ISSUE1 : My first effort ,请各路大虾指点

caoxuUID: 153957

[ISSUE]: “we can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning.”

[ESSAY]
Admittedly, undue discord can impede learning, but it would be unilateral to claim   disagreement can lead to stress and obstruct learning. As far as I am concerned, however, I believe that we learn far more from discourse and debate with those whose ideas we oppose than from people whose ideas are in accord with our own.

It is the contradicting views that breed further deliberation that helps us to see the drawbacks of our own point of view, enabling us to improve our understanding. As we all know n, almost everyone desires for the relaxation and satisfaction which come from the approbation from others, Even some people argue, according to the point, that people whose views we share bring more benefits to our learning. On the surface, this may seem a sound idea, but careful weighing on the mind, we find, in reality, that it is just the approbation that misleads us to stay at the surface of problems rather than to give a deep-going insight into them. For example, there are few politicians question the common sense that it was seen primarily as a homosexual disease or a disease that afflicted very poor Africans when AIDS first appeared. As a result, politicians saw little reward in pushing for money to combat the disease, If there were sufficient different voices at that time, the more and more cases diagnosed today all over the world, in a sense, may be reduced or even be avoid.

In this era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life and culture, contradicting views may provide us with alternative perspectives to problems human beings confronting. As governments, businesses and non-governmental organization step up to the Johannesburg podium to expound or debate ideas for the world's future, measures used to improve environment where turned into action more quickly. Another example, biotechnology students are indeed to use gene engineering to cope with the trouble appearing in agriculture, medicine researching etc. But when they discussed some questions, such as stem cell researching, cloning human beings, with socialists, they will be aware of the ethics and moral principles which must be thought about more deeply during their every steps. It is these alternative and various views that create the diverseness of the world. It is these contradicting views endow our day-to-day life with fresh air, colorful sunshine. As a philosopher said: "Human see the light of development in diversifying".

By contrast, disagreement plays a more important role in attracting our attention than agreement. When we find our views have some subtle different compared with others, we are likely to think over it: Am I right? Why there are different? How did the other's views come into being? What is core of that individual's views? Which part is helpful for me? Such kind of comparison and introspection help us to correct our thoughts and help us in learning to be more mature and wise. If we can rationally analyze the views that are far away from others, we have the chance to explore a totally new world filled with inspiring thoughts. What is important is not whether those different views are right or wrong, it is crucial how others achieve such kind of views. By analyzing these things, we may open new ways to our mind and thus become more open-minded and fair.

In a word, to progress is to serve to give to achieve by exploring the contradicting views and fostering a diversifying perspective.

kingweckUID: 144209

Admittedly, undue discord can impede learning, but it would be unilateral to claim disagreement can lead to stress and obstruct learning. As far as I am concerned, however, I believe that we learn far more from discourse and debate with those whose ideas we oppose than from people whose ideas are in accord with our own. （开门见山，我觉得很清晰）

It is the contradicting views that breed further deliberation that helps us to see the drawbacks of our own point of view, enabling us to improve our understanding. As we all know n（没n）, almost everyone desires for （desire是vt.去掉for） the relaxation and satisfaction which come from the approbation from others, Even some people argue, according to the point, that people whose views we share bring more benefits to our learning. On the surface, this may seem a sound idea, but （by） careful weighing on （weigh也是vt. 去掉on） the mind, we find, in reality, that it is just the approbation that misleads us to stay at the surface of problems （不一定是surface吧） rather than to give a deep-going insight into them. For example, there are few politicians question the common sense that it was seen primarily as a homosexual disease or a disease that afflicted very poor Africans when AIDS first appeared. As a result, politicians saw little reward（可数加s） in pushing for money to combat the disease, If there were sufficient different voices at that time, the more and more cases diagnosed today all over the world, in a sense, may be reduced or even be avoid（avoided）. （AIDS的例子在这儿我觉得不恰当。AIDS传播途径的发现应归功于医学研究的进步，而不应该与politicians有关吧？这个问题与主题关系不密切。）

In this era of rapid social and technological change（加s） leading to increasing life and culture（这句分句是什么意思啊，特别是increasing life？更多的生活方式？）, contradicting views may provide us with alternative perspectives to problems human beings confronting. As governments, businesses and non-governmental organization（加s） step up to the Johannesburg podium to expound or debate ideas for the world's future, measures used to improve environment where turned into action more quickly（这个定语从句指带什么？）. Another example, biotechnology students are indeed to use gene engineering to cope with the trouble appearing in agriculture, medicine researching etc. But when they discussed（改现在时） some questions, such as stem cell researching, cloning human beings, with socialists, they will be aware of the ethics and moral principles which must be thought about more deeply （此处用deeper，形容抽象的副词用deep不用 deeply，我才犯了这个错误?） during their every steps. It is these alternative and various views that create the diverseness （只有diversities） of the world. It is these contradicting views （that） endow our day-to-day life with fresh air, colorful sunshine. As a philosopher said: "Human see the light of development in diversifying".（这句话只有前半句）

By contrast（我查了几个词典都只有by contraries）, disagreement plays a more important role in attracting our attention than agreement.（这个主题句用attract our attention不大切题吧） When we find （that） our views have some subtle different （differences） compared with others, we are likely to think over it （it指带什么？）: Am I right? Why there are different? How did the other's  （去掉the，用others’） views come into being （还是用现在时好）? What is （the）core of that individual's views? Which part is helpful for me? Such kind of comparison and introspection help us to correct our thoughts and help us in learning to be more mature and wise.（wiser） If we can rationally analyze the （改成our吧，否这句意不清） views that are far away from others, we have the chance to explore a totally new world filled with inspiring thoughts. What is important is not whether those different views are right or wrong, it is crucial （that）how others achieve such kind of views. By analyzing these things, we may open new ways to our mind and thus become more open-minded and fair （fairer）.

In a word, to progress is to serve to give to achieve by exploring the contradicting views and fostering a diversifying perspective.（最后这一句有点乱，foster不大贴切吧，再改改）

感觉你这篇文章结构还是比较清晰的，观点+反面+正面。不过我觉得就是例子与主题有一些偏差，也或者是表达的原因。这里面还有一些大小写，断句，和语法错误，可能笔误居多吧。给你一个建议就是不要太相信 word的拼写语法检查了，很多它都发现不了。
        菜鸟第一次改文章，错误之处多包涵。

imongUID: 140258

看了一下修改稿，改得不错呢！谢谢kingweck！

最后一段by analyzing how others achieve其实是一个比较大的方面，两句话带过去有点可惜了。

原文如果能注意时不时返回到learn more我想应该会更好一些，这几天写这个题目的文章多少在这里都有点问题。

caoxuUID: 153957

多谢指点，不胜感激。
另外，我查了查，foster 可以这样用吧，还有，我的最后一句，是改造的一句名言，语法上有问题吗？还请指点．谢谢

paisleyUID: 64183

最后一句感觉比较别扭。连着用好几个to，这是一般的英语文章里很少见的，只有在特殊场合和用法时才会这样使用。但是既然你上文并不是那样的特定场合，使用这样的句子就不合适。另外，应该是to make progress比较好