ISSUE8 galaxysong评价

fenghua8385UID: 137789

8. It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public.


When looking back, people would be surprised at the fact that the popular belief of being informed with any information in the society is often disobeyed. There are many times, however, that certain information are withheld to the public in the purpose of serving the interest of the people. Hence, I agree with the speaker that it is often necessary for the political leaders to withhold information from the public.

Considering various kinds of pressers from all levels of society, when making some crucial decisions, it is obviously necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public. Compared to political leaders who target at the benefit of the society as a whole, individual tends to be near-sighted with merely bonus driven motives. For instance, facing the embarrassment of the gloomy situation of hundreds of public-founding enterprises in China, Chinese political leaders made an immediate decision to transform the traditional collectivism to a more effective system. Such renovation would surely sacrifice some people's interest for they could no longer be fed without working but instead been laid off, yet, be beneficial for the interest of the whole society. Therefore, political leaders withheld the information to the public until the day the renovation was reinforced. In such cases, those seemingly opaqueness of information is, in fact, serving for the best of the society.

The steadiness of the society and the serenity of people's life are based on the healthy circumstance of the society. The dissemination of certain information may threaten public safety and perhaps national security as well. Withholding the information from the public, on the contrary, is conducive to the sound development of the society. The just past SARS disease is a case in point. In the very beginning of the emergence of SARS, the leaders excluded the public from knowing it, thus gave experts some precious time to research on this odd disease. Suppose the leaders presented the information on the very moment the disease appeared, experts would hardly have any time to do the research and investigation but be obsessed with people's perplexed questions and dreadful worries. Another instance is the top secret of a country, like the technology of making missiles. If all the people have access to this information, the respectively peaceful life we have now would be out of the question.

Admittedly, the opaqueness of some information must be within a limit. Withholding all kinds of information means monopoly. Moreover, as the hosts of the country and the society, people have rights in knowing what has happened to them and what is going to happen in the future. In this way, people can better protect themselves from the impairness of their properties and their privileges as well.

A wise political leader is one who can evaluate and anticipate the consequences of revealing certain information and then informing the public at the most suitable time and occasion.


1小时10分钟


这是我第4篇ISSUE了，不知道能到个什么档次。

太傅UID: 146494

奉天承运，皇帝诏约：
顶一个！

fenghua mm举的SARS的例子很不错，值得借鉴。但是看你行文逻辑性还是不够强，望以后多加学习。

钦此~！

有朋自远方来，不亦乐乎

galaxysongUID: 152834

认真的imong没来发言，我也很认真，替他接招一回。

When looking back, people would be surprised at the fact that the popular belief of being informed with any information in the society is often disobeyed [有disobey belief的用法吗？]. There are many times, however, that certain information are withheld to [from] the public in the purpose of serving the interest [interests] of the people. Hence, I agree with the speaker that it is often necessary for the political leaders to withhold information from the public.

[开头给人的感觉怪怪的。一般的范文开头都很八股，如果只是为了考试，最好依葫芦画瓢。]

Considering [不如Under] various kinds of pressers [pressure] from all levels of society, when making some crucial decisions[make的主语是political leaders，但后面的主语形式上是it，实际上是for...从句，前后不一致], it is obviously [你的逻辑跳了一步，实际上并不obviously] necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public. Compared to political leaders who target at the benefit of the society as a whole, individual tends to be near-sighted [short-sighted] with merely bonus driven motives [with后这个短语是自创的还是学来的？]. For instance, facing the embarrassment of the gloomy situation of hundreds of public-founding [state-owned和public-founding还是不一样的；国营企业的资金来自中央和地方政府，并非public] enterprises in China, Chinese political leaders made an immediate decision to transform the traditional collectivism to a more effective system. Such renovation [renovation的程度不如reform] would surely sacrifice some people's interest for they could no longer be fed without working but instead been laid off, yet, be beneficial for the interest of the whole society. Therefore, political leaders withheld the information to the public until the day the renovation was reinforced. [这是事实吗？] In such cases, those seemingly [seeming，不过从上文看，为什么说seeming？] opaqueness of information is, in fact, serving for the best of the society.

The steadiness [（立场的）坚定性？是stability吧？] of the society and the serenity [自然风光？] of people's life [单数？] are based on the healthy circumstance of the society. The dissemination of certain information may threaten public safety and perhaps national security as well.[这一中心句应当作为段落之首。] Withholding the information from the public, on [to] the contrary, is conducive to the sound development of the society. The just past SARS disease is a case in point. In the very beginning of the emergence of SARS, the leaders excluded the public from knowing it, [and] thus gave experts some precious time to research on this odd disease. Suppose the leaders presented the information on the very moment the disease appeared, experts would hardly have any time to do the research and investigation but be obsessed with people's perplexed questions and dreadful worries. Another instance is the top secret of a country, like the technology of making missiles. If all the people have access to this information, the respectively peaceful life we have now would be out of the question [out of the question是俚语，坚决表示没有可能，不受条件限制，怎么能自相矛盾地跟if从句呢？].

[SARS的例子恰恰相反，说明了有些突发的事件需要迅速而有力地取得社会公众的关注和合作，否则会造成严重的后果。SARS初期一些知情的人故意隐瞒不报，且不排除得到中央的默许，结果最后纸包不住火，导致SARS几乎不受控制地蔓延开来。放在下一段正合适。]

Admittedly, the opaqueness of some information must be within a limit. Withholding all kinds of information means monopoly[这可是经济学上的概念，你想说的其实是专制吧？]. Moreover, as the hosts of the country and the society, people have rights in knowing what has happened to them [应该是country，否则前半句有什么意义呢？] and what is going to happen in the future. In this way, people can better protect themselves from the impairness [有动词加ness的吗？] of their properties and their privileges as well.

A wise [一般没有这么形容political leader的（虽然wise总是好的），responsible and competent比较合适。] political leader is one who can evaluate and anticipate [谁先谁后？] the consequences of revealing certain information and then informing the public at the most suitable time and occasion.

1小时10分钟写成这样，已经很强了。我还达不到这个速度，正在努力中。
以后我发的文章也请你批吧。

fenghua8385UID: 137789

和和~~
今天才上网 看见你帮我批改的文章

恩，有些语言点很中肯：） THX！
SARS的例子是觉得没有用到很好  不怎么好用我觉得

谢拉~