[分享]每日一评！2.10！一篇虎头蛇尾的文章——老外也头疼

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每日一评：一篇虎头蛇尾的文章——老外也头疼
Issue98
"Colleges and universities should offer more courses on popular music, film, advertising, and television because contemporary culture has much greater relevance for students than do arts and literature of the past."
关于艺术的题材，有一段时间是一个典型头疼题目（不知道现在的情况），看看人家怎么写的。

The speaker asserts that the curriculum of colleges and universities should emphasize popular culture--music, media, literature, and so forth rather than literature and art of the past, for the reason that the former is more relevant to students. I strongly disagree.观点是完全反对 Although courses in popular culture do play a legitimate role in higher education,在这里首先做出必要的界定，这也是一边倒中的避免偏激，更重要的是避免把自己绕进去的很好的做法 formal study of the present culture at the expense of studying past cultures can undermine the function of higher education, and ultimately provide a disservice to students and to society.好，at the expense of …. 接 and ultimately，观点清晰流畅。

Admittedly,看到admittedly就知道要干什么了：让步 course work in popular culture is legitimate and valuable for three reasons. First, popular culture is a mirror of society's impulses and values. Thus, any serious student of the social sciences, as well as students of media and communications, should take seriously the literature and art of the present. Secondly, in every age and culture some worthwhile art and literature emerges from the mediocrity. Few would disagree, for example, that 举例语气强，是一个闪光点：当然这种口吻不能拿来写明显违背common sense的东西 the great modem-jazz pioneers such as Charlie Parker and Thelonius Monk, and more recently Lennon and McCarmey, and Stevie Wonder, have made just as lasting a contribution to music as some of the great classical musicians of previous centuries. Thirdly, knowledge of popular films, music, and art enables a person to find common ground to relate to other people. This leads to better communication between different subcultures. 列举三个短支持在让步段，基本上还算是到位的。

Nevertheless, 可以说，前面如果有admittedly的话后面基本上是一定会出现However/nevertheless/yet/…这种词的，这就是行文线索，breadcrumb in the road是也 emphasizing the study of popular culture at the expense of studying classical art and literature can carry harmful consequences for students, as well as for society. Without the benefit of historical perspective gained through the earnest study of the art and literature of the past, it is impossible to fully understand, appreciate, and critique literature and art of the present. 论据之一 Moreover, by approaching popular culture without any yardstick for quality it is impossible to distinguish mediocre art from worthwhile art. 递进出论据之二 Only by studying the classics can an individual develop fair standards for judging popular works. Besides, emphasis on the formal study of popular culture is unnecessary. Education in popular culture is readily available outside the classroom---on the Internet, through educational television programming, and through the sorts of everyday conversations and cross-talk that occur at water coolers and in the coffee houses of any college campus. 从另一个角度说明unnecessary.

In sum, while the study of popular literature and art can be worthwhile, it has to be undertaken in conjunction with an even greater effort to learn about the literature and art of the past. In the absence of the latter, our universities will produce a society of people with no cultural perspective, and without any standards for determining what merits our attention and nurtures society. 结尾的论点值得我们借鉴

这篇文章在Nevertheless之前，可以说一切还算顺利，尤其是开篇的论点，如果按照顺序铺展下去，会相当的精彩。但是到了第三段“蛇尾”就开始了：第三段应该是论述的主体段，可是这一段明显缺乏有力的例子来支持，相比上面的Few would disagree的霸气而言相当的底气不足。值得一提的是，第三段提到的三个论据都是比较到位，但是如果没有深入地展开，这个论据本身就难以让人信服。原因在于前两点与其说是客观发生的事实，不如说是一种opinion（而且并非common sense），用这样的小opinion来支撑大的opinion，这样造出来的产品地基是不扎实的。当然，第三点关于availability of pop culture则是本身比较单薄。

和280其他一些essay比较起来，这样单薄的essay还是比较少见（但是和我们这里的一部分文章却有很大的相似），不知道是不是老外对于这个题目也犯晕？回到刚才的评价，这篇文章的大小论点都是很贴切而到位的，但是第三段的anticlimax实在扫兴，完全应该做到的是把第三段的内容拆开为两部分各写一段，然后在各个opinion后面填上准确的例子，文章的充实程度和力度会大大增加。如果只是现在的情况不改动，拿到5分恐怕相当困难。