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[优秀习作] issue48 几天没写,写的不好,大家拍砖 [复制链接]

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发表于 2004-1-25 19:35:37 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

   Elites come from the ordinary, meanwhile the ordinary generate and influence the elites. The history is not the artwork of the famous few and its propulsion originates from the masses. Significant events and trends in history are the deposition of tradition and ideaology of people through the years, while it is not due to the famous few. The belief I strongly hold is that it is the general people together with their specific spirits that have created our history.

Since everyone is brought up in certain circumstance, his/her mind is greatly influenced by the ideas the outer condition showed to him/her. The young come to world with nothingand so they must learn to adapt to the society. Evidently, the people surrounded a man give vivid lessons through their own actions in response to certain situations, which little by little helps foster a man's point of view about the world. It can been seen that children are always inclined to imitate their parents because the young are intrinsicly curious about unfamiliar events. Moreover, as is obvious, without the outer world a man cannot do anything but just wait to die. People is set in their own ages which means they must inherit from therir forebears the ideology and acquired experience to keep the society evolving consistenly. So everyone's behavior is circumscribed by the level of their own age, or rather he cannot possibly break away from the times which he belongs to. We have every reason to doubt whether Einstein could have brought forth the Theory of Relativity if he had been born in the middle ages. Thus,  the famous few are merely the results of their respective circumstances although the selection is to some extent very random among the many qualified  people.

History is huaman's history, and therefore  the social conditon of a specific age is determined by all humans but not only  the very few elites. A single man is quite a minute creature in contrast with the grandeur of the nature, and that could partly explains why humans must gather their individual poor strength to contend with the nature by means of education and cooperation, which could certainly not be accomplished only by the famous few. The famous few are only a group of gifed persons who have larger capacity and more courge. Whereas, the elites' capacity and spiritual power is also affected by the level of their age. We can never turn upside-down the relation between the mass and the elites, otherwise it seems to me that it is quite as absurd as to exchange the position between a father and his son! Today, a single person's role in society is becoming more and more trivial in comparison with that of the humans as a whole. A prominent scholar usually contributes a little to only a very narrow academic field, as could be seen from the field of computer science. The operation system Windows came into being through the collaborative work not simply of a few elites but of thousands of people. In one word, the humans as a whole create the social condition which is the mother of the famous few.  

In sum, the aggregation of all humans in certain age helps form specific social conditons which is marked by a number of significant events and trends. The famous few are selected only as agents by the society to conduct the solutions of the challenges.
努力~~~!奋斗~~~!
就三句台词
第一句是:哦
第二句是:啊
第三句是:你还是走吧
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Pisces双鱼座 荣誉版主

沙发
发表于 2004-1-25 20:29:49 |只看该作者
48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

Elites come from the ordinary, meanwhile the ordinary generate and influence the elites. (The删掉) history is not the artwork of the famous few and its propulsion originates from the masses. Significant events and trends in history are the deposition of tradition and ideaology(ideology) of people through the years, while it is not due to the famous few. The belief I strongly hold is that it is the general people together with their specific spirits(?后面哪里体现出spirits了?) that have created our history.

Since everyone is brought up in certain circumstance, his/her mind is greatly influenced by the ideas the outer condition showed(shows) to him/her. The young come to world with nothingand(?) so they must learn to adapt to the society. Evidently, the people surrounded a man give vivid lessons through their own actions in response to certain situations, which little by little helps foster a man's point of view about the world. It can been(?) seen that children are always inclined to imitate their parents because the young are intrinsicly (?) curious about unfamiliar events. Moreover, as is obvious, without the outer world a man cannot do anything but just wait to die. People is(are) set in their own ages which means they must inherit from their forebears the ideology and acquired experience to keep the society evolving consistenly(?). So everyone's behavior is circumscribed by the level of their own age, or rather he cannot possibly break away from the times which he belongs to. We have every reason to doubt whether Einstein could have brought forth the Theory of Relativity if he had been born in the middle ages. Thus, the famous few are merely the results of their respective circumstances although the selection is to some extent very random among the many qualified people. (观点独特,环境塑造了人的思想,then创造了历史。(事机成熟了,事件就发生了?感觉有点忽视了创造历史的主体-人)但是没有开门见山的给出来,最后一句才提出,这样逐渐展开的写法不好,要是老外看,会感觉该段的前一个观点偏题了)

History is huaman's history, and therefore the social conditon(?) of a specific age is determined by all humans but not only the very few elites. A single man is quite a minute creature in contrast with the grandeur of the nature, and that could partly explains why humans must gather their individual poor strength to contend with the nature by means of education and cooperation, which could certainly not be accomplished (only删掉) by the famous few. The famous few are only a group of gifed(?) persons who have larger capacity and more courge(?). Whereas, the elites' capacity and spiritual power is(are) also affected by the level of their age. We can never turn upside-down the relation between the mass and the elites, otherwise it seems to me that it is quite as absurd as to exchange the position between a father and his son! Today, a single person's role in society is becoming more and more trivial in comparison with that of the humans as a whole. A prominent scholar usually contributes a little to only (only使用的比较别扭) a very narrow academic field, as could be seen from the field of computer science. The operation system Windows came into being through the collaborative work not simply of a few elites but of thousands of people. In one word, the humans as a whole create the social condition which is the mother of the famous few.

In sum, the aggregation of all humans in certain age helps form specific social conditons(?) which is marked by a number of significant events and trends. The famous few are selected only as agents by the society to conduct the solutions of the challenges.
Never,never,never,never give up !!

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板凳
发表于 2004-1-26 15:41:06 |只看该作者
谢谢修改,您的问题我不是很明白,能不能在具体一点?
努力~~~!奋斗~~~!
就三句台词
第一句是:哦
第二句是:啊
第三句是:你还是走吧

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Pisces双鱼座 荣誉版主

地板
发表于 2004-1-26 18:35:49 |只看该作者
第二段 Since everyone is brought up in certain circumstance, his/her mind is greatly influenced by the ideas the outer condition showed to him/her 有点撤的太远了。一上来你先做铺垫,直到最后几句 才出来观点the famous few are merely the results of their respective circumstances ...
我的意思是最好把观点开门见山提出来,不是更好?
这是文章结构的问题。

关于文章观点:我认为创造历史不能忽视人的主观能动性,不一定仅仅是环境的结果的。当然你的观点也可以,自圆其说就行。

呵呵,只是我的个人意见,仅供参考。
不对的地方请指出。
Never,never,never,never give up !!

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RE: issue48 几天没写,写的不好,大家拍砖 [修改]

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issue48 几天没写,写的不好,大家拍砖
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