ISSUE5 谢谢大家给点意见

ucaoshenUID: 142277

超时写完的。
"A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter
college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic
courses to offer."

Recently there is a debate over whether a nation should require all its students to study the same curriculum until they enter college or allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer. This issue is a complex and controversial one. Different people hold different opinions due to their distinct backgrounds. Therefore, there is not a universal answer to this question, and whether one choice takes precedence over the other may quite depend on the specific situation. The decision is not easy to make, and as far as I am concerned, however, I think it is necessary to combine the two choices together. My view can be greatly substantiated by the following reasons.

Firstly, as is known to all, our education should teach students to learn basic knowledge and train them to master basic skills which a citizen in a cultivated society need. In addition, it is also obligate for education to teach students about the native traditional values, morals and laws, told them about the essential of our native culture, stimulate them to form a general view of our country which can make them more patriotic. All of this require a unified prime and middle school education, that is to say, the same national core curriculum, the same text books and the similar teaching styles.

In addition, education before college has another obligation, that is to prepare students for higher education. In China, the freshmen who can not meet the standard of English or math would find it very difficult to understand the courses and grasp the teachers' ideas, and students with low physical levels would not do well in physical exercises or even suffer from physical unfitness; if various areas use the same curriculum and accept the same examination standard, those passive phenomenon would decrease and it would benefit not only the students but also the teachers and the administrators.

However, on the other hand, it is not proper to ignore the diversity of distinct regions. As in China, there are many different races which have distinct traditions and various culture, there are also numbers of different religions which hold different views toward the world and life. People have cultural rights to keep their own traditions, believe in their own religions, and even, if any, use their own languages. Therefore, besides the same core courses, we should modify the framework of the curriculum, set some different courses to fit different provinces or communities to keep and strengthen the cultural and educational diversity.

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them, we may be comfortable to say that majority of the curriculum in distinct areas should be the same, whereas we should also keep some difference and keep the cultural diversity.

imongUID: 140258

这次格式写对了，题号写错了。这个是issue5不是issue3.
下次注意。

我一会儿把修改意见放到这个帖子里。

Recently there is a debate over whether a nation should require all its students to study the same curriculum until they enter college or allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer. This issue is a complex and controversial one. Different people hold different opinions due to their distinct backgrounds. Therefore, there is not a universal answer to this question, and whether one choice takes precedence over the other may quite depend on the specific situation. The decision is not easy to make, and as far as I am concerned, however, I think it is necessary to combine the two choices together. My view can be greatly substantiated by the following reasons. 恕我直言，beyond我个人不喜欢模版，这次看到的这段话是particularly统统废话；原先看到的模版好歹最后还能看出主题来，这回说了跟没说一点儿区别都没有，说了一段话之后根本就不知道你要说什么。我怀疑这种垃圾套话，如果是判定不能体现你的逻辑思维，也许会影响你的文章。

Firstly, as is known to all, our education should teach students to learn basic knowledge and train them to master basic skills which a citizen in a cultivated society need（单数？or "will need"? 整个句子也不是很舒服。）. In addition, it is also obligate（check词性？） for education to teach students about the native traditional values, morals and laws, told（？） them about the essential of our native culture, stimulate them to form a general view of our country which can make them more patriotic. All of this require a unified prime（？） and middle school education, （如果后面that is to say的话前面就已经是一个句子了，then不能用逗号）that is to say, the same national core curriculum, the same text books and the similar teaching styles.？？the same the this, the same the that? 真没见过原型还可以这样用？...

这一段整体用词别扭，重复和中文痕迹都很明显，后面的话我不看用词和句子了。此外，这段的逻辑关系模糊，搞不清楚前因后果，而且论证在哪里？

In addition, education before college has another obligation, that（which，而且这样写非常罗嗦） is to prepare students for higher education.

第三段：论证脱节严重而且典型，参见我写的coherence一文。

第四段写的比较平庸，但是是三个body里面最好的了。也是唯一一个能够达到4分标准的（我个人估计），虽然你的字数不少。

先看范文吧，还有习作库里面前人的文章，自己动手找找。看一下超级入口里面写的说明。论证和逻辑都比较缺乏，最近几天的好帖子挺多，先不着急继续写，四处看看，累积点资料，反思自己的问题所在，然后有针对性的动笔。现在版面上其他人写的文章里有至少一半都值得看看（学习人家的用词），然后针对这篇文章，看我写的coherence和我转的“从TOEFL阅读学习 issue行文”。

另外就是尽量去给别人的文章提提意见，什么想法都可以，只要能够讨论起来，对自己就是有收获的。这样子别人也会回来关注你的文章的。