issue207 第一次限时模考~~~

so猫UID: 148633

issue207
"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies of groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

The definition of the concept of culture, which is so complicated that experts in different fields such as sociology, anthropology-or even psychology sometimes, have variable opinions, was confined by many factors, while the rituals and ceremonies help determine it to certain extent. However, I take my conservation about the above words saying that without the rituals and ceremonies, it is impossible for groups of people in societies to have a clear sense of the status and identity of themselves in society.

Rituals and ceremonies are certainly the most important factors in determining process of the definition of a culture, since usually they are the most obvious symbol of a culture. People tend to relate to the religion about Catholic when they imagine the ceremony on Christmas, which plays an important role in the culture of Western societies such as European and North American countries. Meanwhile it is easy to distinguish the unique culture from others if people mention something about the taboo of eating cooked food for a month as a procession in the religion ceremony of Islam, which is popular in many Asian countries. The difference in the variable cultures hide in the diversity of rituals and ceremonies, however strong or subtle, to extent to which people could tell what culture it may be from the clues in the description of ceremonies and rituals.

When born in a specific culture with unique rituals and ceremonies, one could find himself more easily where he belonged to and who really are. The same things happen on the societies and groups. People when they are young could simply distinguish his own cultures from others due to the help of home education and personal experience on rituals and the information about the ceremonies of his nation from the stories and televisions. The societies and groups, although they have the ability to seek for the proper place for them and stick to it, can suspect their belief when the most symbol signs-rituals and ceremonies disappear without trace. The questions may raise a question at the same time that the existence and coherence of a culture without any symbol present mean something to humanity or not. From this point of view, rituals and cultures make the thinking of people steady and coherent, help the development of a society or group without suspicion towards themselves and the culture, and keep the culture as fresh as it was when first forming thousands of years ago.

However, it can never be implied that rituals and ceremonies can take part of cultures and that other factors which also contribute to define one culture from another are necessary that could vanish. Admittedly, humans may not feel the existence of such minor factors since these may be not as obvious as the rituals and ceremonies. Nevertheless, they do exist in daily lives, and sometimes, they may influence the development of culture and ideology of people to greater extent, thus define the society from another point of view. Foods, clothes, languages, religions, social standards, moral ethics, etc., are only examples of these "minor" factors. Languages, for example, cannot be treated as the same all around the world; even one kind of language, such as English are not exactly the same in all English-spoken countries. People in these countries strive to their greatest effort to try to save the aboriginal language in that area since it represents not only the history but also the culture and spiritual mind of the people in the society. Thus, the function of other factors, cannot be ignored without which people will meet troubles as well in seeking for their own positions.

An old English saying has mentioned:" Not a single tree can make a forest." A culture is defined by numerous factors, none of which could contribute to the existence or development of the culture although the rituals and ceremonies could be taken as important contribution. With the help of these factors, people are able to find their identities in the society and the positions on the world. So do the societies and groups.

写的很差 有点难过~~~~
大家凑合看吧~~~~

~白鸽~UID: 148401

这就是优点了，不要故作谦虚拉：）
我就是觉得该简洁一点。

so猫UID: 148633

因为是第一次摸考 又把字调大成 考试的样子
所以其实写的时候我不知道 有多少字
于是就怕不够多 狂写狂写的 结果就成这样了 汗啊~~~

四月的迷迭香UID: 154552

确实写的很多啊！！！PFPF。。。 :eek:
感觉和楼上的差不多，要是更简洁点就好了。还有，有的句子好象太长了，容易把中心的意思给淹没了。句式上的变化也可以再多一点，感觉比较平淡。
不过能在第一次限时内就写成这样，条理也很清楚，已经很牛了！ :)

poohUID: 146994

写的不错啊，为什么要难过呢，猫猫好厉害写了这么多，第四段写的很好，例子比较恰当。我跟你考的时间差不错现在还没摸考呢，时间好紧，真怕看不过来啊

so猫UID: 148633

谢谢 谢谢各位的鼓励和批评 我会努力的
至于简洁 我想我还可以利用这半个月的时间好好努力克服
主要是太紧张 脑子里的东西还来不及进行筛选就全部写下来了

至于句式的改变 我只能说 我要努力努力了呀~~~~~
55555~~~~~不过写了一个月的结果还是这种水平 还是难过哦~~~~

ValentinerUID: 121676

The definition of the concept of culture, which is so complicated that experts in different fields such as sociology, anthropology-or even psychology sometimes, have variable(variable好像是易变的意思,你是不是想用various) opinions, was confined by many factors, while the rituals and ceremonies help determine it to certain extent.(觉得这句话有点头重脚轻的感觉) However, I take my conservation about the above words saying that without the rituals and ceremonies, it is impossible for groups of people in societies to have a clear sense of the status and identity of themselves in society. (这句不错)

Rituals and ceremonies are certainly the most important factors in determining process of the definition of a culture, since usually they are the most obvious symbol of a culture. People tend to relate to the religion about Catholic when they imagine the ceremony on Christmas, which plays an important(important已经出现过一次了,最好不要重复,建议使用vital, key, crucial, ultimate等等) role in the culture of Western societies such as European and North American countries. Meanwhile it is easy to distinguish the unique culture from others if people mention something about the taboo of eating cooked food for a month as a procession (procession?这句话没看太明白,汗!) in the religion ceremony of Islam, which is popular in many Asian countries. The difference in the variable (various) cultures hide in the diversity of rituals and ceremonies, however strong or subtle, to extent to which people could tell what culture it may be from the clues in the description of ceremonies and rituals.
这一段写得不错,紧扣TS,举的例子也很恰当,而且可以看出作者的知识面很广,PFPF~~~~

When born in a specific culture with unique rituals and ceremonies, one could find himself more easily where he belonged to and who really are (觉得这里应该是whom he really is). The same things happen on (in) the societies and groups. People when they are young could simply distinguish his own cultures from others due to the help of home education and personal experience on rituals and the information about the ceremonies of his nation from the stories and televisions. The societies and groups, although they have the ability to seek for the proper place for them and stick to it, can suspect their belief when the most symbol signs-rituals and ceremonies disappear(感觉disappear在这里语气过于强烈,换成die out, decay, 或者加个gradually限制一下) without trace. The questions may raise a question(两个question感觉有些别扭) at the same time that the existence and coherence of a culture without any symbol present mean something to humanity or not. From this point of view, rituals and cultures make the thinking of people steady and coherent, help the development of a society or group without suspicion towards themselves and (or) the culture, and keep the culture as fresh as it was when first forming thousands of years ago. (最后一个分句有点太过于绝对,有些仪式并不是一成不变的,在社会发展的过程中,它自身也会得到发展或是完善.建议在这里加个副词或是情态动词加以限制)

However, it can never be implied that rituals and ceremonies can take part of cultures and that other factors which also contribute to define one culture from another are necessary that could vanish. Admittedly, humans may not feel the existence of such minor factors since these may be not as obvious as the rituals and ceremonies. Nevertheless, they do exist in daily lives, and sometimes, they may influence the development of culture and ideology of people to greater extent, thus define the society from another point of view. Foods, clothes, languages, religions, social standards, moral ethics, etc., are only examples of these "minor" factors. Languages, for example, cannot be treated as the same all around the world; even one kind of language, such as English are (is) not exactly the same in all English-spoken countries. People in these countries strive to their greatest effort to try to save the aboriginal language in that area since it represents not only the history but also the culture and spiritual mind of the people in the society. Thus, the function of other factors cannot be ignored without which people will meet troubles as well(前面好像并未提到还有什么因素能让人们meet troubles,所以这里的as well 有点勉强) in seeking for their own positions.

An old English saying has mentioned:" Not a single tree can make a forest." A culture is defined by numerous factors, none of which could contribute (加个alone好些吧) to the existence or development of the culture although the rituals and ceremonies could be taken as important contribution. With the help of these factors, people are able to find their identities in the society and the positions on (in) the world. So do the societies and groups.
这一篇限时和你上一篇限时比起来,有了很大的进步.句子和词语运用上面,进步很大,只有一些小错误,思维也很深入,举的例子也十分恰当,能在45分钟写得这么饱满,我觉得好羡慕啊!!!
唯一我觉得还可以改进的地方,就是在题中说到如果没有了rituals and ceremonies人们就会有一种迷失感,所以可以从相反的方面再论述一下,加强全文逻辑的严整性.而且我记得李杜在上课的时候讲过,a sense of disorientation好像是个现在挺流行的说法,不妨试着在这上面做做文章.

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

issue207
"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies of groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

The definition of the concept of culture, which is so complicated that experts in different fields such as sociology, anthropology-or even psychology sometimes, have variable opinions, was confined by many factors, while the rituals and ceremonies help determine it to certain extent. However, I take my conservation about the above words saying that without the rituals and ceremonies, it is impossible for groups of people in societies to have a clear sense of the status and identity of themselves in society. (第一段的模板已经形成了，完美，没什么好说的了。嗯，这个impossible是不是语气过于强烈？毕竟have a diminished…不等同于impossible to have a clear…)

Rituals and ceremonies are certainly the most important factors in determining process of the definition of a culture, since usually they are the most obvious symbol of a culture. (TS中“determining process of the definition of a culture”感觉有些“内在决定”的意思，觉得此处应该是最后一句话的同义句吧，建议不要用determine)People tend to relate to the religion about Catholic when they imagine the ceremony on Christmas, which plays an important role in the culture of Western societies such as European and North American countries. Meanwhile it is easy to distinguish the unique culture from others if people mention something about the taboo of eating cooked food for a month as a procession in the religion ceremony of Islam, which is popular in many Asian countries. The difference in the variable cultures hide in the diversity of rituals and ceremonies, however strong or subtle, to extent to which people could tell what culture it may be from the clues in the description of ceremonies and rituals.

When born in a specific culture with unique rituals and ceremonies, one could find himself more easily where he belonged to and who really are.（纯粹的句子结构问题，后半句不通） The same things happen on the societies and groups. People when they are young could simply distinguish his own cultures from others due to the help of home education and personal experience on rituals and the information about the ceremonies of his nation from the stories and televisions. The societies and groups, although they have the ability to seek for the proper place for them and stick to it, can suspect their belief when the most symbol signs-rituals and ceremonies disappear without trace. The questions may raise a question at the same time that the existence and coherence of a culture without any symbol present mean something to humanity or not. From this point of view, rituals and cultures make the thinking of people steady and coherent, help the development of a society or group without suspicion towards themselves and the culture, and keep the culture as fresh as it was when first forming thousands of years ago.

However, it can never be implied that rituals and ceremonies can take part of cultures and that other factors which also contribute to define one culture from another are necessary that could vanish. Admittedly, humans may not feel the existence of such minor factors since these may be not as obvious as the rituals and ceremonies. Nevertheless, they do exist in daily lives, and sometimes, they may influence the development of culture and ideology of people to greater extent, thus define the society from another point of view. Foods, clothes, languages, religions, social standards, moral ethics, etc., are only examples of these "minor" factors. Languages, for example, cannot be treated as the same all around the world; even one kind of language, such as English are not exactly the same in all English-spoken countries. People in these countries strive to their greatest effort to try to save the aboriginal language in that area since it represents not only the history but also the culture and spiritual mind of the people in the society. Thus, the function of other factors, cannot be ignored without which people will meet troubles as well in seeking for their own positions.

An old English saying has mentioned:" Not a single tree can make a forest." A culture is defined by numerous factors, none of which could contribute to the existence or development of the culture although the rituals and ceremonies could be taken as important contribution. With the help of these factors, people are able to find their identities in the society and the positions on the world. So do the societies and groups

（很抱歉这几天忙的pigunniaoliu的，没有时间认认真真地改每一个用词。另一个原因是你的文章已经越来越进入正轨，逻辑上老练了很多，也不是到处凑字数了。说实话，我认为这是我看到的你的文章中最好的一篇。

加油，多总结）

caleUID: 150437

请问考试的时候的字大概是几号？

so猫UID: 148633

楼上的 我用的4号字 感觉和考试的差不了多少~~~~~
不过是我个人感觉啊 没有得到确认的~~~~~~~