issue93 俺的第二篇

xixingiuUID: 154060

Issue93:“The concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people’s behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making”

The relationship between the individuals and society is an eternal problem. People always tend to discuss which one is more important and which determine the anther. Indeed, I agree with the writer’s statement about the individuals and society, but I would to add some personal viewpoints.
First of all, people’s behavior certainly and largely determined by forces or social fashions. I’m sure that, not so much because we are in a community and the behavior certainly be conditioned by the conventions of this community, but because that the man have a common ground of chasing the fashion. It’s not difficult to image that how heavy the pressure one would be beard only because who oppose common social value point and hate the earthly fashion. The Holy office knew this full well when it caused heretics be burned in days gone by. But the social forces construct this world’s order and move people out of the primitive state. Our behavior abide by the common rule but not the personal emotion.  
Try to image if it is not social force but people determine the behaviors by themselves, what will the world be? Will people pay for the goods in the shop? Will you earn the money just by working but not other more comfortable actions? Will people in deal with problems in rational attitude? Will the present-day world be turned upside down? Of course what above discussed is strange thought, but I believe a correct one, that the social forces absolutely help us to institute a safe and orderly environment.
Of course, we cannot lose our own personality and good habit only because of the outside pressure. What is the most important thing in one man’s life and what is the basic ruler in a country’s spirit? Undoubtedly, it’s freedom. I can’t image everyone become a craven and walk the same way under the government’s policy and ideas, even if the forces are unreasonable. In that way, humanity will stop the advance step and lose the life pleasure. If we completely abandon our right and live like a robot, this world will lose the most important advantage ------the diversity and the variability. Certainly, the condition of keeping such individual things is to keep the social order and community’s peace.
In sum, people’s behavior is largely determined by forces, but we cannot neglect humanity’s personal original thinking and independent idea. Yet that is a rather trivial aspect of the matter. The fact of first-rate importance is to find a balance between the community forces and individual is the most important way to solve the contradiction.

coolwitsUID: 149150

No.1 issue93 俺的第二篇
Issue93:“The concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people’s behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making”

The relationship between the individuals and society is an eternal problem. People always tend to discuss which one is more important and which determine the anther. Indeed, I agree with the writer’s statement about the individuals and society, but I would to add some personal viewpoints.

First of all, people’s behavior certainly and largely (is)determined by forces or social fashions. I’m sure that(that 这里是代词，还是引导从句？), not so much because we are in a community and the behavior certainly be conditioned by the conventions of this community, but because that the man have a common ground of chasing the fashion. （句子结构不清）It’s not difficult to image that how heavy the pressure （这里的谓语呢）one would be beard only because who oppose common social value point and hate the earthly fashion. The Holy office knew this full well when it caused heretics be burned in days gone by. But the social forces construct this world’s order and move people out of the primitive state. Our behavior abide by the common rule but not the personal emotion.

Try to image if it is not social force but people determine the behaviors by themselves, what will the world be? Will people pay for the goods in the shop? Will you earn the money just by working but not other more comfortable actions? Will people in deal with problems in rational attitude? Will the present-day world be turned upside down? Of course what above discussed is strange thought, but I believe a correct one, that the social forces absolutely help us to institute a safe and orderly environment.
问句排比不错

Of course, we cannot lose our own personality and good habit only because of the outside pressure. What is the most important thing in one man’s life and what is the basic ruler in a country’s spirit? Undoubtedly, it’s freedom. I can’t image everyone become a craven and walk the same way under the government’s policy and ideas, even if the forces are unreasonable. In that way, humanity will stop the advance step and lose the life pleasure. If we completely abandon our right and live like a robot, this world will lose the most important advantage ------the diversity and the variability. Certainly, the condition of keeping such individual things is to keep the social order and community’s peace.
最后下的结论，没有事实依据，你也没有说明推理，怎么能只用一个certainly敷衍了事？

In sum, people’s behavior is largely determined by forces, but we cannot neglect humanity’s personal original thinking and independent idea. Yet that is a rather trivial aspect of the matter. The fact of first-rate importance is to find a balance between the community forces and individual is the most important way to solve the contradiction.
这一句‘In sum, people’s behavior is largely determined by forces, but we cannot neglect humanity’s personal original thinking and independent idea. ’，是你的观点吗？
那上面的论述旧有问题，因为你把重点放在前半句了

xixingiuUID: 154060

Issue93:“The concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people’s behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making”

The relationship between the individuals and society is an eternal problem. People always tend to discuss which one is more important and which determine the anther. Indeed, I basically agree with the writer’s statement about the individuals and society, but I would to add some personal viewpoints.
First of all, people’s behavior is certainly and largely is determined by forces or social fashions. I’m sure that not so much because we are in a community and the behavior certainly be conditioned by the conventions of this community, but because that the man have a common ground of chasing the fashion. It’s not difficult to image that how heavy the pressure one should bear, only because who oppose common social value point and hate the earthly fashion. The Holy office knew this full well when it caused heretics be burned in days gone by. And at the same time social forces construct this world’s order and move people out of the primitive state, that cause our behavior base on the common rule but not the personal emotion.  
Try to image if it is not social force but people determine the behaviors by themselves, what will the world be? Will people pay for the goods in the shop? Will you earn the money just by working but not other more comfortable actions? Will people in deal with problems in rational attitude? Will the present-day world be turned upside down? Of course what above discussed is strange thought, but I believe a correct one, that the social forces absolutely help us to institute a safe and orderly environment.
Of course, we cannot lose our own personality and good habit only because of the outside pressure. What is the most important thing in one man’s life and what is the basic ruler in a country’s spirit? Undoubtedly, it’s freedom. I can’t image everyone become a craven and walk the same way under the government’s policy and ideas, even if the forces are unreasonable. In that way, humanity will stop the advance step and lose the life pleasure. If we completely abandon our right and live like a robot, this world will lose the most important advantage ------the diversity and the variability. Of course, the condition of keeping such individual things is to keep the social order and community’s peace. So it is reasonable to persist our personal actions under the rule of that not to impair others’ benefit.
In sum, people’s behavior is largely determined by forces, and we cannot completely neglect humanity’s personal original thinking and independent idea. Yet that is a rather trivial aspect of the matter. The fact of first-rate importance is to find a balance between the community forces and individual is the most important way to solve the contradiction.

首先感谢coolwits对我作文的批改,写这篇作文是在背了nce4的第56篇后,所以我的issue里有不少句子结构是仿写的,也许有写牵强,在写这篇作文时老觉的象是在凑字,有时一个观点有了许多话,或是一种句子结构反复使用,我想这是肚子里没货造成的吧.
根据coolwits的意见批评,我对文的一些语句做了修改,但整篇的逻辑性不是很强,因为英语的表达水平有限,一些话不能很好的表达,望大家提出宝贵意见.

kobe niuUID: 153797

The relationship between the individuals and society is an eternal problem. People always tend to discuss which one is more important and which determine the anther. Indeed, I basically agree with the writer’s statement about the individuals and society, but I would (like) to add some personal viewpoints.
First of all, people’s behavior is certainly and largely(ambivalent) is(eliminate is) determined by forces or social fashions. I’m sure that not so much(not only) because we are in a community and the behavior certainly be conditioned by the conventions of this community, but because that the man have a common ground(tendency) of chasing the fashion. It’s not difficult to image that how heavy the pressure one should(would) bear, only because who(he) oppose(s) common social value point and hate(s) the earthly fashion. The Holy office knew this full(y) well when it caused heretics(to) be burned in days gone by. And at the same time social forces construct this world’s order and move people out of the primitive state, that(which) cause our behavior(to be) base(d) on the common rule but not the personal emotion.
Try to image if it is not social force but people(that) determine(s?) the behaviors by themselves(eliminate), what will the world be? Will people pay for the goods in the shop? Will you earn the money just by working but not other more comfortable actions? Will people in(eliminate) deal with problems in rational attitude? Will the present-day world be turned upside down(??)? Of course what above(eliminate) discussed (above) is a strange thought, but I believe a correct one, that the social forces absolutely help us to institute a safe and orderly environment.(这段太乱了，用法不连贯）
Of course, we cannot（好象不能这么写） lose our own personality and good habit only because of the outside pressure. What is the most important thing in one man’s life and what is the basic ruler in a country’s spirit? Undoubtedly, it’s freedom. I can’t image everyone（anyone) become(s) a craven and walk(s) (in) the same way under the government’s policy and ideas, even if the forces are unreasonable. In that way, humanity will stop the advance(d) step and lose the life pleasure. If we completely abandon our right and live like a robot, this world will lose the most important advantage ------the diversity and the variability. Of course, the condition of keeping such individual things is to keep the social order and community’s peace. So it is reasonable to persist(in) our personal actions under the rule of that(mean what???) not to impair others’ benefit.
In sum, people’s behavior is largely determined by forces, and we cannot(can't) completely(ambivalent) neglect humanity’s personal original thinking and independent idea. Yet that is a rather trivial aspect of the matter. The fact of first-rate importance is to find a balance between the community forces and individual is the most important way to solve the contradiction.(?两个谓语)
我没有背过NEC4所以改的不一定对，但我个人认为，逻辑和结构是最重要的，你的句子有些乱

paisleyUID: 64183

can't 和cannot都是对的，（注意cannot中间不能隔开，按照美国英语），但是因为正式的论文里都不允许出现缩写，所以一般避免用前者

genie05UID: 30358

xixingiu发贴是每段隔行可以方便大家阅读。谢谢。