wglxh的写作建议上篇：给写作新手们

wglxhUID：152604

给寄托作文版改了几篇作文以后，发现几乎都存在以下问题：

1。最重要的是内容与逻辑，表达不到位是次要的。虽然事实上每个题目几乎都可以从不同方面展开，但关键是要“自圆其说”。用连接词有助于使文章结构显的紧密，但主要还是依靠内容的逻辑性。有位G友，三个开头段都用了HOWEVER，转来转去，须知HOWEVER和BUT在语气上的强弱程度差很多，一篇短文在主要观点上，最多有一个HOWEVER。关于这方面，写完之后自己译成中文就能大致有所体会了。

2。语法错误问题：为什么在上传之前不用XP中的WORD检查一下呢？这样的话，由于错误太多，修改者根本无暇顾及你的文章内容。我改的文章几乎句句有错，根本没办法全改。尤其值得一提的是主谓不一致现象，几乎人人都犯，好多G友爱写长句子，但遗憾的是我至今还没看见写的长且能表达对意思的，往往只是多加了几
个修饰词或插入了一到两个从句就“找不着北”了，有时候去掉这些装饰，一看句子的主干（主谓宾）极其搞笑。

3。语言问题：想到几个就说几个，不一定是死规则，但遵守这几点会让文章看起来规范好多。（这些“规则”几乎在任何母语是英语的人所写的学术或规范写作教材中都能找到）
A。能用动词表达的坚决不用名词：这样使句子看起来简洁且有节奏感。比如：有位G友这么写：in the spread of culture(前面好象是一长句），这样就不如改为in spreading culture.

B.尽量不用phrasal verb.几乎每个短语都能找到贴切的某个动词直接代替。

C。被动语态可免则免，记住：被动语态的句子远远达不到你在汉语中期望的被动句那么强烈或流畅的效果。为什么高版本WORD中，“语法检测”功能一看见被动语态句子就坚决建议修改？！

D。非书面语的词不要出现：一篇文章中出现一两个这样的词，就会使整篇很有说服力的文章看起来不伦不类。比如典型的GET，有G友用其表示“得到”，口语中没错，文章中很不合适。

E。用词要灵活一些，不要反复用一个词，有时候重复的让人看的直想上吊。背那么多GRE词干什么用啊？世界上有种东西叫THESAURUS， 没听说过哪个经常写作的老外不用的。中国人就更不在话下了，查啊！！

  暂时就想到这么多，大家继续努力吧。毕竟，5分要比4分强太多了。

realturtleUID：69047

嗯，写得很好，谢谢！^_^
另外，请楼主可否把问题写详细些，比如每个问题举例子然后给出正确的写法
这样更有指导性和针对性
并且G友们就知道自己有无犯类似毛病了

imongUID：140258

这个非常好，总结得很到位。:)

blueqiaoUID：111634

谢谢。
楼主是高手啊。写的太好了。

galaxysongUID：152834

写得好。
我补充一点：
现在新人涌现。发帖者众，改帖者少。由不少文章都快被挤出首页了，仍没有人回，是在可怜，给人一种难民营的感觉。相应地，得不到回应者对别人的帖子的参与也不会太积极。长此以往，恶性循环下去，若到了“人人不为我，我不为人人”，论坛的价值就没了。
我的建议是，与其抱着渺茫的希望，空等不认识的不知水平的G友的批改，不如先积极批改别人的文章，然后找出几位合适的人选，加以联络，争取为相对亲密得多的朋友，结成相互批改、共同进步的小团体。这样，每发一帖，就可以期待有人注意甚至留意；每评一帖，就可以期待被评者日后相应回报。此乃良性循环，天天向上。我和l-sunshine及walis就经常相互“掐”来“掐”去，效果显著。

amorzUID：1

楼主写的很棒。

galaxysong的倡议很不错！

无奈花落去UID：141145

很好的文章，一看就是经过专业训练的呢！

感谢！

poohUID：146994

"被动语态可免则免，记住：被动语态的句子远远达不到你在汉语中期望的被动句那么强烈或流畅的效果。为什么高版本WORD中，“语法检测”功能一看见被动语态句子就坚决建议修改？！"
是吗？ 你是以文学的标准来衡量的？我不同意。被动可以使essay看起来更客观，更有说服力。 其他说的都很有道理，佩服

wglxhUID：152604

楼上的说法不对,被动语态的句子最好只用在实在没有明确主语的句子中,多见于科技写作或很专业的写作中,如果用BY加一个主语的话,效果是很糟糕的.你可以去查任何一本好的写作书,然后自己体会个中区别.另外,这绝不是文学标准,而是规范的论文或学术标准.

meloncollieUID：138374

不错的几点，值得好好学习，但对于3、B那条本人不是很理解，phrasal verb应如何解释？是词组和单个动词之间的关系？希望能看到进一步的分析

ValentinerUID：121676

那可是为什么我在新东方上课的时候,老师说,英语中地道的用法是被动多,名词化现像多呢,似乎和楼主的意见正好相反呢!

poohUID：146994

我查了一下，这个作者很客观的分析了被动语态，是否用的恰当要分情况。
“如果用BY加一个主语的话,效果是很糟糕的”
上面说可以用by+suject 来表示强调这个主语，任何事情都不是绝对的，而不是像你说的看起来很糟糕，是不是有点sujective?
The Passive Engineer

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Question:Why do engineers write in the passive voice? How can we avoid this?
Bill H., PE
Denver, CO


Answer: You're right: Engineers use the passive voice a lot. But so do scientists, business people, and nearly all academics. Why? It is certainly not because these professionals are a placid, submissive lot.

Engineers and others rely on the passive voice for three reasons:

The Passive Sounds Objective
Using I or We Sounds Unprofessional
The Passive Emphasizes Results

All three appeal to professional motives; but two of these reasons are based on bad logic.




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First Bad Reason: "The Passive Sounds Objective"
Engineers and scientists value objectivity. They do not want their consideration of the data contaminated by personal whims and prejudices. The passive sounds so distant and authoritative. Writers think they are simply stating an emotionless truth — and not just expressing their opinion.

How much more professional it sounds (we think) to say: "It may be noted that under certain conditions alternative paradigms might be considered" — rather than, "We could look at this data another way."

Why the First Reason Is Unsound:

Objectivity — to the extent we can apply the term to any human quality — lies in our thinking and in our choice of actions. If you used a rational (objective) method to collect and analyze your data and worked honestly and carefully, your work is objective. If you "cooked the books" or worked sloppily, your work is not objective.

Writers do not compromise their professional objectivity by speaking and writing clearly. Writers cannot rectify slanted or inadequate work by using the passive construction.




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Second Bad Reason: "Using 'I' or 'We' Sounds Unprofessional"
Many scientists and engineers have told me their professors castigated them for using "I" or "we." First person accounts were just not professional, and using the passive voice seemed the only way to avoid the forbidden pronouns.

Why the Second Reason Is Unsound:

Once again, using the passive does not make writing objective or more professional. Using personal pronouns does not, in itself, make writing subjective or unprofessional. But as you can see in the Good Reason's example, the professors may not have meant to encourage the passive construction so much as to discourage tedious writing.

We may also have political reasons to use the passive and shun "I" and "we." The passive construction is a convenient way to avoid taking responsibility. And in corporate life, writing actively may make us sound uppity, as though we had ideas and convictions. How much safer it feels to write "It is recommended that this new policy be implemented at once" than "We recommend implementing the new policy now." The passive construction helps us cloud the issue and preserve the status quo (and our jobs) another day.

Sometimes issues should be clouded. Harsh statements, for example, can be softened with the passive.




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At Last! A Good Reason to Use the Passive
The nature of scientific and technical report writing often requires using the passive voice. Professional reports emphasize results and the objects of actions. The actor (who produced the results or acted on the object) is less important. Without the passive construction, report writers would emphasize the wrong information:


"First we subjected the blintzer coils to the Hinzlefetzer stress test. Then we measured the stress effects in bluto units. We found an unusually low aggregation of blutomin in the coil material. Then we initiated another round of tests. Finally, we ordered out for pizza and diet cola."
Please note: Even in reports, the active construction may convey your meaning better. For instance, status reports should identify actors (unless they really want to hide!):

Not: The project was managed successfully.
[. . . by invisible people from the Planet Zonar?]

But: We managed the project successfully.
[. . . and we're proud of it!]



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When and How to Use the Passive
Here are a few guidelines, with examples, for using the passive construction wisely and well. These examples will also show you how to rewrite a passive into an active construction.

What Is the Passive Construction?

When Is It All Right to Be Passive?

When Is the Passive the Wrong Choice?




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What Is the Passive Construction?
Many verbs have a passive form. The passive construction inverts the active word order to emphasize what happened, rather than who did it:

Active:
I repaired the computer.

Passive:
The computer was repaired by me.

Notice three things about this transformation of active order into passive order:

The object of the active sentence —"the computer"— becomes the subject of the passive sentence.

The passive verb has two parts: a form of the verb "be" ("was") and the past participle of the main verb ("repaired"). Other forms of the verb "be" include these: am, is, are, were, have been, had been, will have been. Other examples of past participles (which are not the same as the past tense, even when they look the same!) include "seen," "shown," and "swum."


The actor is now part of a prepositional phrase ("by me"). Passive constructions let you omit the actor altogether:

Passive:

The computer was repaired.



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When Is It All Right to Be Passive?
When You Want to Emphasize Results
Despite the admonitions of grammar checkers, the passive construction has a legitimate function. When you want to emphasize results, use the passive. Consider this statement, written three ways. Which is preferable?

Active:
Our clients followed our advice.
[The emphasis falls on "our clients."]

Passive:
Our advice was followed by our clients.
Our advice was followed.
[The emphasis falls on "our advice."]

None of these is inherently better than the others: It depends on what you wish to emphasize.



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When the Sentence Does Not Need an Actor
Sometimes the active construction is easier to understand. But sometimes the passive construction is the clearest way to express your meaning. You must choose the construction that best says what you mean. On these occasions the passive construction is a better choice:


When the actor is not important ("The solution was heated to 100º").

When the actor is unknown ("The jewelry has been stolen").

When you do not wish to name the actor ("One thousand dollars has been contributed").



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When Is the Passive the Wrong Choice?
The passive construction will be confusing or wordy in these situations:

When you write instructions.


When "it" is the subject of the passive verb.




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1. Instructions
Write instructions with active or imperative verbs — never with passive verbs. Instructions must focus on the action. Instructions must also indicate the actor.

Passive constructions frequently omit the actor so the reader cannot tell who should be doing what. Passive verbs use the past participle and thus cannot direct action. Because of these intrinsic features, the passive construction produces vague and confusing instructions:


Passive:
It should be noted that any change to the procedure must be recorded in the master file.


Active/ Imperative:
Note: When you change the procedure, record the change in the master file.


Passive:
Static-sensitive components are stored in protective enclosures.

Active/ Imperative:
Store static-sensitive components in protective enclosures.


Passive:
The form must be signed by the employee to authorize release of physician information to the insurance company.


Active:
The employee must sign the form to authorize release of physician information to the insurance company.


Imperative:
Sign the form to authorize release of physician information to the insurance company.




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2. "It" as a Subject
Delete "it should be noted that," "it is expected that," "it is recommended that," "it may be observed that," and similar constructions. I have yet to see an instance when a passive construction using "it" as the subject clarifies anything.

Passive:
It should be noted that any modification may seriously impact our present transmission rate and/or our system production.

Active:
Any modification may seriously impact our present transmission rate and/or our system production.


Passive:
It is recommended that this new policy be instituted at once.

Active:
We recommend instituting this new policy at once.

Imperative:
Institute this new policy at once.


Passive:
It has been agreed that additional journal and log offloads will be run on production.

Active :
We have agreed to run additional journal and log offloads on production.

Imperative:
Run additional journal and log offloads on production.




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Grammar Checker Note: You do not have to live with the default setting on your grammar checker. Most grammar checkers let you select the features ("long sentences," "wordiness," "passive constructions") you wish to note. Many offer a menu of different pre-set styles, from "technical report" to "advertising."

So, if you are writing a report on an experiment, disable the passive voice feature. Conversely, if you are preparing a user's guide or other set of instructions, make sure that feature is turned on.

Back to the text




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From Writing by Design: Better Documents in Less Time, ©1996, H. F. Moody, PhD

wglxhUID：152604

对上面三为G友的回应
1.PHRASAL VERB就是动词短语,我们背过单词的人都知道英文词汇之丰富,而众多词汇中最难掌握的是动词,期间的细微差别实在关键.非我这样的水平敢妄自谈论的.但是,非口语化的正规写作要求尽量少使用动词短语,一来因为不如单个动词简洁,二来短语表意不是很精确.而且确实是"太口语化".什么是口语?无非就是为了便于交流而在尽量少的词汇基础上变化出尽量多的意思,所以产生了众多的短语,而且大多短语都有N种意思,尽量不用吧.举个例子,口语中我们说"克服某种困难",可以说get over it,甚至不用遵守语法规则而用get it over,相当随意和灵活.但在规范写作中你这么用会笑掉人大牙,合适的用法是overcome,or surpass当然这两个词仍然有区别.回去查WEBSTER的SYNONOMOUS体会一下吧.
2.新东方老师水平参差不齐,以上的说法用于科技写作还是可以的,用于其他地方嘛,谬误!
3.很感谢POOH发的东西,但很抱歉我不能苟同.
首先,我很同意你的"不能绝对化"的说法,确实有用被动的地方,否则它早被淘汰了.有时处于变换句式考虑用一下,但是在我一千多字的习作中被动的句子都被老师一一枪毙,何论这么短的文章?
其次,语言是约定俗成的东西.你所发的那位作者看起来是搞语言的.但是他对我们学术论文中使用被动语态的批评全都站不住脚!我不详细展开了,说的太多你也没兴趣.举两件事吧,其一,如果你在学术论文中使用"I THINK"之类的词句,你不改编辑也要改,编辑不改读者也要反对.你以为自己是谁?谁在乎你在想什么?让观点自己说话!ETS已经很宽容了,在我们的学术写作课上,"I"等代词是坚决禁止的.现在汉语的论文中也逐渐向西方学术规范靠拢,尽量淡化作者本人,非出现"我"的时候也往往用"笔者"代替.其二,曾经法兰西学院的老头们想费尽心思改革法语,最终失败.以他们的才华尚且不可能,为什么?!!再想想我们中国,汉字读音校准表几乎年年有,谁在乎?你见过几个人用对过"差强人意"这个词?这个词是指"很不错,离完美不远了"但相信几十年后,字典上的意思就会变成"不行,不让人满意"了.所以说,学术写作的规范一旦确立很难更改,我们应该尽量模仿."职业不职业"的评价出现在"外行"口中不是很牵强么?

红蝎子UID：103082

wglxh，非常感谢你的热心和认真！
说的真好！
佩服你呢！

关于你们争论的“主动”“被动”问题，我在一看到你的帖子的时候，也几乎想和你辩论了；
我只说一下自己的看法：
你这样解释确实纠正了大家对你首帖的误解了－－－－被动语态的句子最好只用在实在没有明确主语的句子中,多见于科技写作或很专业的写作中！
我最近一直在写paper，一直在用被动语态，所以身有体会！
但是我觉得pooh说的也很有道理，论文中使用被动是为了使essay看起来更客观，更有说服力。
于我自己来说，我在写issue时尽量多“主动”，表达我自己观点；而在argument的文章里，我倾向于多使用一些被动句，尤其是在反驳某个观点时，这样我觉得还是不错的。：）

你说呢？

KaliUID：110664

Personally I prefer the passive style....but I guess that's because I was trained to write in it, heheh. It looks professional and subjective, that's all.