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[经典批改讨论] issue1 从testmagic找来的,这几天写这个题目的人不妨进来看看 [复制链接]

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荣誉版主 Sub luck

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发表于 2004-1-26 12:03:41 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
from http://www.testmagic.com/forum/t ... 870&whichpage=2

We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than whose views contradict us. Disaggreement can cause stress and inhibit learning.

if prejudice is left out in the process of learnig, the presence of disaggreement between both sides (side who learns and side who is learned) can lead to great gain and make this process more availing than what was in the case of complete

aggreement. This means if the rationality is the only power that can turn the resault of arguments in learnnig procedure, not only it won't lead to stress or hinder learning , but also it will prosper the procedure and lead to striking conclusion. there are two reasons supporting my claims:

first, various views in one topic get discussion completed and deepen. if all persons have the same view and no body contradit them,a lot of hidden aspect of topic will remain unconsidered. as we know, almost each theory particulary in the human-related subjects has alot of rivals who oppose or confine the correctness of others. Lack of persons who contradict our accepted thoery make us incognizant of rivalry theory who express the imperfections of our own. for example, in political science class, when the teacher teaches the liberalism as a political idealogy and all of student love this kind of political regime, the imperfection of such regime- like the authority and power of capital in driving the society- may not be considered deeply and deversely. challenging the idea and deep look on it require powerful opponents whose views contradit our own about it.

secondly, the presence of persons who oppose our views create kind of competition in process of learning. Tending to prove our ideas and defend it agianst rivalry one, we need to study and investigate various concepts and find a proper response to opponents. as a resault, the quiet and static learning atmospher convert to dynamic and fresh one.

if there is a aperson who doubts the reaization of equity in the theory of market economy, the admireres of this theory must do more intllectual efforts to learn how the imperfection was resolved in this thoey or how they can find a solution to this doubt, the compaign ignored in the lack of such opponent.
however, when reationality is replaces by bigotery and prejudice , these advantageous may be disappeared. Becuase every body just tries to prove himself instead of real fact and truth , the process of learning is accimpanied by dispute, belligerence and intolerance of others ideas.This creats the atmosphere of anxiety and distress and hiders learnig. In this condition, it seems more availing to be no disagreement among people who tend to learn.

in this essay, we show that with committing to rationality by all parties , the presence of persons who oppose our views may creat a great achievement. it is because in one hand disagreement clarifies the unobserved points of the topic and in the other hand, it encourages persons to make more efforts and intellectual endeavors. However, if the rationality is omited among the people who are going to learn, the correctness of the main claim is doubtless.

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Someone's comments:

Hi Ali, as expected (from prior encounters), your English is very smooth and in general the lines flow well.
healthy amount of skepticism

intellectual stagnation

joint views of the group are sacrosanct and can not be contradicted or questioned

This undue reverence for intellectual views clouds objectivity and in fact leads to a retrogressive trend, rather than enhancing the learning experience.

We learn to question and expose stereotype views.

Very well written again- you must be getting bored of compliments. I'll point out one possible flaw. IMO you should give more concrete examples. Examples from day-to-day life and of renowned scholars etc.that a reader can relate to and find further interest in reading ahead .I know it's hard to come up with interesting examples on the spur of the moment. But they will make the reading more interesting than a purely theoretical essay. Also, there is one more thing, that I was told to incorporate in my writing. Try to summarise your main point of the para in your starting lines.Make the objective of each para clear in the very start, so that even an inattentive reader realises that each para has its aim. Like, the first para- is the ' gain deeper insight through dissension'; the second para- 'get a broader view through incorporating different viewpoints'.

Yet on another dimension, this exercise of learning from people, having views different from us, teaches us some very fundamental but necessary elements. Is scholarly disagreement among peers not a form of the democratic process, albeit in a narrower sense? We learn to consider other people's opinions and views, and even if we donot agree with them, we learn to respect them. Learning in this way is a mutual exercise, where we share our experiences with other people and in turn benefit from their experiences. Would such disagreement cause stress? On the contrary, it would help bridge gulfs in view, opinions and attitudes. At the end of day, everyone would come out as more learned scholars and more open-minded individuals.

Any situation can be taken to an extreme and the same is true here as well. Petty criticism and disagreement for the sake of disagreement can hamper and inhibit learning. Disagreement has to be positive with an aim towards learning and promoting harmony. It should strive towards promoting and building scholarly objectivity. It is from this type of learning that we learn more, and it is form of scholarly disagreement that I am convassing for.


Nice concluding para- 'keep out petty criticism and promote harmony'.
One spelling error  'canvassing'- I'm being nit-picking.

Really nice essay. Be sure to incorporate more & more interesting examples.
Hope my critique was of help.
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发表于 2004-1-26 12:05:44 |只看该作者

Another essay

Learning is a process, which occurs when we come across situations, and views, which we are not aware of and which are not in tandem with what we know till then. This situation is created when we meet people whose views do not agree with our own and we come across a different point of view. This is the situation that makes us explore the topic more to prove our point. This makes us learn and enhances our knowledge. Disagreement does cause stress but it is this stress, which inspires us to investigate, and enhances rather than inhibits the learning process.

The civilization would not have advanced to the present level if people through generations had thought the same on all topics. Every time a new theory was formulated, the reason was that the views of an individual did not agree with the formulated explanations he had been given to by the society at that time. People did try to inhibit a new line of thought and oppose it but it was always this opposition that inspired the individual more to prove his point. The atom was believed to be indivisible and had it not been for someone who did not agree with this, the nuclear power would not have been developed till now. The earth was thought to be flat and it was the disagreement of views between people that made them discover earth was spherical and provide an explanation for the rotation and revolution. All these contradictions with the existing views increased our knowledge and made us learn more.

Disagreement inspires us to learn more. If all of us start agreeing with the existing theories and with each other, there will be no inspiration for us to explore further. In our present generation there are people who believe that life is possible outside of earth and it is driving them to investigate on their line of thought. Their investigations might make it possible for people to live on other planets. There are people who believe AIDS is curable and it is making search for that cure. There are people in disputing countries who believe that there can be peace and it is their belief that has been avoiding war. Though terrorism is widespread and infective today, there are people who think it can be removed and that is making them work towards it.

A child learns only what his parents know till he goes to school. There he comes across other children who know different things than him as parents of those children have a different point of view. This makes him question his own knowledge and he struggles to find answers to those questions and learns. Slowly he develops the ability to read and understand. He reads a lot of things, which differ, from his lifestyle and his community. He formulates new thoughts, new questions and the process of learning goes on. In every step of our development from a child to an adult we are given answers that satisfy us for the time being, and if we do not come across people who contradict our views we do not learn anymore.

Stress caused by disagreement is the factor, which provides inspiration to enhance our learning. In conclusion I would like to reiterate that we learn much more from people whose views contradict our own rather than from people whose views we share.

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Hi Nisha
here's what I think:


quote:
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Originally posted by nisha_r

Learning is a process, which occurs when we come across situations, and views, which we are not aware of and which are not in tandem with what we know till then.
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Nisha, this sentence is too long. you need to use pronouns very carefully. It's better to cut your sentences if they're tending to be too long.

quote:
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This situation is created when we meet people whose views do not agree with our own and we come across a different point of view. This is the situation that makes us explore the topic more to prove our point. This makes us learn and enhances our knowledge. Disagreement does cause stress but it is this stress, which inspires us to investigate, and enhances rather than inhibits the learning process.
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here again, usage of "this" - do restrict it. Your sentences are kinda complicated. They are not taking me to the point immediately. This'll require some practice, but you _must_ do it. your intention here is to get your point across to the reader the moment he/she reads it. And the moment it is read, the reader must think "ah! so this is her approach".
Also, the first para, the intro, must clearly state your stance. it's not a rule, but it's the best way to show the way to the reader.

The best part is that you have good points, and good examples to support them.

But again, you need to organize your essay better. Also, the conclusion must first state your stance emphatically. then summarize your essay points and then say something really positive about your stance.

quote:
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Stress caused by disagreement is the factor, which provides inspiration to enhance our learning.
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this should not be the starting of your conclusion. also, it doens't make much sense. Please plan your essays in such a way that you have time to read them, and read them as a reader.
Also, you must sparingly use words liek "I", "us", "our" etc. use them when you're giving your stance. use them, also, when your giving persoanl experiences. but other than that, make the essay look more like an academic paper.
I would say that the test taker must plan to finsih the essay writing part in 40 minutes and not 45 minute, since it's certainly going to take some time deciding which topic to write on. And then one needs to wait atleast 5 secons before the laswt reading, so that you'll get the feeling that you're reading this essay for the first time. Also, make sure that there are atleast 10 seconds after you finsih with the whole thing. It'll make you more confident that you ahve finished it in time.

I hope you didn't mind my frank opinion. I only want to help...
hope all this helps....

-vemvin
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板凳
发表于 2004-1-26 14:24:44 |只看该作者
hoho!testmagic的确是个好地方
Quest for Good and Power
Learn to Labor and to Wait

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RE: issue1 从testmagic找来的,这几天写这个题目的人不妨进来看看 [修改]

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issue1 从testmagic找来的,这几天写这个题目的人不妨进来看看
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-163528-1-1.html
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