issue5 revised by paisley

xxsuperzxUID: 131892

issue5
A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.


According to the title statement, a nation should require all its student to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer. In my opinion, however, to study the same national curriculum until students enter college is important, while allowing schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer is necessary.So the best way is to combine a required national core curriculum with additional ethnic courses.

On the one hand, studying the same national curriculum which is required by nation is equality for students. In different parts of the nation, students study the same crriculum until they enter college. Thus, they obtain the same opportunity when they compete with each other. Each one study the same course, there is no different to any one. With the same crriculum, if they want to do better than others, they must work more hard, there is no chance to lazing. If there are different courses in different parts of the nation, maybe the course in one part of the nation is easier for studying than others, thus imbalance come out, so is unquality to those students whose courses are not so easy. Therefore, studying the same curriculum is benefit to students.

On the other hand, establish the same curriculum is benefit to university. It is more easily to select course materials for freshman, if all students of the nation study the same course before they enter the university. Since they study the same courses, the same knowledge which is necessary in university is no different, so the materials can be use the same kind which university select for the freshman. If allowing schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer, what kinds of the course materials should be use for freshman must be a big problem. Maybe the students in this part of the nation have learned this subject, but the students in other parts of the nation have not learned it before. Thus, to university,it is hard to select course materials for freshman.

However, it does not mean that schools have no freedom to choose any course for their students. In fact, it is more benefit to schools to offer some uncompulsory subject for students to select. In this way, students can get more comprehensive information, also it is a good way to raise the interest of students.

In summary, it is very likely that people will never be able to arrive at the same conclusion on this controversial issue. But, the reasons which I have analyzed will make them to aware of the complexities of this issue. So, there is no doubt that more and more people will come to realize that it is a good way to combine a required national core curriculum with additional ethnic courses.

paisleyUID: 64183

issue5
A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.


According to the title statement（该词多余）, a nation should require all its student to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer（你这是完全重复题目，不能叫做according to the title）. In my opinion, however, to study the same national curriculum until students enter college is important, while allowing schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer is necessary（一个是important，一个是necessary，是不是两个都重要呢？那就不应该用however）.So（后面的句子并不是从前面的句子推理出来的，不能用so） the best way is to combine a required national core curriculum with additional ethnic courses.

On the（the多余） one hand, studying the same national curriculum which is required by nation（最好是central government） is equality（应是equal） for students. In different parts of the nation, students study the same crriculum （拼写错误）until they enter college. Thus, they obtain the same opportunity when they compete with each other. Each one（one多余） study （应是studies）the same course, there is no different （应是difference）to any one（是anyone，中间不应该有空格）. With the same crriculum（拼写错误）, if they want to do better than others, they must work more hard（hard的比较级是harder不是more hard）, there is no chance to lazing（语法上就错了，而且用的不好，最好用to slack off）. If there are different courses in different parts of the nation, maybe the course in one part of the nation is easier for studying than others, thus imbalance come （应是comes）out, so is unquality （应是inequality）to those students whose courses are not so easy. Therefore, studying the same curriculum is benefit to students.
你这段的说理没有说清楚。课程不一样是否会导致不公平？你糊里糊涂就说过去了，没有说到点子上。至于学生会偷懒，更不是道理。即便在同一个班级里也有勤奋的和偷懒的学生，这跟课程设置毫无关系。至于不公平，主要体现在课程和教材的设置上。如果由当地政府和教育局来编写，势必受到当地的经济政治文化因素的很大影响。发达地区的课程和教材一定眼界开阔，着眼于未来和世界，更多元化，更注重学生的自主思考能力，这是跟当地普遍的眼界和心态有关系的。但是往往忽略他们忘记的较弱势的人群。比如上海的课程和教材就很少提到农民、牧民、渔民的生活怎么样，这不利于发达地区的学生在幼年的时候就形成对这些他们视野以外的人群的关心。而落后地区则相反。

On the other hand, establish （动词做主语应该加ing）the same curriculum is benefit （beneficial）to university. It is more easily（应是easy） to select course materials for freshman（应是freshmen）, if all students of the nation study the same course before they enter the university. Since they study the same courses, the same knowledge which is necessary in university is no different（词句费解）, so the （这里最好加个teaching）materials can be use（应是used） the same kind which university select for the freshman. If allowing schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer, what kinds of the course materials should be use（应是used） for freshman must be a big problem. Maybe the students in this part of the nation have learned this subject, but the students in other parts of the nation have not learned it before. Thus, to university,it is hard to select course materials（尽量避免老用一样的词，这里可以用textbooks） for freshman. 这里其实可以举例。

However, it does not mean that schools have no freedom to choose any course for their students. In fact, it is more benefit（应是beneficial） to schools to offer some uncompulsory（选修课即electives，后面的subject不要了） subject for students to select. In this way, students can get more comprehensive information, also it is a good way to raise the interest of students.

In summary, it is very likely that people will never be able to arrive at the same conclusion on this controversial issue. But, the reasons which I have analyzed will make them（谁？前面没有交代） to aware of the complexities of this issue. So, there is no doubt that more and more people will come to realize that it is a good way to combine a required national core curriculum with additional ethnic courses （ethnic courses这一点你完全没有论证，就你自己的主题而言偏题了很多。不过也方便，拿掉这个词就行了）. 结尾很牵强，你的论证都是说你自己这方的理由，没有论述对方的可能性，并没有看出有什么complex的地方。这个摸板套的不好，换一个吧，如果你来不及想自己的结尾。

其实我跟你的观念是相反的，所以你这篇的道理，我想替你说清楚，也很难。主要是我不在这个立场上。但是你的文章还是很难让人信服。说理都很含糊，在表面上。

虽然是掐时间写的，还是麻烦你在写完之后多检查几遍，你的拼写错误和语法错误都不少，这靠论坛上别人帮你改几次是解决不了最终问题的，一定要靠自己。希望这次我帮你改的语法错误你能牢牢地记住，下次不要再犯。不要看过就算了。如果对改的地方有不懂的，请提出来。如果我没有回复的话请发悄悄话给我。

字数太少是表面问题，关键是你脑子里"存货"不多，对这些问题没有思考过，没话可说. 解决办法，一是多参与大家的讨论，二是多看书多思考。

建议你看看精华区的范文，分析他们是怎么说理的。还有这篇文章里讲的思路，非常值得学习。https://bbs.gter.net/showthre ... =%BD%CC%C2%DF%BC%AD


你这篇文章，类似的和相关的文章可能有许多前人写过，或者还有范文。你可以搜索一下，对照一下这些文章。 或参照置顶的帖子。


希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。尤其是提点结构上和想法上的建议。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦！我想你可能对自己的水平没信心，但是你只要参与别人的讨论，自己的思路也会打开，改变目前说理不透彻的情况。到目前为止你都是闷头写，几乎从来没有参与过别人的讨论，闭门造车行不通的，尤其对基础不是太好的同学。真的。

xxsuperzxUID: 131892

感谢paisley的修改，我才发现有这么多拼写错误和语法错误， 汗颜……，一定记得下次写完多检查几遍再贴。 在写的时候的确感到可以写的东西太少， 很多地方连自己都觉得很含糊，总是觉得说不清楚。范文和前人的相关文章也有看，确实有收获。至于参与讨论嘛，呵呵……看了不少，不过自己想到的别人都贴完了，别人贴的自己还要想半天才能想清楚。庶皆驽钝  庶皆驽钝呀。 唉  不知道大家是不是都有这种情况呢

paisleyUID: 64183

其实也没有什么能非常快的提高的办法，但是就像我上面说的，关键是你脑子里"存货"不多，对这些问题没有思考过，没话可说. 解决办法，一是多参与大家的讨论，二是多看书多思考。

现在你的时间不多，要抓紧多思考多练习才好