Issue221 (No. 5) welcome to evaluate my issue.

jxkingUID: 141801

221. The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.

Recently, people are interested in talking about the problem of the value of study of history. If there is one--which I take leave to doubt--then it is created by those who have not a full appreciation of the chief benefit of studying history, and not those who have a profound standing on the value of history research and have largely got benefit from it. As far as I am concerned, I fervently believe that the study of history helps us break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.

First of all, the study of history places a profound influence of symbolizing the past and forecasting the future. As the principal of internal medicine in our hospital once asked us, "What should we try to rescue if the hospital is on fire?". Unfortunately, what most students answered did not suffice the principal. To our unutterable surprise, he told us that the most important and valuable thing that is worth rescuing from the fire is not the expensive device and equipments but the history, the hospital history which has recorded the patients' disease, including the creation, development, procession, diagnosis, treatment, prognosis and so on." This illustrates the point that the history bears a significant role instructing the clinical research and practice because the diseases people suffered from in one period of time are relatively similar or comparatively different from those in the other time.

In addition, the development of society in which human being exist are comparatively the same as or similar to another at the different period. For example, early in the ancient era, one of the most famous Chinese philosopher named Confucius had promulgated his thought between states. He suggested that the policies such as democratic reign, free press, and soothing the poverty should be applied to the government. Even nowadays, these rational and useful thoughts spread among the countries in the world. Because the social morphology and state have remained the relatively stable, and a great many of concrete problems that are settled for society is not the type of the human race so much as the period of social progress.  As a result, what the history implicates in the past plays a crucial role of instructing people's daily behavior and everyday work due to the people of different period usually face the similar questions and challenge.

To sum up, taking into account what have been discussed above, we can easily draw the conclusion that the study of history create a paramount influence on the establishment of the conviction that people of one period time have remained, to a larger extent, the same as those of another. Without the history, it is almost impossible for us human race to realize this valuable feature of society, and thus, it is high time for us that should lay much more emphasis on the study of history.

so猫UID: 148633

221. The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.

Recently, people are interested in talking about the problem of the value of study of history. If there is one--which I take leave to doubt（我个人很喜欢的用法）--then it is created by those who have not a full appreciation of the chief benefit of studying history, and（这个and放这里好别扭 干脆扔掉好了） not those who have a profound standing on the value of history research and have largely got benefit from it. As far as I am concerned, I（前面已经有了一个as far as I am concerned了 又来个I believe 罗嗦~） fervently believe that the study of history helps us break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.

First of all, the study of history places a profound influence of symbolizing the past and forecasting the future. As the principal of internal medicine in our hospital once asked us, "What should we try to rescue if the hospital is on fire?".（这个句号不要啦） Unfortunately, what most students answered did not suffice the principal.（问句的后面还是直接回答问题吧 老米喜欢直来直往的方式） To our unutterable surprise, he told us that the most important and valuable thing that is worth rescuing from the fire is not the expensive device and equipments but the history, （这里应该有一个but）the hospital history which has recorded the patients' disease, including the creation, development, procession, diagnosis, treatment, prognosis and so on." This illustrates the point that the history bears a significant role instructing the clinical research and practice because the diseases people suffered from in one period of time are relatively similar or comparatively different from those in the other time.写完了啊这一段 总结呢？

In addition, the development of society in which human being exist are（is） comparatively the same as or similar to another（差一个one吧 感觉） at（in） the different period. For example, early in the ancient era, one of the most famous Chinese philosopher（s） named Confucius had promulgated his thought between states（有between states这种说法吗？还不如就说from one state to another呢）. He suggested that the policies such as democratic reign, free press, and soothing the poverty should be applied to the government. Even nowadays, these rational and useful thoughts spread among the countries in the world. Because the social morphology and state have remained the relatively stable, and a great many of concrete problems that are settled（后面应该有一个down） for society is not the type of the human race so much as the period of social progress. As a result, what the history implicates in the past plays a crucial role of instructing people's daily behavior and everyday work due to the people of different period usually face the similar questions and challenge.

To sum up, taking into account what have been discussed above, we can easily draw the conclusion that the study of history create（s） a paramount influence on the establishment of the conviction that people of one period time have remained, to a larger extent, the same as those of another. Without the history, it is almost impossible for us human race to realize this valuable feature of society, and thus, it is high time for us that should lay much more emphasis on the study of history

我来还人情债啦 答应好久帮你改的 可是我最近自己状态很不好 写不出什么象样的东西
所以很多答应帮你改的东西都搁下了
今天来改一篇 可能在你考试之前 再给你改的机会也不是特别多了
对不住了啊

好 现在来说说文章
首先文章里面有很多的小错误 主要是动词单复数的使用 和一些短语的用法
总的感觉 你的文风已经不可能更改 属于比较平实型的那种 所以 我还是那样的观点 这种情况下 文章的逻辑性要比语言重要很多

再来说文章的逻辑
首先 body中只有两段 但好在两段说的意思还不是完全一样的 这样文章还比较饱满
但是（转折了~~~）
第一个body里面举医院失火的例子是说明历史（包括病历）的重要性
第二个body里孔子的例子 还是历史对现今社会仍然有非常重要的借鉴作用
问题在于
你看你两个body 中间的the study of history的study变哪去了？
整整两段说的都是历史好重要 但是对历史的研究和学习的重要性呢？？？
但要知道 后者才是你全文的关键啊 这两者不能等同的
诚然 历史的重要性是学习历史重要性和必要性的一个前提
但是前提毕竟只是前提
玉珠再好 仍需彩线
我个人认为 两个body文段后可以加一个说明 因为上文~~所以得出学习历史的重要性~~各种再加以分析举例
你原本的最后一端看的出是想做这样一番工作的  但是既当body的总结 又当全文的点睛之笔未免压力太大了 建议把这段分析透彻 把总结上两个body 和全文最后回到the study of history的两段分开

好了 今天很罗嗦 说了这么多 也要为我总是不来帮忙道歉
也不知道状态能不能回来 还有没有机会给你再改一点 所以狠狠的改了一下
我也没什么好说的 总之祝你成功~~~

angel_naliUID: 148055

基本同意楼上的说法。
至于论证我提一些不同看法。我个人认为本题的论证重点应该放在：study history的benefits上，而且重点地论证应该围绕在对过去历史的理解程度上。本文部分的强调了重要性，但对于益处论证深度不够。我想或许有时间可以用另外的段落补充一下。
还有我仍然坚持我的观点：既然你已经形成了自己的套路，就请贯彻到底。你所能做的，就释放轻松心态，平和的应对考试。
祝顺利。：）

jxkingUID: 141801

thank you for evaluation, I accept that I did not comprehen the title complete and thus made a fallacy.
I will pay more attention on this and thank cat very much.