issue121 限时烂文~~大家拍吧~

so猫UID: 148633

issue121
"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, process. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."

Many biological species have died out in the past centuries. At present, nearly all the nations in the world are making efforts to save the endangered species-the orchids in the Brazilian rainforest, the takins on the Parmirs and etc. As far as I am concerned, it is necessary for all the nations to try their best to save such species, even the cost in the finance of which may be high.

Admittedly, the geological and environmental changes in eras have caused millions of species extinct, including some huge animal which has conquered the earth. It is reported once in a scientific magazine that the extinction of dinosaur is due to the change on the climate and temperature with a big meteor falling on the earth. Yet, a census according to a famous professor in the zoology area pointed out that the speed of extinction of animal nowadays is far quicker than the average of ten thousand in the past, with the proportion about 300 to 1. The main reason lies in destruction and pollution of industrialization and modernization of the world. In a word, in modern times, the extinction of species originated from the activities of human beings rather than the changes of geology. Government and individuals have to be responsible to the situation nowadays and manage to save the species which have suffered from the man-made destruction and pollution.

Sometimes the protection of the endangered species not only can keep the natural balance but also can increase the development of the domestic financial. Take Brazilian government for instance. In the past ten years the government has executed a measurement to protect a kind of cherishing orchids in the rainforest along Amazon, which is sensitive to the acidity of the rain there. In the past with amounts of rainforests being cut down and the factories in the cities draining off carbon dioxide without limit, 90 percent of these orchids have disappeared on the market; these years with the measurement taken to forbid the cutting without limit and to shut off some small factories which do not meet the standard of the country, these beautiful flowers could be seen again. The export of these flowers has brought Brazil amounts of foreign exchange when in the last two year the financial crisis occuring in the South America. From this point of view, saving the endangered species is not a program wasting money, rather a measurement bringing treasure to the nation.

However, when the cost in money and jobs is getting too high for the nation to afford, the program aiming at saving the endangered animals and plates should be taken consideration seriously whether to carry on or to halt for a while. If the people in the country such as some African nations in which the demo may have enough food and clothes, the responsibility of the government at that time is not to save the animals and plants endangered yet the people endangered. Countries under comparatively developed condition should manage to find the balance point between the dilemma of developing the economy and saving the species with the sacrifice of money and jobs.

In conclusion, in the modern society individuals are facing the problem our forefathers left, while making new problems everyday to the next or even next and next generations. The government has to find a wise method to save the species endangered under the man-made terrible living situation, yet to sacrifice the benefits of the people as little as possible.

如题 烂文一篇
仔细看了一下
除了是在规定时间内写完的 而且字数比较漂亮以外
没有任何优点 逻辑上漏洞一堆~~~
烂文~~~~
5555555~~~~~~~~~~~~
大家拍晕我吧~~~

wallisUID: 111832

issue121
"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, process. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."

Many biological species have died out in the past centuries. At present, nearly all the nations in the world are making efforts to save the endangered species-the orchids in the Brazilian rainforest, the takins on the Parmirs and etc. As far as I am concerned, it is necessary for all the nations to try their best to save such species, even the cost in the finance of which may be high.

Admittedly, the geological and environmental changes in eras have caused millions of species extinct, including some huge animal, which has conquered the earth. It is reported once in a scientific magazine that the extinction of dinosaur is due to the change on the climate and temperature with a big meteor falling on the earth. Yet, a census according to a famous professor in the zoology area pointed out that the speed of extinction of animal nowadays is far quicker than the average of ten thousand in the past, with the proportion about 300 to 1. The main reason lies in destruction and pollution of industrialization and modernization of the world. In a word, in modern times, the extinction of species originated from the activities of human beings rather than the changes of geology. Government and individuals have to be responsible to(of) the situation nowadays and manage to save the species which have suffered from the (man-made) destruction and pollution men committed.

Sometimes the protection of the endangered species not only can keep the natural balance but also can increase the development of the domestic financial. Take Brazilian government for instance. In the past ten years the government has taken measures (executed a measurement) to protect a kind of cherishing orchids in the rainforest along Amazon, which is sensitive to the acidity of the rain there. In the past with amounts of rainforests being cut down and the factories in the cities draining off carbon dioxide without limit, 90 percent of these orchids have disappeared on the market; these years with the measurement taken to forbid the cutting without limit and to shut off some small factories which do not meet the standard of the country, these beautiful flowers could be seen again. The export of these flowers has brought Brazil amounts of foreign exchange when in the last two year the financial crisis occurring(?) in the South America. From this point of view, saving the endangered species is not a program wasting money, rather a measurement bringing treasure to the nation.

However, when the cost in money and jobs is getting too high for the nation to afford, the program aiming at saving the endangered animals and plants should be taken (into) consideration seriously whether to carry on or to halt for a while. If the people in the country such as some African nations in which the demo may have enough food and clothes, the responsibility of the government at that time is not to save the animals and plants endangered yet the people endangered. Countries under comparatively developed condition should manage to find the balance point between the dilemma of developing the economy and saving the species with the sacrifice of money and jobs.

In conclusion, in the modern society individuals are facing the problem our (forefathers’ve) left, while making new problems everyday to the next or even next and next generations. The government has to find a wise method to save the species endangered (under)  by the man-made terrible living situation, at the cost of sacrificing the benefits of the people as little as possible.

~文字有点凌乱，呵呵要改进一下！意思很轻清楚：）
开头第一段好像太简单了一点，可以把保护的理由说一下
倒数第二段，我觉得有点问题，事实上贫穷的国家会陷入一个怪圈：经济不行，但由于要生存，就滥砍滥伐，无度开采矿产资源----生态恶化------贫困-----滥砍滥伐，
所以我觉得要从发达国家要帮助落后国家发展经济，保护环境入手！

coolwitsUID: 149150

Many biological species have died out in the past centuries. At present, nearly all the nations in the world are making efforts to save the endangered species-the orchids in the Brazilian rainforest, the takins on the Parmirs and etc. As far as I am concerned, it is necessary for all the nations to try their best to save such species, even the cost in the finance of which may be high.

Admittedly, the geological and environmental changes in eras have caused millions of species extinct, including some huge animal which has conquered the earth. It is reported once in a scientific magazine that the extinction of dinosaur is due to the change on the climate and temperature with a big meteor falling on the earth. Yet, a census according to a famous professor in the zoology area pointed out that the speed of extinction of animal nowadays is far quicker than the average of ten thousand in the past, with the proportion about 300 to 1. (这里最好进一步说明灭亡速度和人类的关系)The main reason lies in destruction and pollution of industrialization and modernization of the world. (这里是专家说的还是你说的？)In a word, in modern times, the extinction of species originated from the activities of human beings rather than the changes of geology. Government and individuals have to be responsible to the situation nowadays and manage to save （manage不妥，换成try ones best）the species which have suffered from the man-made destruction and pollution.
你说了是人类造成灭亡,最好再挑明了说人类必须为自己作过的事情负责,人性光辉云云

Sometimes (这里太小心了, sometimes最好放到后面)the protection of the endangered species not only can keep the natural balance but also can increase the development of the domestic financial. Take Brazilian government for instance. In the past ten years the government has executed a measurement to protect a kind of cherishing orchids in the rainforest along Amazon, which is sensitive to the acidity of the rain there. In the past with amounts of rainforests being cut down and the factories in the cities draining off carbon dioxide without limit, 90 percent of these orchids have disappeared on the market; these years with the measurement taken to forbid the cutting without limit and to shut off some small factories which do not meet the standard of the country, these beautiful flowers could be seen again. The export of these flowers has brought Brazil amounts of foreign exchange when in the last two year the financial crisis occuring in the South America. From this point of view, saving the endangered species is not a program wasting money, rather a measurement bringing treasure to the nation.
觉得这一段说的原因比上一段重要,建议提到前面

However, when the cost in money and jobs is getting too high for the nation to afford, the program aiming at saving the endangered animals and plates should be taken consideration seriously whether to carry on or to halt for a while. If the people in the country such as some African nations in which the demo may have enough food and clothes, the responsibility of the government at that time is not to save the animals and plants endangered yet the people endangered. Countries under comparatively developed condition should manage to find the balance point between the dilemma of developing the economy and saving the species with the sacrifice of money and jobs.
这里最好说重点不能放在保护动物上,不要说halt,容易冲淡主题
最后还可以说寻求国际支援，因为保护动物是全人类的义务

In conclusion, in the modern society individuals are facing the problem our forefathers left, while making new problems everyday to the next or even next and next generations. The government has to find a wise method to save the species endangered under the man-made terrible living situation, yet to sacrifice the benefits of the people as little as possible.
结构很不错,用词语句都规规矩矩,逻辑毛病也没你说的那么多
限时能写成这样，肯定刻苦练过，值得我学习

so猫UID: 148633

~文字有点凌乱，呵呵要改进一下！意思很轻清楚：）
开头第一段好像太简单了一点，可以把保护的理由说一下
倒数第二段，我觉得有点问题，事实上贫穷的国家会陷入一个怪圈：经济不行，但由于要生存，就滥砍滥伐，无度开采矿产资源----生态恶化------贫困-----滥砍滥伐，
所以我觉得要从发达国家要帮助落后国家发展经济，保护环境入手！

文字凌乱是什么意思呀? 不是很明白? WALLIS GG可不可以进一步说明白一点 是句子的衔接凌乱 还是用词 还是整篇的逻辑~~~
倒数第二段我其实是想过那样写太绝对了 谢谢你的提议 我把提纲改了 呵呵 也顺带改了几个类似的提纲~~~

so猫UID: 148633

最初由 coolwits 发布
[B]Many biological species have died out in the past centuries. At present, nearly all the nations in the world are making efforts to save the endangered species-the orchids in the Brazilian rainforest, the takins on the Parmirs and etc. As far as I am concerned, it is necessary for all the nations to try their best to save such species, even the cost in the finance of which may be high.

Admittedly, the geological and environmental changes in eras have caused millions of species extinct, including some huge animal which has conquered the earth. It is reported once in a scientific magazine that the extinction of dinosaur is due to the change on the climate and temperature with a big meteor falling on the earth. Yet, a census according to a famous professor in the zoology area pointed out that the speed of extinction of animal nowadays is far quicker than the average of ten thousand in the past, with the proportion about 300 to 1. (这里最好进一步说明灭亡速度和人类的关系)The main reason lies in destruction and pollution of industrialization and modernization of the world. (这里是专家说的还是你说的？)In a word, in modern times, the extinction of species originated from the activities of human beings rather than the changes of geology. Government and individuals have to be responsible to the situation nowadays and manage to save （manage不妥，换成try ones best）the species which have suffered from the man-made destruction and pollution.
你说了是人类造成灭亡,最好再挑明了说人类必须为自己作过的事情负责,人性光辉云云

Sometimes (这里太小心了, sometimes最好放到后面)the protection of the endangered species not only can keep the natural balance but also can increase the development of the domestic financial. Take Brazilian government for instance. In the past ten years the government has executed a measurement to protect a kind of cherishing orchids in the rainforest along Amazon, which is sensitive to the acidity of the rain there. In the past with amounts of rainforests being cut down and the factories in the cities draining off carbon dioxide without limit, 90 percent of these orchids have disappeared on the market; these years with the measurement taken to forbid the cutting without limit and to shut off some small factories which do not meet the standard of the country, these beautiful flowers could be seen again. The export of these flowers has brought Brazil amounts of foreign exchange when in the last two year the financial crisis occuring in the South America. From this point of view, saving the endangered species is not a program wasting money, rather a measurement bringing treasure to the nation.
觉得这一段说的原因比上一段重要,建议提到前面
可是上一段在一定程度上来说 是这一段的铺垫啊
上一段说的是实际上物种灭亡还是人类的问题 可能是我上一段没有象你说的那样 把问题说的更严重一些 谢谢指导~~

However, when the cost in money and jobs is getting too high for the nation to afford, the program aiming at saving the endangered animals and plates should be taken consideration seriously whether to carry on or to halt for a while. If the people in the country such as some African nations in which the demo may have enough food and clothes, the responsibility of the government at that time is not to save the animals and plants endangered yet the people endangered. Countries under comparatively developed condition should manage to find the balance point between the dilemma of developing the economy and saving the species with the sacrifice of money and jobs.
这里最好说重点不能放在保护动物上,不要说halt,容易冲淡主题
最后还可以说寻求国际支援，因为保护动物是全人类的义务
发现问题了 刚WALLIS已经指出来了

In conclusion, in the modern society individuals are facing the problem our forefathers left, while making new problems everyday to the next or even next and next generations. The government has to find a wise method to save the species endangered under the man-made terrible living situation, yet to sacrifice the benefits of the people as little as possible.
结构很不错,用词语句都规规矩矩,逻辑毛病也没你说的那么多
限时能写成这样，肯定刻苦练过，值得我学习
学习就不敢当 以后大家多多帮助好了:)

[/B]

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

issue121
"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, process. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."
今天主要评这第一个body：
词法和语法上：
Admittedly, the geological and environmental changes in eras have caused millions of species extinct, including some huge animal which(animal that) has conquered (“conquer”这儿用的不太好，恐龙怎么能占领征服地球呢，只有火星人才用conquer吧。建议dominate)the earth. It is reported once in a scientific magazine that the extinction of dinosaur is due to the change on (of?) the climate and temperature (and只能连两个不互相包含的东西) with a big meteor falling on （falling on 写的像下雨，striking 如何？） the earth. Yet, a census according to a famous professor in the zoology area（in the zoology area->of zoology） pointed out that the speed of extinction of animal (你这儿指的是“生物”而不仅仅是“动物”吧，要不然逻辑上就有问题了) nowadays is far quicker than the average of ten thousand（years？） in the past, with the proportion about（about->of some） 300 to 1. The main reason lies in destruction and pollution of industrialization and modernization of the world. In a word, in modern times, the extinction of species originated from the activities of human beings rather than the changes of geology. Government and individuals have to be responsible to the situation nowadays and manage to save the species which（that） have suffered from the man-made（man-made 的意思是指“人造的”，而不是“人为的”吧？） destruction and pollution.

逻辑上：有三个论断性的句子逻辑有问题，或完全是unwarranted:
The main reason lies in destruction and pollution of industrialization and modernization of the world.（从前面的例子仅仅能得出的结论是近些时候物种灭门的速度快了…仅此而已，不是么？ 那紧接着的这个对于原因的判断是从何而来，没有依据，仅仅是猜测或是“常识”而已。这就是逻辑问题了。）

紧跟着的句子是解释了一下。可是并没有解决这个逻辑性问题。两个句子的意思完全一样，因而文中的作用和错误完全一样。

Government and individuals have to be responsible to the situation nowadays and manage to save the species that have suffered from the man-made destruction and pollution.（这种“号召式”的句子我劝大家还是不要写。我们从小受的作文教育是既然这个问题迫在眉睫而且很严重，那么政府和人民要行动起来干什么干什么。这个号召我们看来理所应当。但事实上是没有任何逻辑依据的：这个问题是政府和人民造成的么？这个问题政府和人民干活能一定管用么？是不是还有其他更迫在眉睫的事情需要投入和关注？）