played a significant role in this succor activity. Many young pioneers subscribed their pocket money to help children in disaster area in order to help them to return to campus as soon as possible. Plenty of clothes, food, tents are endowed by people and factories so as to help people who seriously suffered the disaster(to太粗心啦 ：）) maintain essential sustenance. A great deal of（好像是用来形容货物的，great many好些） doctors and medicine are transported there to treat all kinds diseases. Though people do not have to do (things) like these in compulsion, they are inclined to contribute their love and assistance, because we have mortality of love which make us fulfill a single aim, a solitary goal,----anti-flood and rebuilding home.

In summary(l), (judging)from examples I illustrate above, we can clearly recognize that politics and mortality share the same social function of conducting people's concrete behavior. What makes them distinguishing from each other is, in some sense, that politics bears compulsion while mortality exhibits, more or less, volunteer. When it comes to politics, you have a definable obligation to fulfill one thing and you have to assume your responsibility for it, once you fail to do this you would be punished in some form according to relevant provision. As for the mortality, it is relative selective, you come to see, and you determine whether you would intervene with such an incident, at the beginning, you consider whether it attributes to your individual principle on judgment of merit and demerit, truth or fallacy, advantage or disadvantage, then you choose to do or not. In all, both politcs and mortality serves as the guidance of behavior, and they belongs to one realm on earth.
这篇文章读起来感觉很是不错。首先条理清楚，思路清晰。尤其是你的论证position和topic scentence的选择终于和我的思路有了交集，让我较容易接受。其次，很喜欢你的论证方法，本来这篇文章就是比较两件事物的异同，且更为强调相同的地方，你使用同一个例子进行论证，更加能够说明两者的共同点，具有较强的可比性。最后，要小小的批判你一下，文章你也写了不少了，我还是建议长句，复杂句，可以用，但一定要建立在有把握的基础上，首先要保证的一定是表述清楚；还有，就是一些小的语法和句法毛病，需要提高谨慎度喽。总之，你在进步，不要停止前进的脚步，加油！

jxkingUID: 141801

1. then it is those who do not("could not "is better) comprehend neither of them at all, not those who have a better appreciation of both of them who considered it to be.(是否少了连接词？第二个从句有些唐突）
-------我这儿用的是强调句， 主干事 it is those who(that) considered it to be. 没想到你没有看出来。郁闷。

2. However, the government reacted rapidly and appropriated a lot of money, essential material, and relevant drugs for anti-flood（从医学的角度讲，抗洪药物还没有开发出来呢吧？呵呵。bacterialphage可能好些。）.
------------我这儿是指发洪水的灾区人民会生病的， 给他们送些药品好治病， 不是治洪水。
再说你那个破噬菌体就能管什么用吗？呵呵！

3.总之，我非常感谢angela 为我修改文章。有机会来天津，我一定会请好好吃一顿的！

fenghua8385UID: 137789

第2段 On the one hand, 没有这样的说法 ，不要THE

最后2段 In summaryl, In all,

重复的意思，但是结构就不对了。
总结应该只在最后。

jxkingUID: 141801

on one hand,
on the other hand,
I remember it, thank you.